Kyrie out for season and playoffs, sources say
Boston Celtics point guard Kyrie Irving won't return this season after having surgery on his left knee, sources told ESPN's Adrian Wojnarowski.

The Sixers have won 14 in a row and are playing without a several of their best players.

Kyrie out for season and playoffs, sources say
Boston Celtics point guard Kyrie Irving won't return this season after having surgery on his left knee, sources told ESPN's Adrian Wojnarowski.

Fuck the Celtics

Fuck the Celtics
*CelDICKS

The Knicks are interviewing Juwan Howard and about 90 others for their coaching gig

Buttholezer going to the Bucks

Buttholezer

That'll show him.

https://www.theringer.com/nba/2018/5/29/17406750/bryan-colangelo-philadelphia-76ers-twitter-joel-embiid-anonymous-markelle-fultz

I wonder if Bryan Colangelo will last until the weekend.

I bet not. He gone.

FIND A NEW SLANT!!

He's looking for a new slant now.

Boom!

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/sacramento-kings-know-blockchain-going-revolutionize-world-212334874.html

The Sacramento Kings are going to mine cryptocurrency. The world is very silly sometimes.

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/sacramento-kings-know-blockchain-going-revolutionize-world-212334874.html

The Sacramento Kings are going to mine cryptocurrency. The world is very silly sometimes.
It's just so strange and random. Someone with decision-making power in their front office must be pretty invested in bitcoin and is trying to generate interest (and money for himself).

Man, summer sucks.

Cavaliers waive veteran center Kendrick Perkins

I saw this yesterday and couldn't believe that dude was still on a roster.

I can't believe he's only 33.

I can't believe he's only 33.

I had NO idea he was drafted in 2003. I thought he was a rookie when the CelDICKS won the title in 08.

http://www.nba.com/article/2018/08/09/nba-tv-schedule-release-show-reveal-full-schedule-friday-official-release

Oh boy! Golly!

IS IT FRIDAY YET?

IT MUST BE BASKETBALL SEASON

Even bin Laden's inner circle bought into the "LeBron James is a #trader" narrative back in 2010, man the NBA is great.

https://www.cbssports.com/nba/news/osama-bin-ladens-translator-wanted-lebron-james-to-apologize-to-cleveland/

Even bin Laden's inner circle bought into the "LeBron James is a #trader" narrative back in 2010, man the NBA is great.

https://www.cbssports.com/nba/news/osama-bin-ladens-translator-wanted-lebron-james-to-apologize-to-cleveland/

How is The Onion managing to stay alive?

FINALLY

http://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/24975669/move-basketball-17-seasons

FINALLY

http://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/24975669/move-basketball-17-seasons


Richard Jefferson said he has decided to "move on from basketball" in an Instagram post Saturday that largely served as a dedication to his father, who died last month.

Well, now I feel bad.

Well, now I feel bad.

DO YOU, REALLY?

NO LOL

RIP, though.

Cross posted


He showed up for a BIG3 game over the summer...

Cross posted
Haha, I totally thought of that as I posted it but was too lazy to think of something witty to do about it.

NBA players who excelled during the first part of their career were able to retain more of their skill as they aged. They also displayed a slower decline in performance after the peak of their career, according to a study published in the Springer journal Behaviour Research Methods.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/01/190127230830.htm

NEW YORK—Insisting that he could easily lure several free agents into giving up their hopes for a championship, Knicks president Steve Mills confirmed Tuesday that he was confident the team had the requisite cap space to ruin two or three promising careers this offseason. “After making moves at the trade deadline to position ourselves, we are poised to sign at least two franchise players who will squander the prime of their careers here,” said Mills, who noted that the 2019 free agency class was “absolutely loaded” with superstar players that could blow out their knees, feud with the front office, or languish in a coaching system that doesn’t fit their talents. “If we play our cards right, we might even be able to convince three marquee players to take a pay cut, surround them with marginal talent, then have them wallow in the dregs of the Eastern conference for the next half decade and never return to their former levels. And with our promising position in the 2019 NBA draft, we might even be able to destroy the career of a highly touted college prospect along with them.” At press time, Kevin Durant was considered a leading contender to be signed and then traded away for extra cap space in 2022.

Yes, it's The Onion, but this feels right.

Crazy finish in OKC.

Man.

Oh man. Nurkic just got hurt bad. Brutal.


I was just about to come post about how good he is too. Seriously.

Time for another Tom Gores pep talk.

Time for another Tom Gores pep talk.

They don't need Tom Gores, Vinny. They need me, TIM Gores.

Be Timpactful.

Veteran center Greg Monroe plans to sign with the #76ers tomorrow, a league source tells ESPN. Philadelphia will waive center Justin Patton and Monroe will then sign.

How many fucking teams has Monroe been on in the last 3 years?

How many fucking teams has Monroe been on in the last 3 years?
Impossible question. It's like the tootsie pop thing.

What kind of awesome pain meds do you get for a torn ACL that make you rapey?
I suspect that's more newsworthy than whatever Porzingis did.

Bucks resting Freak vs Crooklyn

Cheaters.

Bucks just jammed us, fellas.

Big day tomorrow.

Luke Walton was unemployed for a minute. Think maybe Magic tipped off Vlade?

Shams


Chauncey Billups and the Minnesota Timberwolves will meet in near future to discuss the franchise's President of Basketball Operations role, league sources tell me and @JonKrawczynski.

Heard rumors of Pat Riley going back to the Lakers maybe -- why?

Lakers fans were protesting or something.

Lakers fans were protesting or something.

https://twitter.com/ComplexSports/status/1126928334728904705

NEW YORK—Insisting that he could easily lure several free agents into giving up their hopes for a championship, Knicks president Steve Mills confirmed Tuesday that he was confident the team had the requisite cap space to ruin two or three promising careers this offseason. “After making moves at the trade deadline to position ourselves, we are poised to sign at least two franchise players who will squander the prime of their careers here,” said Mills, who noted that the 2019 free agency class was “absolutely loaded” with superstar players that could blow out their knees, feud with the front office, or languish in a coaching system that doesn’t fit their talents. “If we play our cards right, we might even be able to convince three marquee players to take a pay cut, surround them with marginal talent, then have them wallow in the dregs of the Eastern conference for the next half decade and never return to their former levels. And with our promising position in the 2019 NBA draft, we might even be able to destroy the career of a highly touted college prospect along with them.” At press time, Kevin Durant was considered a leading contender to be signed and then traded away for extra cap space in 2022.
Stephen A. Smith approves this message

Welp, looks like the Pistons won't be going after Tyreke Evans anytime soon!

Cross him off the list then.

Dwight to Lakers again.

Cross him off the list then.
Still angry I got nothing out of this obscure, mis-quoted Major League reference.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2JZwm3l1-8

Unconfirmed reports by an anonymous 7'6" Chinese ex-NBA player suggest that Morey's severed head and testicles will be personally delivered by Donald Trump to China.
I'll believe it when Fearless Leader tweets it!

Still angry I got nothing out of this obscure, mis-quoted Major League reference.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2JZwm3l1-8

That's my bad. If I'd been around I'd have dapped you up.

The Unibrow strained his thumb-sucking thumb and will be out all season.
King James is holding a jousting competition to determine his replacement.
LaMelo Ball, hero of Australia, is reportedly in the running.
But don't count out Carmelo Anthony just yet...

fuck the Lakers.

fuck the Lakers.
Sanctioned.

Fuck the fucking Lakers.

fuck the Lakers.

We did in 2004.

Melo to Blazers

Russell joining the WWF -- Wounded Warriors Foundation

Portland has only 7 players going and 2 of them have 4 fouls and 2 have 1 T with 15 minutes left.

It's now the Kobe Bryant All-Star MVP award. Eh.
The dunk contest is rigged then unrigged. Meh.
I can't really get into the All-Star weekend.
I'm sure I'd love it if I were there in person, but I'm not.

So, NBA players are reduced to playing virtual HORSE. Sheesh. I suppose it beats reruns of the 2004 spelling bee.

Do WNBA players get to play WHORSE? Their shot is worth 83% of a man's, and if doesn't take much to pronounce it "whores".

Does LeBron growing a James Harden beard make being within 6' of him a foul, instead of his usual 3' zone??

Tried to watch the other night when Chauncey was up against Trae Young. Couldn’t.

Bol Bol is boling

Adam Silver Warns Player Against Leaving Bubble For Strip Clubs With Lackluster Talent (https://sports.theonion.com/adam-silver-warns-player-against-leaving-bubble-for-str-1844717092)


ORLANDO, FL—Encouraging players to use their better judgment and not take unnecessary risks, league commissioner Adam Silver issued a warning Friday advising players against leaving the NBA bubble to patronize strip clubs with lackluster talent. “We don’t want players jeopardizing the bubble just to deal with bogus cover charges and asshole bouncers,” said Silver, attaching a list of local gentlemen’s clubs to avoid due to subpar food, exorbitant ATM fees, and stuck-up dancers. “If you’re gonna take such a huge risk, you better go somewhere that’ll give you some real action when you drop a few hundos. Don’t sell yourself short with some of these bush league Orlando clubs when South Beach is a short drive away. If you’ve got a game that night and you absolutely need to stay local, check out Blue Flame—I dropped 20 grand there a few weeks ago, that place is amazing.” At press time, Silver announced plans to staff the bubble itself with a hundred dancers after getting thrown out of another local establishment.

NBA helps to save humanity

https://sports.yahoo.com/the-nba-and-yale-just-landed-the-covid-testing-breakthrough-the-nfl-and-everyone-else-in-the-us-has-been-hoping-for-183335566.html


In a significant turn of events in COVID-19 testing, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration granted an emergency authorization for the public to begin employing a saliva-based test expected to significantly increase the availability, turnaround time and affordability of combating the coronavirus epidemic in the United States.

Developed by Yale University and jointly funded by the NBA and NBA Players Association, the testing method was granted approval by the FDA on Saturday.

No basketball last night. Wonder what happened?

CULVER CITY, CA—Preferring to just watch playoff basketball in peace, Lakers fan Derek Wainwright expressed frustration Thursday that he was being forced to recognize basketball players’ humanity in any way. “I wish they’d stop bringing basic human dignity into sports, so I can enjoy the damn game,” said Wainwright, adding that NBA players get paid top dollar to repress their emotions. “I want to cheer for LeBron, but I don’t need him shoving his concerns over police brutality in my face. Thinking about their personal lives completely ruins the whole experience for me. Plus, I’m already rooting for Black players so this message that they’re people with concerns about inequality doesn’t even apply to me.” At press time, Wainwright criticized “bandwagon fans” for only supporting LeBron James when he’s on the brink of winning civil rights.

On Thursday morning the Brooklyn Nets hired Steve Nash as their new head coach.

Have to say, I didn't see that coming.

They are not serving Buckmeat in Florida over the holiday weekend.

Buckmeat was eventually served, thank goodness.

Are impossible burgers also known as Kawhi burgers?
I'm hoping Denver finds out.

LA vs LA but not in LA seems wrong.

LA Fakers vs. Denver Buttnuggets

Boston Celdicks vs. Miami Teat

Hate three of the four.

Go Nuggets, I guess.

Been loving the Nuggets since last year, hop aboard Glan!

I’m actually a longtime Nuggets fan.

I got WTFchris interested in them.

I was born at a Nuggets game at center court.

I’ve never been more proud than to have been there to deliver you

I’ve never been more proud than to have been there to deliver you
I was delivered by Nuggets coach Larry Brown.


You, sir, are no Larry Brown.

Sorry I had to break the news to you that Doug Moe is your father. I can see that you’re still bitter.

It's hard to see the heat with like a hard working tough team like this.

Miami's injuries feel like the Lakers in the '89 Finals.

Golden State Warriors submit plan for home-game coronavirus testing to allow 50% fan capacity

https://www.espn.com/nba/story/_/id/30308543

Anyone want to be a Golden State Lab Rat?

https://www.gq.com/story/inside-the-nba-bubble


Like a lot of people in lockdown in the outside world, players spent their free time inside the bubble drinking. And seemingly at the center of it all was CJ McCollum of the Portland Trail Blazers, who became something of the NBA's unofficial source for wine. McCollum stacked his hotel room with cases of his own Pinot Noir blend, McCollum Heritage 91, keeping the thermostat at a cool 65 degrees. He gifted dozens of bottles to players, and CJ's wine became a hot-ticket item—a bubble grail. Kawhi Leonard once stopped CJ to ask questions about the Pinot Noir and say he was a huge fan. (“I got the endorsement from Mr. Leonard!”) As was Anthony Davis, who, according to McCollum, stood next to him at the free-throw line during a Round 1 playoff game to tell him: “Thanks for that wine. That shit was good.”

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/14/sports/basketball/anthony-carter-bill-duffy-miami-heat.html

Would still like to know how the hell this happened, many years later...

Chris Paul destroys his 11 year old son -- father of the year!

https://www.cbssports.com/nba/news/watch-chris-paul-reminds-11-year-old-son-who-the-better-basketball-player-is-with-free-throw-contest-win/

Hadn’t seen James Harden in a while. Dude looks like he’s pushing 300 lbs.

What’s this Kyrie might be done rumors bullshit? Gotta be bullshit, right? Nothing from anyone reliable...yet.

BTTwNPB64PA

Because the Pricks beat the Pistons without their best player, THEY ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOO AWESOME!!!!!


The Knicks are finally a team to be proud of
https://nypost.com/2021/03/05/the-knicks-are-finally-a-team-to-be-proud-of/

Between Coming 2 America and the latest GEICO commercial, Dikembe Mutombo's finger wag is making a come back!
Next up: "who wants to sex Mutombo"

Watched C2A last night. Just god awful.

Only one funny line in the whole thing IMO

Yeah, I didn't laugh once.

I laughed when you could hear James Earl Jones’ voice on the tv say “This ... is ZNN”

True news from an unlikely source:

https://t.ly/9oDU


NEW YORK—Effusively boasting over the connection long-time New Yorkers feel to this up-and-coming team, media and fans praised the Knicks Tuesday for embodying the city’s true spirit of overhyped media creations. “It feels great to see a Knicks team that can speak to New York by turning the smallest run of success into inescapable nationwide hype,” said New York resident Damien Bradley, who raved about Knicks’ power forward Julius Randle being the second coming of Kevin Garnett. “Every night, those guys go out there and get way more praise than they deserve. The amount of media attention dedicated to this team just speaks to the people of this city. They are what New York is all about, which is being constantly praised for what Boston and Philadelphia actually do better.” At press time, the New York Post had sparked debate by claiming this team could become even more overpraised and overrated than the early ’70s New York Knicks.

It's impressive to see how Drummond stepped up in the wake of AD's injury, especially in Game 6.

BROOKLYN, NY?Expressing frustration with the NBA star?s outspokenness and unorthodox conspiratorial views, the Nets front office confirmed Wednesday that they wish Kyrie Irving would stop acting like Kyrie Irving. ?It?s a huge distraction; when you sign a player like Kyrie Irving, you don?t expect to get a player like Kyrie Irving,? said Nets general manager Sean Marks, who noted that Irving was sabotaging a potential championship team by refusing to cooperate with management and berating his teammates with baseless, controversial opinions like he was Kyrie Irving. ?If Kyrie is going to continue acting like the player we signed, we may have to consider going in a different direction. We do hope Kyrie Irving snaps out of it and stops acting like Kyrie Irving before the season starts.? At press time, the Nets were discussing cutting Kyrie Irving to sign someone who would be less of a distraction like soon-to-be free agent Kyrie Irving.

Frank Vogel sucks LeBron's dick because he has a thing for sloppy seconds:
"[LeBron] plays the game the right way at all times."
https://sports.yahoo.com/frank-vogel-lebron-james-suspension-234104479.html
ITq6QCVMbv0

Perhaps all the pretty colors will induce Ben Simmons to play?

https://defector.com/76ers-new-metaverse-partner-somehow-getting-weirder/

https://i.postimg.cc/1tszvkvQ/image.webp

Balls
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/nineteen-incredible-facts-about-the-giant-squid

Sorry, Cross.

https://www.cbssports.com/nba/news/jamal-crawford-three-time-nba-sixth-man-of-the-year-announces-retirement-from-basketball/

Wolverine great.

Adonal Foyle, the Block Star, makes an appearance to much sadness

https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/more-sports/san-francisco-has-very-very-sad-flag-raising-ceremony-for-golden-state-warriors-playoff-run/ar-AAWi3Hy?ocid=BingNews

Curses... Foyled again!

Ben Simmons undergoes successful microdicktomy surgery and will likely be out for three years.

The NBA has gone soft, with science.


NBA study: Physical violence may be down, but ?symbolic violence? is rising
https://www.studyfinds.org/nba-symbolic-violence/

Kawhi will be out another sesason.

Kawhi Leonard injury update: Clippers star not restricted at all in recovery from torn ACL, per report
https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nba/kawhi-leonard-injury-update-clippers-star-not-restricted-at-all-in-recovery-from-torn-acl-per-report/ar-AAYRZ3C?ocid=BingNews

NOVATO, CA?Revealing several new features in the console game ahead of its release, developer Visual Concepts announced Thursday that the ultra-realistic NBA 2K23 update adds unexplainable horseshit calls. ?We wanted the playing experience in NBA 2K23 to be as close to the real thing as possible, and we can?t do that without upgrading our AI to ensure that there will be several completely bullshit foul calls against the player every game,? said Visual Concepts spokesman Lee Bishop at a press conference where he showed reporters a demo of a defender five feet away from the player?s controlled character and the referees still bizarrely calling an offensive charge. ?This year, we?re taking the game to the next level with totally infuriating calls that are guaranteed to make you scream at your television and yell, ?What the fuck was that?? just like the real NBA viewing experience. These calls will go against your team 100% of the time and will occur in the most crucial moments, providing our most realistic playing experience yet.? The developers added that NBA 2K23 also features an optional Conspiracy mode where the results are all decided in advance and carried out by crooked referees and a corrupt lottery drafting process that allows the biggest-market teams to win to make the game better mimic the real NBA.
https://t.ly/tk0V

Um, yeah.

Sparty gonna Sparty.

https://twitter.com/thenbacentral/status/1578382192014725120?s=46&t=L7z1SiuWvT66tTj1Eao6vA

Um, yeah.

Sparty gonna Sparty.

https://twitter.com/thenbacentral/status/1578382192014725120?s=46&t=L7z1SiuWvT66tTj1Eao6vA

We're talkin' about practice. Not the game.

This would've barely registered as a squabble throughout most of the NBA's history.

Dammnnnnnn! Only Knockout is supposed to give beatdowns like this!

(and SHAME on all THREE of you for not doing that first! I have to do motherfucking everything around here???)

:motowned:

Doc Rivers is coaching in the All-Star.

I love this game!

Doc Rivers is coaching in the All-Star.

I love this game!

You work hard and you get rewarded. FACT.

The East held the West to under 200 points! That's DEFENSE, kids! All-Star defense!

Kobe is being DISRESPECTED AFTER DEATH!
(featuring former Piston Jose Calderson)

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/nba/article-13184439/Kobe-Bryant-statue-contains-MULTIPLE-spelling-errors-engraving-box-score-late-Lakers-legends-81-point-game-including-names-Jose-Calderon-Von-Wafer.html

*Piston's Legend Jose Calderson.

Not really news. But I went to the Hornets/Magic game in Charlotte last night. Watched a few minutes of the game, but it was a work event in an all-expenses-paid suite, so was distracted by other things. Nice arena, though.

In the 21st century, all the sporting work events I could go to have been baseball or hockey. Lucky you!

In other NBA news, the Knicks still won the trade, right:

https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nba/bojan-bogdanovic-alec-burks-not-a-lock-to-be-in-knicks-playoff-rotation/ar-BB1ld0S2

The Lakers were ahead at the end of every first half! Go (fuck yourselves) Lakers!

Will it be the NBA on NBC without the theme?

https://www.cnbc.com/2024/04/30/nbc-could-buy-back-roundball-rock-rights-if-it-gets-nba-games-john-tesh-says.html

Scott Foster - bleah

https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/5494360/2024/05/20/scott-foster-nba-referee/

10 years ago, if you told me that LeBron James had a 26/8/7 season and only made All-NBA 3rd team and wasn't considered the best player on his team, I'd have laughed.

Ok, so I'll laugh now. Ha ha, LeBron! :)

Steph Curry is responsible for the downfall of French civilization.

https://nypost.com/2024/08/12/sports/french-mcdonalds-threatens-to-sauce-after-stephen-currys-olympic-performance/

Did you know that the NBA has been releasing printable all-team schedules for several seasons now? Well, I did. I am free from making the darned things! Ha ha, yes!

https://pr.nba.com/2024-25-nba-regular-season-schedule/

LMAO I meant to come post asking for yours the other day!

How much fucking real estate DOES Embiid have in Drummond's head? FUCKING MENTAL MIDGET!

https://clutchpoints.com/76ers-news-how-andre-drummond-helps-push-joel-embiid-to-be-best-center-in-the-league


I think that's really why he respects me, because no matter how good he is, he might have the upper hand on me but I'm gonna keep coming. I'm gonna push him to be great. I'm gonna push him to be the best player he can be, really to show the world why he is the best center to play this game.

No more Woj Bombs

:emo kid:

No more Woj Bombs

:emo kid:

I had to check the notable deaths thread for a second there.

Now we get all the dollar store Wojes.

Flair

https://pudding.cool/2024/10/nba-uniforms/

Flair

https://i.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExam05dWFodHllYWtubjU2ZHpvM2F0Y2d uNmk5OWl1bjBoZDM2bmhsNCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfY nlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/yUI3a7RwLhOFy/giphy.gif

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/04/business/nba-basketball-courts-manufacturing.html (or https://archive.ph/g0TFA)


Connor Sports, in the tiny mill town of Amasa, Mich., is one of the leading makers of hardwood floors for top professional and college teams.

I had no idea! Cool!

LOS ANGELES?Reminding his son that he won?t be on the roster forever, Los Angeles Lakers star LeBron James reportedly began pressuring Bronny to have grandchildren before he?s too old to play with them in the NBA, sources confirmed Monday. ?You know, son, I?m not getting any younger, and I want to be able to pick and roll with my grandkids in playoffs before my knees are completely shot,? said James, adding that he didn?t want his grandchildren to see him as a feeble old man who struggled to get back to his feet after diving on the floor for a loose ball. ?At some point my mobility will go, and I might have trouble tossing them an alley-oop or setting a screen so they can dominate in the paint. I?m not what I used to be, after all. Some days I don?t even have the energy to swat shots into the bleachers or get up in a ref?s face and argue about a trivial call. Time is of the essence here. I just don?t want my grandchildren to see me as a helpless old man barely able to dunk from the free-throw line.? At press time, James was urging Bronny?s girlfriend to put a basketball under her shirt so he could imagine how being a grandfather felt for a moment.
https://t.ly/D7gxQ

Lakers trade for a Euro to pair with an iconic star to get themselves a ring.
Pau Gasol's playing with Kobe!
Oops, I mean Luka's playing with Bronny's dad!
The Unibrow was last seen with a flat earther...

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2025/03/250325160102.htm


The study's authors looked in particular at professional basketball and compared the investment in data analytics on each NBA team with the team's record of wins over 12 seasons. They found that indeed, teams that hired more analytics staff, and invested more in data analysis in general, tended to win more games.