Just happened across this guy @dadboner (http://twitter.com/dadboner).

Don't know anything about him other than he's from Michigan and his tweets are pretty funny.

Just happened across this guy @dadboner (http://twitter.com/dadboner).

Don't know anything about him other than he's from Michigan and his tweets are pretty funny.

So bizarre, but mostly funny.

Just read through about 300 @DadBoner tweets. So awesome. Totally reminds me of Zip.

Maybe it is.

"big flavor" cracks me up.

#DadBoner

I saw this today and I swore it was either Zip or Glan. Someone fess up.

EDIT: "You guys"

Definitely Glan.

OR MAYBE IT'S YOU, SWAM

I wish it was me.

I've been doing a "@DadBoner" search several times a day.

I think I need help.

Tweet him and ask if his car needs a wash.

Just noticed the new updates, lol.

Seems like Karl is on the verge of going viral.

https://si2.twimg.com/profile_images/823972461/dad.jpg

DadBoner
Dave thinks he knows about doctor things because he watches that horrible Grey's Anatomy. Sure thing, Dr. Dave. More like Dr. Crap.

New tweets?!

*nipples harden*

Tweet him and ask if his car needs a wash.
BAM! Solid.

Get outta my dreams, get into my Friday! Really lookin' forward to the weekend, you guys.

http://twitter.com/annwelzein

OMFG!!

Going to have to pass. Nothing since late January.

Thinking about making a twitter for this, if it doesn't exist already:

http://jewelgolf.com/paddy-mcgees/

Makin me and Dave a Tombstone pizza a la Captain Karl. Really jazzin it up with my own herbs & spices. Flavor is gonna be out of bounds.

lol

Tweeting about Johnsonvilles, lol.

I sorta wish "Dave" had an account, but that might ruin things a bit.

Hilarious stuff tonight, "taking the flavors way out of bounds".

Still so surreal.

The more he writes, the more I love him.

"peener" is a funny word

The Cinco De Mayo tweets are money.

I love how he eats Tombstones and drinks beer all of the time, but is supposed to be on the Atkins Diet.

lol, good point

Wendys!

My new favorite:

It's supposed to rain and thunderstorm all weekend. Never gonna get my boat out. Never gonna golf. So sick of this crap about 17 hours ago via web

the mothers day thing is my second favorite topic he had (first was when ken caught him shaking it extra hard in the men's bathroom).


Headin over for supper with Ann & the kids. I bet she's still ridin high off my Mom's day gifts. Tip: 7-11, never forget, for great gifts.

DadBoner

My bro Al just rang. Wants to go to the Tiger game on Saturday. Look out Comerica, the Welzein bad boys are comin! Super pumped, you guys.

its sad how excited i am for this imaginary trip to comerica.

The man has totally outdone himself. (http://twitter.com/#!/DadBoner/status/68767063262498816)


Nothin like cruisin down I-75 with big G&T roadie, a fat Cuban cigar, and rockin some Allman Bros with the top down on the Sebring.

i didnt want to be the only one posting about this, but this is brilliant. i am a little worried that the guy is planning on sending karl to jail, though.

I wanna go to Paddy McGee's tonight and look for him.

http://jewelgolf.com/paddy-mcgees/

Some quality updates today.

Guy reminds me of Tahoe sometimes.

When they turned around, I told the loudmouths "you don't want a piece of the Welzein bad boys!" Then we high fived and they left. Ha!

Think he's looking forward to the Indy 500?

The GOAT right here:

DadBoner
Havin a few cold ones. Tryin to relax. Supper was crap. Work was crap. Wife is crap. Kids are crap. Everything's crap but these cold ones.

Spinners on his minivan?

Yeah that was pretty damn funny.

I refuse to think of spinners as anything other than skinny lap chicks... gotta set boner guy right.

going through his old stuff while bored/sick at work. ill post the best ones i find.


Thnkin' about tokin' one down in the shed after Ann goes to pilates tonight. Really hating her guts today.

Dinner with Ann was a disaster. Spilled orange chicken on my favorite Chaps polo. And looks like we're gonna work things out.

Got into a pretty nasty screaming match with Ann on the way home. Like it's MY fault they suck. So drunk on Margs.

Nosey lady asked why I'm bummed. Told her about Randy. She said, "oh c'mon, the Slim Jim guy?!" So steamed. I'm leaving. Stupid idiot sow.


Eatin good in the neighborhood? More like throwin up hard in the parking lot.

^ I lolled, hard.

Stupid idiot sow. Rofl

Alright. We're gonna do it. Captain Karl's Super Bowl Party 2011 is a go! (Dave asked to be "first mate". I said no.)

Invited Ann, said she might stop by, but has plans to go to the Carlson's. Said I was welcome to join. That's like spending Xmas in hell.

The whole "pooped my back out" saga was a great read.

I've thought since the get-go that @PaulyPeligroso was the person behind @DadBoner. The styles are very similar and PP has a bunch of parody accounts, from what I can tell.

Well, he just did a FF for Karl, so now I'm almost positive.

I don't understand why anyone would ever buy the Johnsonvilles WITHOUT the cheese in 'em. They're a bold taste sensation, you guys.

If YOU don't like cheese on stuff like hamburgs, in brats, pizza, bagels, sammies, fries & pasta; people probably don't like YOU very much.

Sammies? Unfollowed.

I don't understand why anyone would ever buy the Johnsonvilles WITHOUT the cheese in 'em. They're a bold taste sensation, you guys.

If YOU don't like cheese on stuff like hamburgs, in brats, pizza, bagels, sammies, fries & pasta; people probably don't like YOU very much.

i was going to make this awesome spaghetti dish tonight but ive decided to pick up some cheese brats on my way home. probably a bad idea to get cooking ideas from karl, but they sound ridiculously good.

I actually tend to find myself quite disappointed in them. I prefer to add my own cheese to regular brats.

The most recent 10 tweets or so are gold.

NEW PROFILE PIC

LOL

http://a2.twimg.com/profile_images/1386047450/k.jpg

Got up early and had a nice big breakfast at McDonald's. So good. It's totally worth the extra 3 or 4 trips to the bathroom, you guys.

This one sort of sounds like a Vinny joint.

Still wonder what Ann & the kids have planned for Dad's Day? Not returning my calls. Haven't talked in a while. Must be keepin it hush hush.

I tweet something with "you guys" in it and the dude tweets not even a minute later. Eerie.

I tweeted a FF for him at the same exact time he just tweeted, too.

I see that he also went to Arby's today, didn't get the angus like I did, though.

Gotta be good just one more day. Then, this weekend, it's all about hearty grub, cold ones, laughter and love with the fam.

This "Father's Day disaster" schtick that he's been building up for a week or two now is going to be great.

Anticipating some crying.

It's like a pro wrestling script.

Yeah I've had several lulz lately

Awesome stuff today. The next two days are going to be incredible.

He ain't disappointing... this should end on a high note... lol

he's up to almost 10 k followers. he was at 5k when i started following him like a month ago. dude is blowing up.

the fathers day stuff has been some of his best work yet. im a little disapointed it worked out well for him.

im a little disapointed it worked out well for him.
I'm not sold that it will.

I laughed a few times, but overall it was a bit disappointing.

10,001 followers, lol. I think he was in the 3300 range back in April.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aaron-belz/the-literary-tweeter-dadb_b_882726.html?ref=tw

Eau Claire, Wisconsin?

#fail

lol'd at "Really looking forward to the weekend, you guys" about once a week.

When 2 guys talk erections, it doesn't have to be gay. Sometimes I'm sure it is, but that's not my style. I can talk erections with a pal.

I just had BW3 for lunch and I'm hurting, btw.

lol @ Poison reference.

Column: Welzein ready to make time for family (http://blog.mlive.com/saginaw_sports_extra/2007/12/column_welzein_ready_to_make_t.html)

RELATED?

Some great stuff over the holiday weekend. Big laughs.

Bigger flavors.

I like this new "Crazy Cooter" character.

damnit. im at my new job now and im taking it a bit more seriously (dont expect me on the day shift anymore), and wont be following him at work anymore. dadboner is perfect for work. plenty of material, but not too much and its a treat for the late afternoon.

but its too much work to follow him after work only.

crossroads.

Getting caught up. Digging the Oprah rants.

lol'd at the past few

Awesomeness today.


This sunburn is killin' me. Hurts to move. Ken said, "Hey, Kool Aid! Get some sun there, buddy?" Wasn't necessary to hurt my feelings too.

I'm sure he'll appreciate this:

@dadboner Is this Friday, or am I dreaming? This must be Friday, 'cause it's really got a hold on me. Happy Friday, Karl!

LMAO:

jnwestbrook
Really @DadBoner? Really?? Immigrants smell like tacos? You think that's funny? What a prick. #blocked

Carry on my Friday son, there'll be drinks when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest, don't you work no more. Happy Friday, you guys!

D: at the latest. rofl

Don't think Ann still loves me anymore.

Uh oh.

So what if she wants to be like that. I'M the cool one in the relationship. I'm THE man. Dave is CRANKIN some .38 Special so who cares.

CRANKIN

You need to check out the tweets from this afternoon, I'm dying over here.

now. lol

OMG

Thinkin' we should take a collection for Captain Karl's Pizza Ship... could lead to high entertainment.

No Dave, I'm sure I don't want to watch Caddyshack 2. Yes, I know it's hilarious, but I'm trying to build a restaurant empire here.

Has Karl ever replied to or RT'd anyone?

I'm thinking about making this my life's goal.

I thought for sure that when I tweeted him last Friday I would get a RT.

Really bigoted stuff today. Awesome.

unreal

catching up a little. phenomenal. why did he get fired?

Suspended for one week with pay for taking a dump out back behind the dumpster. At least he had some Burger King napkins.

hahaha. Because he broke the toilet and lied about it so they started using a keyed entry and he couldn't find the nosey lady for the key

This is a fucking gold mine. Loling so hard over here.

LMOA... found his calling... gotta fire up the pizza joint now (before the Mexican gangs find him).

Why do we waste so much mexican talent on washing dishes when they should be making beer? Stay thirsty, you guys.

this killed me. one of my former coworkers is mexican and a joke of this type was told roughly 200 times a day, every day. if i were still there i woulda gotten dadboner a few more converts. not that he needs it. he's getting like 1k a week.

not to be *that* guy, but forexample: on cinco de mayo i asked him if he was going to celebrate by mowing his lawn. when he said he didnt have a lawn i said it'd make more sense if he celebrated by mowing someone else's.

also, all in good fun. hope tahoe doesnt label me a racist for this.

loved the parts where he was talking about WWE and how triple H inspired him to grow a pony tail

Dave better watch out, or he might get a Pedigree on the floor.

Went out in the parking lot of the bank, put on Stranglehold & wailed on the gas like I was gonna plow through the window. Had to get it on.

dude was CRANKIN that shit

so god damn funny.

whoever found this, thank you.

Monday. Sick of this. Wish I was dead.

Would love to know what kind of "job" Karl is supposed to have.

Not a plumber

So sick of everyone's crap. Wish I could just go renegade like The Boz in Stone Cold. Kick ass, take names, and leave failure in the past.


I actually love that movie.

question: what kind of voice do you imagine Karl speaking in?

I picture it to be a little nasaly and not very deep.

I bet he has a lisp.

Throw some Michigan plates on the car instead and this would have been epic.


@demeatloaf: I think I found @DadBoner http://yfrog.com/h6cl9lmcj http://yfrog.com/h4v07vbj

Ate at a restaurant called "Bold" on Saturday night. Saw this and thought of Karl.

http://img84.imageshack.us/img84/8320/cimg0104z.jpg

So much better than his latest updates.

I take that back. The last 3 or 4 have been money.

lol'd hard

I got this damn earring! No one cares. I dress cool. No one cares. I'm a top notch cook. No one cares. Sick of this. No one appreciates me.


AMAZING

let him shoot me

How many people did Dave Thomas have murdered to keep his prices eternally low? It has to be in the hundreds, you guys.

his new stuff is great. love vernon. ^this killed me.

Weekend wasteland! It's only weekend wasteland! Weekend wasteland, oh yeah!! WE'RE ALL WASTED!!! Happy Friday to ya, you guys.

Prolly going to be the best Friday/weekend in a while.

MOM UNGROUNDED ME!!!!!11

Some vintage stuff tonight.

I'd lol so hard if he went to a Tigers game and they showed him on TV.

If that's really him in the pic, anyway.

Really looking forward to Monday, you guys.

Checking out the 149 accts that Karl follows and lolling.

@GuyFieri

Hello people! does anyone know where to find some good outback steakhouse coupons (http://www.benilubero.com/smf/index.php?action=profile;u=552907 ) because I'm really craving some outback steak right now haha!

Hi people! does anyone know where to find some nice outback steakhouse coupons (http://www.ulastirmasurasi.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=300061 ) because I'm really craving some outback steak right now haha!

do not taint this thread, whore.

Does Outback offer Bold Flavors?

So crazy.

I never thought the locals at a MI Burger King could ever pull off that California taste, but I was sure wrong. Feel like hittin some waves.

LOLLING

Should I change my twitter name to FatherErection?

jim jammer. looooooool

LMAO

LOL @ Dave's Skylark

First mention of Ann & the kids in a long time.

lol'd at crazy cooter "fuck it"

PUT MY FINGER IN HIS CHEST AND SAID, "BACK OFF, PAL."

I love when people take his tweets seriously.


craigiebaby Furry monster
@
@DadBoner your jokes aren't funny when theyre about my country, If we are so 3rd world y do u speak English. Invent ur own language fatty!x



OverholserM Michael Overholser
@
@DadBoner How many truly "poor" doctors do you know? People who want to help others find happiness and purpose in it.

Lol. Fuckin people

http://blackcat.ca/lifeline_data/images/DAD,Holding_Furry-20010216.jpg

Whomever is writing this is making it pretty authentic. References to Koegel's and Spatz's bread, in particular, most likely mean that the writer really is from the Flint/Saginaw area.

Catching up with Ann.

http://twitter.com/#!/AnnWelzein

Last mentions of Karl are in Nov. and Dec., lol.

Boom.

http://stevespillman.net/post/9678823187/just-found-dadboners-profile-picture-here-thanks

Brenda May (Audley) Says: April 29th, 2008 at 10:24 pm

Bruce and I were married for 16 years and I must say that he is an amazing man! Although we have not been married for many years, I still consider him to be a good friend. Bruce is known for his humour and very kind heart. His greatest gift to me was our son, Patrick.

I still have some lovely jewelry pieces that Bruce gave to me; these will be passed on to Patrick’s wife when I am gone.When I think of some of the parties, family times and holidays we shared, I have to say that I have some really wonderful memories of Bruce.

Mixed feelings.

They still haven't found the real FatJoeDumars!

ROFL'D

http://guyswhomightbedadboner.com/

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrh0qpMS3R1r2y8bmo1_500.jpg

loooool

Must read: "new single mom moved into the building"

Somebody could make some money selling Karl Welzein halloween costumes.

lol'ing a little bit today.

Love some .38

Looks like his avatar got janked.

Bruce must have reported his ass.

http://a1.twimg.com/profile_images/1571379191/pizzaship.jpg

A bunch of people are just figuring out that he's not real, lol.

lul

avatar is changed again to a more "refined" drawing

"you guys" need to start hash tagging your #youguys tweets.

just not the same without the "IRL" picture

Saw a dude that kind of looked like "him" at the gas station.

The Columbus tweet was perfect. Made me lol.

Got the ignorant, middle-aged dad guy thing down perfectly there.

^ What was it? I'm not signed up for tweeter.

Dedicating this first cold one to Christopher Columbus, you guys. Here's to a great American hero and a true patriot. USA. Never forget.

pretty regal. looool

Might head back to Paddy's tonight. See if Karen's hangin. Got a big birthday comin up on Sunday. See if she wants to be my cake. Ha!

I could see Dadboner singing Rocket Man.

Might head back to Paddy's tonight. See if Karen's hangin. Got a big birthday comin up on Sunday. See if she wants to be my cake. Ha!

got a chuckle from that one yea

who brags about bm's?

A damn twitter troll!

got my housemates saying you guys

This is going back a bit, but "chest beefers" was so bad it was almost good.

pizza bowls. lol'd

can't even imagine.

WISHLIST (http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A2SUDSCU4L7SFB/ref=cm_wl_rlist_profile)

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/319oiPQlH6L._SL150_.jpg
Stuff my stocking, you guys!

Taco Bell Bold & Creamy, Spicy Ranchero Sauce, 8-Ounce (Pack of 6)

Chili's Gift Card

Live Trucker
Kid Rock(Audio CD)

Think I kinda covered what I'm all about in my interests, but I will say, that some people describe me as rugged and sort of a bad boy I guess. I just don't see myself that way, but if most people think that, then it's cool. I was hangin' out with this babe named Brenda for a few shakes, but we kinda lost touch. If you're out there, Brenda, I sure miss your carnal touch, babe. Let's not wait too long to reconnect and make the night last forever real soon. If you're another babe, maybe we could meet up too, just see how things go. Really take it slow. Maybe we could just be friends first, then, who knows?


Stuff that rocks, carnal non-fiction for adults, action films with romantic desires, and great humor as well; bold flavored upscale culinary experiences in reading, film, and television. All the best in life. You just gotta get out there and grab it by the plumbing, you guys. Striving to be #1 isn't just a way of life, but an attitude that I take very seriously. That's why, whether I'm sippin' a cold one, working on one of my many business ventures, or just havin' a romantic rendezvous, it's top notch all the way. The works, really. Go big or go home and die. Sure that's kinda extreme, but I won't accept anything less than perfection in this crazy world we call, "life."

lolling

go big, or go home and die.

lold

His use of "carnal" always cracks me up.

"Gettin' bombed tonight. Sometimes it's better to be hungover for a hard day. Gives you somethin' to think about other than killin' someone."

Just caught up on the last week or so. Holy shit.

I don't know how this guy's been able to keep it up for so long. I would have given up after 2 weeks.

A couple of weeks ago, I discovered that the owner of our office building had put in a "secret" restroom in the building's basement. It's a big room with just a toilet and a sink. It's got a handicapped sign on the door, so I'm assuming that they did it for legal reasons (to be ADA compliant). Anyways, since I found it, whenever I have to deuce at work, I head down to the basement and drop trau without having to worry that someone's trying to rush me or hover outside to get to the stall after me. It's really nice.

Anyways, I always think about Captain Karl when I go down there. And I laugh.

^ posted on location, btw

should've been in "poop stories."

Thinking about how much I would pay to see the guy that used to be in Karl's avatar do the peener.

Knock knock knockin' on Friday's door. Cold, cold...cold, cold ones. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCKIN' ON FRIDAY'S DOOOOOOR!!!

best in a while.

yeah, I lol'd

"Whelp, my peener doesn't go erected when I feel carnal anymore. Guess I had a good run." No! Go to the doctor idiot! Your tool is broke!

hahahahahahhaa

That's more than quality.

So MoTown.

Real or fake?:

https://www.facebook.com/DadBoner

Unofficial fan page of our favorite twitter personality

Just finished makin my KARL 3:16 tee. Used 2 bottles of whiteout on a black Hanes. Smells kinda rank but really off the chain. AW HELL YEAH!

just something about that original pic. looooooooool

When Prince gets signed, it's time to party like it's 1999, you guys. Ha! D-Town. Bad Boy City, USA. Let's do this. Bless you boys.

Just caught up on some reading.

The "Stone Cold Stunner" stuff had me lolling.

Hope he ends up making Karl 3:16 t-shirts and selling them.

piece of trash

It's funny when people reply to his tweets and try to flame him. Everyone thinks they'll be the first person to get a mention from him. Pieces of trash.

lol. probably gets them pretty carnal.

"Guess Peanut went with Dave to church 'cause he promised donuts afterwards. Came home with a sack of day olds. What a scam. I'm no sucker."

laughed so fucking hard.

Here's Stone Kold Karl's craigslist post since it keeps getting flagged down.

Creative Freelance Writer Really Lookin' For A Freelance Opportunity (Grand Blanc, MI)

Date: 2012-02-01, 5:19PM EST
Reply to: dqvwt-2829895590@serv.craigslist.org (dqvwt-2829895590@serv.craigslist.org?subject=Creative%20 Freelance%20Writer%20Really%20Lookin%27%20For%20A% 20Freelance%20Opportunity%20%28Grand%20Blanc%2C%20 MI%29&body=%0A%0Ahttp%3A%2F%2Fflint.craigslist.org%2Fwet %2F2829895590.html%0A) [Errors when replying to ads? (http://www.craigslist.org/about/help/replying_to_posts)]
ATTENTION: Do NOT "flag this for removal." It is a serious inquiry for my good pal Peanut to get published as a writer. Just 'cause it ain't your style, does NOT mean that you have the right to judge it, ya piece of trash. Writers come in all shapes and sizes and colors. This is 2012, in America, where anyone can have a shot at the dream. It's for everyone, you guys. You & me. Peanut is BLACK and HOMELESS and if you DARE try to take this down it is discrimination and I'll be really steamed. And that's the bottom line, 'cause Stone Cold Karl Welzein said so. Go ahead and try me, you no nothin' racist corncob. Peanut is just a brother tryin' to sit at the table, eatin' his piece of the pie. You got no right to hog it yourself. So selfish.

Dear Penthouse Forum,

Karl "K-Money" (street name) Welzein here. Me and my main man Homeless Peanut were gettin' pretty deep into a discussion about life and love a few nights ago, and he started tellin' me some off the chain stories about babes from way back. Since Peanut isn't much for writin', I told him I'd help him out with puttin' it together from pen to paper. I kept it as accurate as possible since Peanut said, "It might sound like I'm trippin' but this story is for real 100% true." Although, I had to put in a bit of my own K-Money swag here and there, just to add some class. I would also like to note that I told Peanut you might be turned off by using so much profanity in an erotic tale of carnal desires as bad language tends to cool it down in the passions department, but Peanut insisted on "keepin' it real," So I tried the best I could to compromise. Hope you can dig it, you guys.

SHEILA'S SHELL STATION FILL UP
by Peanut
(With K-Money)

I was kickin' it at this one Shell station tryin' to get me some a them grape Now & Laters. They good as hell and this one joint cameras don't work so I just roll up like I'm mindin' my own business and shit, tryin' to get me somethin' but I can't decide, then when nobody lookin', I jack them sweets like it ain't no thang. That's when this one Sheila girl from jr. high come by askin' where can she get a hook up, all fiendin' and shit. I was like, yo', my man Shoestring got that shit all day with bold flavors. Only problem we got here is that I can't seem to remember where that mothafucka stay at. I might have them shits written down in the toilet, ya feel me?

We bust the door in right quick and it was straight up funky in that nasty bitch. Ain't no thang though 'cause we wasn't in there to do no smellin', I just wanted me some carnal passions. I told homegirl don't be wastin' my goddamn time. I was about to get mad as hell, then trick ass Sheila big breasts hit me in the face like Jello Puddin', you guys. I was ready to get busy.

Nasty Sheila wasn't wearin' no draws, so her coochie drippin' like off the chain bold flavor BBQ. Special Recipe. I got her thick 'n rich cocoa booty all up in the Shell Station sink on my jimmy and I couldn't believe how we connected as one. Really on point.

I started goin' buckwild. Really off the chain. Chest beefers were flyin' from coast to coast. Huggin'. Kissin'. The works, really. The carnal passions were outta bounds. I could tell Sheila was goin' buckwild for a taste of my Don Cornelius & the Soul Train dancers, and before I got my chance to go down the Line, the motherfuckin' gas station manager bust in and was all like "What the hell you think you doin?! Get the fuck outta here! I'm callin' the police!"

Sheila ran the road with her titties hangin' all out and shit. She nasty. I walked outta there like it wasn't no thang. Player hater motherfucka can kiss my black ass! Ain't like I know no Shoestring anyway.

I guess our erotic relationship wasn't meant to be as I never saw Sheila again. Maybe she passed away from drugs, or maybe we'll meet up again in the future. Who knows? Either way, I'll always remember Sheila. We had adult carnal passions, and there's nothin' wrong with that when it's consensual, you guys.

-Peanut

Good God.

yeah, was trying hard not to crack up at work.

http://annwelzeinfarts.angelfire.com/

^ No painting of Captain Karl passed out in his ride?

Time to swear myself in as president of Cold One City, USA.

I'm way behind. Might have to catch up tonight.

yeah, I've not been actually reading as much, but that made me lul.

On fire with the Jeremy "Rin" stuff.

"Hey Karl, is that the new Van Halen album?!" Damn right. "Wow. I really hate that we're not listening to it in your car." Let's roll.

This guy on Finding Bigfoot (I can explain, I swear) reminds me of Captain Karl.

Lol@ the attorney call from the Jon.

So sad.

DB unmasked:

http://deadspin.com/5892450/

Wow, I was coming just to post that.

You can leave now then.

Maybe the same guy runs the Ozzie Canseco twitter feed!

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/1734740/dadboner.txt

Mon Jun 07 23:50:32 +0000 2010 We're out of beer. Great. Ann said it's summer so we should have "no tv Monday's." Great. I never bought a gun to shoot myself. Great.

Sat Dec 18 05:25:29 +0000 2010 Think I did some stuff I shouldn't have at the holiday party. Don't wanna talk about it. Gonna watch some Triple D and hit the sack. Sat Dec 18 23:32:57 +0000 2010 Keep getting weird emails from co-workers. Calling me "2 Live Karl." I don't know exactly what went down at the party. Scared to find out. Sun Dec 19 04:23:20 +0000 2010 I guess we went for after party drinks at a bar with karaoke. Sang, "Me So Horny." With my shirt off. There's pictures. Kill me.

... I would actually eat a pizza with cheetos as a topping. Smh.

At Raw tonight, lolol.

I'm WAY behind on reading Karl.

Just read up a bit and had to google "BL 'nums".

I also remember some rich mexican guy (wrestling is fake) fightin some monster face guy and a dude named Pig Show. They were huge, you guys!

lolol

Didn't care much for the fat oriental who beat up the black from the streets. In real life, man, R-Truths woulda just shot that assclown.

fat oriental

Think I figured out what Dave's "date towel" that I used to dry off after the shower is for. Pretty upset. Gonna bury it deep, deep down.

So pumped. Can't sit still at work. Just wanna party so hard for the troops, vetrens, America, Guy Fieri. Everyone, really.

Some good stuff yesterday.

Decided to take the plunge and put up an ad in Craigslist. Now, just gonna watch the babes pile high. Turned out money. flint.craigslist.org/m4w/3059484187…

Summertime Romance (Grand Blanc)

Date: 2012-06-05, 4:48PM EDT
Reply to: 83fhh-3059484187@pers.craigslist.org

Are you lookin' for a summertime romance that is both consensual, yet carnal AND mental? I gotta be honest with all you babes out there, I'm gettin' sick of the playboy lifestyle. I mean, I'm not ready for anything super long term, but my man pool is definitely open for business up until the end of August, maybe September, and I'd like a 100% woman who wants to take a love dip during those hot summer nights. It's not that I'm afraid of commitment, I'm still married by the law to Ann, but she's old news in the Snooze section. A little about me, people say I'm a bad boy. But you can't judge a book by it's cover, just 'cause mine has a rockin' pony, complete with a 'rang. I drive a convertible sports car (you just gotta check it out) which is perfect for cruisin', sippin' G&Ts, and "more" (wink). I'm also a bold flavor man from way back. Whether I'm grillin' you up one of my signature steaks (complete with my special seasonings) or blowin' your mind with my world famous Bratato salad (that's my homemade mustard potato salad, with thick cut chunks of meaty Cheddarwurst mixed right in for a flavor explosion like a thousand suns. It's so money.), you'll be eatin' outta bounds, 24/7. And around me, you'll always have a fresh cold one. I'm not one of those corncobs who lets it get down to the flat & warm spit before I'm right on point with somethin' to wet your mouth down properly. If you want a mental picture of what my touch is like, just jump of a roof at 3:57 in Still of The Night by Whitesnake. (Don't really do that and get crippled, but just picture it. It's the ultimate in carnal passion.) Also, I'm always down for a Top Shelf Marg, anytime, and I'm not stingy like Dave who will buy you a marg, but then you find out it's not Top Shelf and wanna smash his face for lyin'. If these things are to your enticement, and maybe give you the lady tingles, then let's roll, you guys.

It's so money.

deja vu

Might get some black boots to wear with my jean shorts like Stone Cold instead of my Tevas. That's definitely the move. So badass.

STONE KARL STUNNER!!

Father's Day list:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/5XP1USFEA736/ref=topnav_lists_2

lol @ small boxers

I kind of want those EVH sneakers.

@HenningBoner

Not sure about this.

They aren't all gems, but I'm amazed that this guy is still going on with this.

If I ran the dadboner account the thing would be dead after about a week.