I think he had about 2,000 followers when this thread was started, what's he at now, 80k?

Where'd you get that chainsaw?!

CAPTAIN KARL: It was in the john!

http://flint.craigslist.org/wet/3210111484.html

^ Ledezma'd! Kinda.

Wore a black leather glove on one hand over my mangled paw. Looks kinda badass? Like I'm in Motley Crue, or The Black Panthers. Both rock.

DETROIT LIONS!!!! DETROIT LIONS!!! DETROIT LIONS!!! DETROIT LIONS!!! DETROIT LIONS, YOU GUYS!!!!

^What if I never turned on the game? Would Detroit have still won? Man, this is deep. Guess we'll never know.

Ha!

Hoping to see him tweet about how he would have stopped Al-Qaeda 11 years ago.

Pretty sure Dave is going to fuck up these 'Chos somehow.

lol. 'chos.

They really need to make a DadBoner show on Adult Swim. Sounds cool?

Bodhi said that in Point Break, you guys.

Pretty worried about Karl. Think Nosey Lady's trying to get him fired.

Wow you guys! Karl was litening to Cowboy Song at the same time I was! So crazy you guys!

TL makes everything better. Ha!

Headin' to Crazy Cooter's. Let's roll, nasty boy b-day style. Heavy 'logne. Shined my 'rang. Tight pony. My swag is so on point, you guys.




Is DadBoner ruining WTFDetroit, you guys?

Put up my rezz on Craigslist. Should be goin' out to some primo interviews for gigs next week. Super pumped.http://flint.craigslist.org/res/3381915292.html


'Sup. Name's Karl. I been outta work for a little bit now due to Nosey Lady gettin' all in my business. Last job I had wasn't quite the right fit anyhow. Didn't give me the freedoms I crave. Plus, towards the end they took forever remodelin' the men's john so there wasn't anywhere to relieve myself other than the ladies', and you just can't push out a solid BM in the gals' john if you're all class like myself. I also had an incident with a bad batch of BL 'Nums which may have caused a seizure that resulted in me takin' a snooze on the floor. The whole gig was pretty much a nightmare. Anyway, I'm lookin' for somethin' bigger and bolder than ever before, so check out my rezz below, and I'm sure you'll see I got the chops for any situaish. Let's do this, you guys.


$$$ KARL WELZEIN $$$
American Entrepreneur in the USA for Hire


CAPTAIN KARL'S PIZZA SHIP 8/11-Present
Owner/Operator/CEO
Duties:
-Bold Flavors at a great value.
-Makin' sure everyone's safe and the babes are on point.
-Keepin' the celebraish goin' 24/7 -365 with specials like "buy 11 get the 12th free top shelf margs" and "Cheetos on anything for an extra dollar."
-Friendly customer service.


BAD BOY CITY USA ENTERTAINMENT 7/12-Present
President and CEO, DJ, The works, really.
Duties:
-Set up and take down of the finest in audio equipment.
(Xplod Boombox Pro Equipment by Sony)
-Blarin' jams like Seger & Whitesnake to get the carnal passions outta control at top volume.
-Performing anywhere from work functions to the biggest celebraish of the year.

TIMEHOUSE MAGAZINE 3/12-Present
Editor in Chief/Publisher
Duties:
-Provided a new way to stay informed on today's romantic eroticisms in private good taste.
-Erotic, yet intelligent, entertainment. Hand crafted by yours truly. (Samples available on request)


THE K-MONEY CLUB 9/12-Closed for Renovations
Owner
-Private firetruck bed innovator which was badass until Crazy Cooter and Bean Tooth had a "meat strokin' contest" in it with Biggie Smalls and Ratface. It was puke city and not the good kind of carnal passions.
-PLENTY of hard booze and cold ones at great value for all to enjoy until the sun comes up.
-Had some problems in the john and had to shut it down for now, but in the future, who knows? Might be cool to reopen with more mad swag than ever.
-Friendly customer service.

SPECIAL SKILLS:
Mad swag. Cool with babes from coast to coast. Rockin' pony AND 'rang. Ideas comin' out my backdoor. Hardworker with positive attitude. American. Also, my bod is on point.

Location: Grand Blanc
it's ok to contact this poster if you are a potential employer or other principal
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job seeker.
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Reading this makes me think Karl must really have made the menu?

Old Guy must be so steamed right now.

http://news.yahoo.com/dont-even-think-eating-guy-fieris-times-square-034744640.html

Lions stink, 'Stones stink, Tigers lost, Wings can't play. So sick of this. It's like Detroit is God's toilet, and he's got the juicy runs.

No updates since 12/30. Kind of concerning?

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTHLw-g7I8JM4DDM_IO1MT-7pwG2eQL4BsyYuGItI8Qyzrn31N1Qg

Must be busy working on this...

http://m.brobible.com/life/article/karl-welzein-book-in-july

This is actually kind of freaking me out.

Dude:

-Is from Saginaw
-Went to MSU
-Has a degree in advertising

All of those things are true about me as well.

You're both trolls, too!

^ HA

Annd we're back! Time for a celebraish.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/KarlWelzein

Shows: Triple D, Tigers, Lions, Wings, ESPN programs featuring Erin Andrews and Rachel Nichols. Guess I don't get to pick what's on the tube much. Dave's always hoggin' it to watch some crap like Grey's Anatomy. Such a load. It's MY Vizio. Sick of this. Might need a guy to guy.

http://www.vice.com/read/how-to-keep-it-chillin-successfully-when-youre-livin-in-your-car

http://assets.vice.com/content-images/contentimage/no-slug/1c38a88c8e7747b64ea3820694d5a0ad.jpg

speechless

http://bridgetowncomedy.com/event/dadboner-and-friends-you-guys-friday/

I'm reading old Doc Swole stories. I'm sure it's very unlikely, but sometimes I wonder if the guy behind dadboner was behind these.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ofRP5XZsRkA

Nice find.

There's going to be a book! ha. Wonder if it's just a collection of the tweets or something else.

Red Wings are smokin. Tigs are rockin. New gig is off the chain. Slaughter's "Fly To The Angels" is on the FM. Gotta give thanks, you guys.

legit lol @ Slaughter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukmobha2krY

LOL @ comments!

http://totalfratmove.com/how-to-keep-it-chillin-with-primo-babes-when-youre-crashin-a-celebraish/

SBIG

@DadBoner
Guess I'm doin' a REDDIT AMA at 3pm EST today, you guys. http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA
Better get some cold ones.

Think he's finally starting to JTS, you guys. Sad.

Yup. Noticing a downward trend here with the book and shit

Started going downhill once Burns admitted to being behind it IMO.

Twas a good run.

Sigh.
http://deadspin.com/how-bold-is-the-new-bbq-whopper-a-dadboner-taste-test-651248543?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_twitter&utm_source=deadspin_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow

Hate myself for it, but I lolled at #1.

http://www.maxim.com/funny/karl-welzein-aka-dadboner-names-his-top-5-summer-vacation-spots

Bring on the sitcom with Jim Belushi. Sigh.

Actually kinda thinking about buying the book. Talk me out of it?

Recent tweets have been kinda money.



Maybe Detroit could just tear down all them old buildings and put in a bunch of golf courses? The revenue'd be off the chain.

Yeah, he's been recovering, kinda?

Was lol'ing at some of the tweets about listening to Creed at your darkest hours

October 10th

http://www.themagicbag.com/hot.htm

Man...

Karl's officially dead to me. UNFOLLOWED.

Sick of this.

Karl's officially dead to me. UNFOLLOWED.

Sick of this.

I'm with you. He had gotten mediocre as shit lately anyways so I'm holding out hope he'll be reborn after the stupid tour but come on...enough spam...

He deleted all of the tour stuff. Ha!

Latest tweets have me cracking up, gotta admit.

Lold hard at 5:30. Not bad

@DadBoner: Wonder what woulda happened if Fireball was around when Motley Crue was still rockin'? Probably woulda all died the week it came out. Man.

Dead?

Tweeter's block, prolly.

Or @CoolGuyGlan ran him off.

hot pockets

@DadBoner 2h
WLZN. It's the Captain, comin' atcha live for St. Paddy's weekend. This one's Dedicated to Phil Lynott, you guys. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d48miCWd9xg …


ftw

Karl Welzein ‏@DadBoner (https://twitter.com/DadBoner) 5m (https://twitter.com/DadBoner/status/447103841213743104) When my brain makes a think that's off the chain, I gotta protect it better. Can't be just sayin' stuff out loud for any idiot to do wrong.

True story, I've been so preoccupied with what Goodshill has been doing that I completely forgot about ol' Karl.

No small feat

He just discovered Entourage, you guys.

Is Mike out of ideas? Kinda concerning.

Is Mike out of ideas? Kinda concerning.

Been money the last couple days.

From a couple weeks ago but lol:


Feel like I could drink about a thousand beers right now, MSU style. Like a true Sparty bad boy. Didn't go there, but I coulda probly.

I need to start remembering to check in.

That's good

Classic:

If you don't think Bob Seger's birthday is a good enough reason to drink a cold one, there's other countries available for you to live in.

Yeah, I thoughgt he was dead for a little while, good to see Karl back.

Segeritas

I was disappointed in the lack of BL Margs references.

@DadBoner
Wanna give a spesh Mom's Day, "wassup" to all the thick & natural single mothers out there in the USA. Respectfully consensual of course.

The "Seger De Mayo" stuff is pretty good, too.

http://flint.craigslist.org/tix/5104088154.html

4th of July Bash. Heat of A Thousand Suns. - $15 (Grand Blanc)

http://images.craigslist.org/00V0V_fU3RhFJoK2w_600x450.jpg
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Listen up. Name's Karl Welzein. But on the party scene you've probs heard of me as "Captain Karl" or "K-Money" if you live in a more urban area. And I've got a special "invite only" to my private Captain Karl's (featuring Dave*) 4th of July Bonkers Bash With The Heat of A Thousand Suns.

Guess Crazy Cooter's mom is dyin' in the hospital so he can't host his regular 4th throw down. It's ok 'cause sometimes Cooter's place can get terrifying and violence has been know to occur, not that I can't handle myself on the streets, bad boy style. I'm never one to start a brawl, but I'll finish it. Real quick. Hope Cooter's mom gets better and all that crap as well. But that's not what's important right now.

The private Captain Karl's (featuring Dave*) 4th of July Bonkers Bash With The Heat of A Thousand Suns is where YOU need to be on the 4th if you're not some corncob.

Festivities include: grillin', hard booze bong competish, piles of 'works, randy babes with healthy chest beefers, I'll probs take my shirt off sometimes for the gals, several kiddie pools for a possible carnal one on one rendezvous, might make a keg tub of my world famous Bratato Salad if there's time, yelling, and rock jams provided by WLZN on a premium boom box. Also, might try to rent a monster truck. Man.

Saturday. July 4th. My parkin' lot. 1pm 'til the sun comes up. Don't wanna put my address down 'cause of some outstanding bills and the government could see it, but just drive around the Grand Blanc area for about 10 minutes and you'll probably see the line and hear the noize crankin'.

If YOU miss this celebraish of a lifetime, you might as well just suck a tailpipe.

$15 admission fee for guys. If you gotta bring your kid it's like 5 bucks for them as long as they're chill and don't act like a crybaby. Babes are just $1 if you wear a 'kini top and show off your American beauties, respectfully. VIP tix available for inside usage of our private john, $47, tp included. Bottle and can booze or pop appreciated. BYOB.

Captain Karl's (featuring Dave*) 4th of July Bonkers Bash With The Heat of A Thousand Suns. Let's do this. For the USA.

*Dave made me put that 'cause he's forkin' over some bread to pay for supplies. So stupid. He's lucky to be involved. I'm the main man around town. No one shows up to see Dave. They show up to get nasty nasty with K-Money comin' correct, you guys.


do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

That's nice every once in a while.

No hope. Lovin' the bold flavors of a cold steel barrel.

Oh no, you guys.

Beer keg I bet, lolz!

Everyone was sentenced to death when they were born.

Reminds me of a lonely_dad tweet.

I guess comedy central picked up a pilot for an animated dadboner? Probably going to be awful, you guys

Probably, yes, but definitely better than live action.

Probably, yes, but definitely better than live action.

Undoubtedly. I guess it could be good if they make it dark enough. Don't know if the comedy will stand on its own for a show

Happy for Mike, but this will bomb

Is it really happening? All the stories I'm seeing are over a year old...

oh, nothing new, I just didn't know about it

I wonder if the pilot didn't take so he's just killing him off...

Killing off the meal ticket? I mean the guy is from Saginaw, but he's not that dumb, right? Right? #smh

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CPkvZv4UEAE5Q4g.jpg

What's next for the Lions? Some cop shoots Calvin Johnson on the field 'cause he thinks the football is a gun? Sick of this.

I need to quit forgetting to check in on him. The Packers stuff is funny.

@DadBoner
Aaron Rogers probs makes it with, like, piles of babes. Matt Stafford probs throws babes to other dudes by accident. Idiot.

Kill me in the mouth with a gun

Seems about two years too late for this, but

https://youtu.be/gxQ-Okg5aWM

Might be three or four years too late, honestly

This is pretty lame, wonder if I'll be able to watch the whole thing.

Didn't make it 6 minutes, had to tap

Karl Welzein ‏@DadBoner (https://twitter.com/DadBoner) 17h17 hours ago (https://twitter.com/DadBoner/status/819324461237170176) If Trump's the #1 guy and likes to get whizzed on, wonder what the #2 guy Mike Pence likes? Ha! Just some thoughtful guy humor.

So sick of Cris Collinsworth. Looks like Dan Aykroyd from The Great Outdoors. Thinks he's better than me.

http://scontent.fdet1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17796000_1409626665742981_6395273864696145255_n.jp g?oh=a4806d26a9b7937bb42c613938118cb9&oe=5993D115

https://www.facebook.com/KarlWelzeinDadBoner/posts/1521571577904095

Still funny, but liked the whole act a lot better when it was Twitter only and no one knew who it was.

Agreed

I miss Peanut.

RIP

A classic

http://brobible.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/dadboner-1.png

@DadBoner
Have white nationalists ever even HEARD a Lionel Richie song? Idiots.

So proud of @DadBoner

Capt. Karl getting political with "Prez Dump" lol

How many "AND UNFOLLOWED!" tweets is he getting?

Wonder if Captain Karl is gonna have some cheap margs this weekend for Cinco?

Wonder if Captain Karl is gonna have some cheap margs this weekend for Cinco?
BL margs. Dave, that idiot, forgot to tell him what liquor store had them in stock. I think this was still in the Peanut era.

BL margs. Dave, that idiot, forgot to tell him what liquor store had them in stock. I think this was still in the Peanut era.
LAWL:
https://twitter.com/search?q=%22BL%20Margs%22&src=typd

LAWL:
https://twitter.com/search?q=%22BL%20Margs%22&src=typd
better filtered:
https://twitter.com/search?s=follows&vertical=default&q=%22BL%20Margs%22&src=typd

better filtered:
https://twitter.com/search?s=follows&vertical=default&q=%22BL%20Margs%22&src=typd
Best
https://twitter.com/search?l=&q=from%3ADadBoner%20since%3A2012-04-30%20until%3A2012-05-08&src=typd



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https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1572732889/captainkarl_bigger.jpg Karl Welzein‏ @DadBoner (https://twitter.com/DadBoner) 5 May 2012 (https://twitter.com/DadBoner/status/198853534043746304)







Went to Subway. Asked that Tito who gives me looks for ranch on my meatball subs, "Dónde están los MARGS BL. 5 dólares?" Played it cool.

0 replies 30 retweets 19 likes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yz6cH8gdIcc

/Cross-posted:


https://powermoveswithmikeburns.com/products/face-your-demons-tee

https://wwmt.com/news/entertainment/thousands-sign-petition-to-rename-columbus-ohio-to-flavortown-in-honor-of-guy-fier

Really missing Peanut right now yg.

https://x.com/super70ssports/status/1908722953304355018?s=46