Cafe au Bat? Woman Treated for Rabies After Finding Bat in Coffee Filter

Monday , September 29, 2008

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa — It wasn't just the caffeine that gave an Iowa woman an extra jolt after she had her morning coffee. It was also the bat she found in the filter.

The Iowa Department of Public Health says the woman reported a bat in her house but wasn't too worried about it. She turned on her automatic coffee maker before bedtime and drank her coffee the next morning.

She discovered the bat in the filter when she went to clean it that night. The woman has undergone treatment for possible rabies.

Health officials say that the bat was sent to a lab but that its brain was too cooked by the hot water to determine whether it had rabies.

http://www.crazydogtshirts.com/catalog/office%20run%20full.jpg
http://www.bestweekever.tv/bwe/images/2007/09/MEREDITH%20RABIES.jpg
http://s3.causes.com/photos/eY/Ae/XW/RH/Z2/IM/A5/BpH.jpg

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=3906861&cl=10082262&ch=4226713&src=news

That lady who got stuck to the toilet's boyfriend has since won the lottery twice this year.

Karma. Bitch deserved to be stuck to the toilet.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/17655770/detail.html


FERNDALE, Mich. -- Ferndale police said an adult education student tossed liquid on a teacher because he believed she was a witch who needed to be purified.

Police said 20-year-old Darin Najor of Ferndale threatened the teacher last month at Taft Education Center a day after confronting her about Arthur Miller's "The Crucible," which focuses on the Salem Witch Trials.

Detective Ken Denmark told The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak that Najor says he was trying to purify the teacher with holy water. Denmark said Najor also had a lighter and wanted to, in his words, "burn the witch."

Najor is charged with assault and battery and faces an Oct. 23 hearing. He is free on bond.

Court records didn't list a lawyer for Najor, and there was no telephone listing under his name.

We should see if she weighs as much as a duck.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/10/09/house.divided/index.html

A couple who separated after 40 years of marriage split their house in two -- literally.

The husband cut the house in two.
http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/10/09/house.divided/art.splithouse.pp.jpg

We should see if she weighs as much as a duck.
Did she turn you into a newt?

Did she turn you into a newt?

A newt!?

He got better...

Taiwan student dies during fast food binge

Fri Oct 24, 1:55 am

ETTAIPEI (Reuters Life!) – A man died just as he was about to win a university binge eating contest in Taiwan, scoffing down two buns filled with rice and cheese as well as some of his teammate's food, the college said on Friday.

The 23-year-old, described as tall and strong, vomited relentlessly, passed out and died on Thursday during the "Big Stomach King" contest at Dayeh University in central Taiwan. He had pulled ahead of 30 other teams.

"I can't say why he died," said Huang Te-hsiang, the university's dean of student affairs. "He had been in the contest before. He was a strong guy."

The graduate student, surnamed Chen, may have eaten too fast rather than too much, a campus publicist said. Chen was on course to win the five-year-old annual competition, she said. He would have won T$2,000 ($60).

Taiwan's education ministry has halted campus-based eating contests while an investigation is launched.

This thread needs more entries - I love reading this shit.

:motown owns:

World's heaviest man marries in Mexico

By MARK WALSH, Associated Press Writer

MONTERREY, Mexico – The world's heaviest man has tied the knot. Manuel Uribe, who hasn't left his bed in six years, married his longtime girlfriend Claudia Solis Sunday in northern Mexico.

Wearing a white silk shirt with a sheet wrapped around his legs, Uribe smiled as Solis, 38, walked down a flight of stairs wearing a strapless ivory dress, a tiara and hot-pink lipstick.

He later broke into tears as a notary declared the couple husband and wife in a civil ceremony attended by more than 400 guests. For the traditional first dance as newlyweds, Uribe and Solis held hands and swayed to a romantic ballad.

A popular local norteno band played accordion-heavy tunes at the reception, which featured a banquet of meat and buttered vegetables.

Uribe's mother, Orquedia Garza, said the groom steered clear of the five-tier wedding cake.

"He didn't break his diet," she told The Associated Press. "His doctors are here and they are watching him very closely."

The wedding, which was closed to most media, will be featured in an upcoming Discovery Channel documentary on Uribe, the 43-year-old former mechanic said.

"I have a wife and will form a new family and live a happy life," Uribe told hordes of reporters earlier as they followed him through the streets of Monterrey.

A flatbed truck was brought in to tow his custom-made bed decorated with a canopy, flowers and gold-trimmed bows to the wedding at a local event hall. Two police patrol cars escorted him ahead of a long line of traffic.

Uribe tipped the scales in 2006 at 1,230 pounds (560 kilograms), earning him the Guinness World Record as the world's heaviest man.

He has since shed about 550 pounds (250 kilograms) with the help of Solis, whom he met four years ago.

Uribe said he's gunning for a new title: world's greatest weight loser.

This guy stole ideas from my wedding.

Fucker.

POIDH, you say?

http://d.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20081027/capt.3b31982006e14568a22da46d2baebfcf.mexico_half_ ton_man_mty105.jpg?x=400&y=279&q=85&sig=3vJBXafrAGX5x_GnKsomSQ--

Check out his brother "Slim" on the right.

This guy stole ideas from my wedding.

Fucker.

Fat piece of shit.

I'm not sure if I should put this in this thread, or make a new thread labeled "WTF's News of the freakin' awesome."

http://www.parentdish.com/2008/11/03/teen-changes-his-name-to-captain-fantastic-and-so-on/


Teen changes his name to Captain Fantastic and so on
by Sandy Maple Nov 3rd 2008 2:00PM

Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined is a nineteen year old boy living in Glastonbury, Somerset, UK. Obviously, he was not born with that name. The former George Garratt legally changed his name last week because he "wanted to be unique."

At 81 letters, it is thought to be the longest name in the world. And, in my opinion, one of the most ridiculous. Captain Fantastic's granny does not approve and, according to him, has quit speaking to him since the name change.

The photo accompanying this story shows Mr. Fantastic (is that what we should call him?) grinning madly as he shows off a sign bearing his new name. He thinks his name is 'crazy' and I can't argue with that. But I wonder if he ever plans on getting a grown-up job or finding a mate or having children. Who would take a man with a comic book name seriously? And is having such a unique and crazy name worth alienating your own grandma?

I'm not sure if I should put this in this thread, or make a new thread labeled "WTF's News of the freakin' FANTASTIC."

http://www.parentdish.com/2008/11/03/teen-changes-his-name-to-captain-fantastic-and-so-on/

Bukdow is from the UK?!

Bowler dies after perfect game
Remembered by family, friends

Last Edited: Thursday, 06 Nov 2008, 10:21 PM EST

RAVENNA, Mich. (WOOD) - Friends remembered Thursday night a man who died just minutes after bowling a perfect 300.

Don Doane, 62, of Ravenna bowled that perfect game on October 16 at the Ravenna Bowl. Friends told 24 Hour News 8 he was celebrating the milestone with other bowlers in the alley when he collapsed of a heart attack.

"Don had been close a couple other times where he had the first 10 in a row. But this was a lifetime acheivement for him, and coming up off the approaches a lot of congratulations, a lot of high fives," said Jim Nutt, a friend and teammate.

The league is planning a memorial in which Doane's wife and son will each get rings marking Don's perfect game.

That's a good death. A warrior's death. Don Doane has found a place in Valhalla.

Season Shot - Ammo with flavor (http://www.seasonshot.com)


Season Shot is made of tightly packed seasoning bound by a fully biodegradable food product. The seasoning is actually injected into the bird on impact seasoning the meat from the inside out. When the bird is cooked the seasoning pellets melt into the meat spreading the flavor to the entire bird. Forget worrying about shot breaking your teeth and start wondering about which flavor shot to use!
Load your gun with Season Shot and let the hunt begin. Watch as your bird is seasoned on impact leaving no harmful waste behind in the environment.
Forget about removing shot, prepare the whole bird for dinner! The Season Shot pellets will melt in the oven seasoning the entire bird.
Enjoy! No wasted time, no wasted meat, no waste left behind. Finally there's a better way!

Technology!

http://www.parentdish.com/2008/11/03/teen-changes-his-name-to-captain-fantastic-and-so-on/[/QUOTE]
Marvelous Marvin Hagler would be proud.

In other news of the weird:

http://bashbacknews.wordpress.com/2008/11/11/bash-back-raises-hell-at-anti-queer-mega-church/


The Mount Hope Church is a deplorable, anti-queer mega-church in
Lansing, Michigan. The church works to institutionalize transphobia and
homophobia through several repulsive projects including organized “ex-gay” conferences and so-called “hell houses”, which depict queers, trannies and womyn who seek abortions as the horrors. Mt. Hope is complicit in the repression of queers in Michigan and beyond.

Bash Back! ain’t down with that. And so on Sunday November 9th, about
thirty radical queers from Lansing, Chicago, Memphis and Milwaukee disrupted the church’s most well-attended sermon.

At noon, a small group of folks dressed in pink and black, equipped with a megaphone, black flags, picket signs and an upside-down pink cross began demonstrating outside the church. The group was extremely loud and wildly offensive.

The demonstration drew a majority of Mount Hope’s security staff outside
to watch them.

Meanwhile, with the guards pre-occupied by the distraction, over a dozen queers had put on their Sunday-best and infiltrated the church’s congregation. At the signal that the guards had been lured outside, the
infiltrators sprung into action.

A group stood up, declared themselves fags, and began screaming loudly.
Upon hearing the loud interruption, other affinity groups went into action. A team that had been hiding under the pews in the closed-off balcony dropped a banner and pulled back the curtains to reveal “IT’S OKAY TO BE GAY! BASH BACK!”. Another group threw over a thousand fliers to the entirety of the congregation. The fire alarm was pulled. Queers began making out in front of the pastor. And within a matter of minutes, everyone had evaded the guards and made their escapes.

Bash Back! operatives, still hidden among the congregation observed a
person screaming that Satan had come to Mount Hope, that the end was here, that the queers were everywhere. She then began speaking tongues. The dumbfounded pastor, after regaining his composure, went on to speak of the of decadent, depraved wolves that menace his flock of sheep.

Let it be known: So long as bigots kill us in the streets, this pack of
wolves will continue to BASH BACK!

I'd say no one deserves this, but she deserves this.


Woman Injects Cooking Oil Into Face
posted: 21 MINUTES AGO
comments: 74
filed under: Health News

(Nov. 12) - A Korean woman is responsible for her own cosmetic procedure nightmare after she injected cooking oil into her face, London's Daily Telegraph reported.

Doctors removed more than 2 ounces of cooking oil from Hang Mioku's face and more than 7 ounces from her neck after her botched attempt to achieve eternal youth left her face severely enlarged and disfigured.

Hang, 48, first had plastic surgery 20 years ago. She moved to Japan and underwent several more surgeries, mostly to her face, until she became unrecognizable, according to the Telegraph.

Hang's own parents didn't know who she was when she returned home to Korea. But that didn't stop her from wanting more. Hang managed to find a doctor who was willing to give her silicone injections and even supplied her with a syringe and silicone so she could inject herself.

When she ran out of silicone, Hang decided to substitute cooking oil, the Telegraph reported.


EDIT: Gross: Don't proceed if you don't want to throw up.


























http://www.news.com.au/common/imagedata/0,,6346005,00.jpg

^^Seriously? No comments about this?

[smilie=hitit.gif]

As always, Wiz comes up huge.

POIDH

It happened.

Man tries to pay bill with a drawing of a spider (http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847)

Very Motown.

Man tries to pay bill with a drawing of a spider (http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847)


That was amazing.

I definately LOLed a couple times at that.

I love how it has 7 legs.

Edit: Oh, I see they point that out later. LOL.

http://i156.photobucket.com/albums/t5/brendan13_photo/Picture3-30.png

Would you crawl through a ceiling to hit it? (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1117082jail1.html)



Cops: Indiana inmates crawled through ceilings for sexual trysts

NOVEMBER 17--Undaunted by a concrete wall separating their respective cellblocks, male and female inmates took advantage of a design flaw in an Indiana jail to engage in late-night sexual trysts. The Greene County inmates--three men and three women--pried open metal security tiles in the ceiling of their respective dormitory-style housing units to gain access to the adjoining cellblock, according to a probable cause affidavit (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1117082jail2.html) filed in Circuit Court. A copy of that detail-packed, and entertaining, affidavit can be found here. They were able to get into the lockup next door because the concrete wall separating the spaces did not continue to the building's roof. As first reported by the Bloomfield Free Press (http://www.bloomfieldfreepress.com/escape.html), a blind spot in the Greene County jail's security camera system kept officials from quickly spotting the illicit excursions, which began two months ago. The six inmates, pictured in the below mug shots, were charged today with felony escape. Investigators learned of the ceiling hijinks after conducting a search of the cellblocks last month. During that shakedown, the November 14 affidavit notes, investigators found letters in the female dormitory indicating that inmates "were getting through the ceiling area, and making contact with each other. This contact appears to include sexual activity." The first female inmate approached by a sheriff's investigator was asked "if she knew why I might want to talk to her," wrote Detective George Dallaire. The woman, who was not charged, "asked if it had anything to do with the girls going through the ceiling."
http://i.cdn.turner.com/trutv/thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art4/1117082jail1.jpg

Would you crawl through a ceiling to hit it? (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/1117082jail1.html)


Those guys aren't my type, actually.

The one on the bottom left looks like a girl.

Man says he shot wife during sex
Husband: it was an accident


Created On: Tuesday, 02 Dec 2008, 12:02 PM EST

Reported by Sonu Wasu, WDTN

URBANA, Ohio (WDTN) - An Urbana Township woman is listed in critical after a strange accident. Investigators say 38-year-old Carolyn Havens was shot in the chest by her husband, Timothy Havens.

The call for help came from a home on East County Line Road early Sunday morning. Timothy Havens called 911 stating he had accidentally shot his wife while they were having sex.

Havens told authorities he was reaching for something on a night stand while they were being intimate, when the .38 caliber pistol went off, striking his wife in the upper chest.

Champaign County Prosecutor Nick Selvaggio said the incident was under investigation.

Court documents indicate the couple has had problems before. Havens served 60 days in jail for assaulting his wife and violating a protection order in October. The judge also ordered Havens to get anger management counseling.

http://media2.wdtn.com//photo/2008/12/01/f559_20081201182358_320_240.JPG

Can we confirm that Harry Smith wasn't involved?

It sounds innocent enough, who hasn't done that before?

Bet she swallows now.

Too soon?

POIDH

Yuck

Bet she swallows now.


This was the correct answer.

Just the thing (http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/11/28/used-schoolgirl-panties/) to go with a mountain dew and some flamin' hot cheetos...


There is no place like Japan when it comes to vending machine weirdness.

You can get a whole slew of weird, but common, items like umbrellas, rice, beer, tobacco, eggs, and even porn, on any given street through the land of the rising sun.

However, in some darker and more obscure side streets of Japan, you can find vending machines selling things that even the Japanese find weird and strange.

One such vending machine that is found through out Japan is the “Used Schoolgirl Panties” vending machine.

As the image shows, machines would carry used panties with a picture of the schoolgirl who supposedly had worn them before giving them up to be sold.

Used schoolgirl panties are so popular, that even stores illegally sell them. As you can see in the below hidden camera investigation, schoolgirls can come into stores like this one and they are paid for the underwear they are currently wearing.
http://www.weirdasianews.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/schoolgirl-panties.jpg

Old news but new to me...
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2007-11/13/content_6251535.htm

Used condoms that have been reprocessed into rubber bands and hair ties have been sold in Dongguan, Guangdong Province, raising concerns about public health.

In addition to being sold at local bazaars, the recycled condoms have been found at local beauty salons in the prosperous Pearl River Delta city, according to Guangzhou-based New Express Daily.
...

How definitive!

http://www.wwmt.com/articles/paw_1356979___article.html/wash_car.html

PAW PAW, Mich. (NEWSCHANNEL 3) - Police were called to a car wash on the 600 block of West Michigan Monday after the owner of the business found something strange in one of the wash bays.



The object appeared to be a heart. The business owner says that he has had animal parts and hair left in the wash bays before, but this was a first.



Police took the heart to a local animal clinic, but the doctor there could not determine from what kind of an animal the heart had come. The officers then took the heart to a cardiologist and were advised that he could not rule out the possibility that the heart was human.

http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Photo/_new/081217-burger-king-flame-hmed-3p.hmedium.jpg

By Sarika Dani
TODAY staff
updated 6:27 p.m. ET, Wed., Dec. 17, 2008
The way to a man's heart may be through his stomach, but the way to a woman's heart — according to Burger King — may be through a new meat-scented body spray.

While fast-food chains aren't exactly best known for selling signature fragrances, on Sunday The Home of the Whopper rolled out a men's body spray called Flame by BK. The 5-ml bottles are available for sale in Ricky's stores in New York City and on a dedicated Web site, firemeetsdesire.com.

If you're salivating for a chance to marinate yourself in flame-broiled flavor, relax: The experience can be yours for just $3.99 — a small price to pay for some seriously mouthwatering mojo.

http://www.firemeetsdesire.com/

Weird doesn't mean bad:

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/T/TEC_TECHBIT_AUDIO_AQUARIUM?SITE=WWJAM&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-10126284-71.html?tag=mncol

This story made me hungry.

Chinese seek to pull cats from the menu (http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-cats23-2008dec23,0,2131716.story?page=2&track=rss)


Reporting from Guangzhou, China -- The gray tabby cat with hazel eyes and a white nose scrunched at the bottom of a stack of metal cages filled with rabbits, quail, pigeons and ducks, across the aisle from the buckets of turtles and scorpions in a narrow shop with as many live animals as a petting zoo.

If it was male or female, young or old, nobody seemed to know or care. All that mattered was its weight, 6 1/2 pounds.

"We'll cut it up right here in back for you," the shopkeeper suggested, gesturing toward a bloodstained room.

The scene is routine at butcher shops in Guangzhou, the capital of Guangdong province, formerly known as Canton.


But now fellow Chinese are drawing the line. Eating cat, they say -- that is just too disgusting.

"Cats are your friends, not food," read the banners carried at a demonstration last week at the Guangzhou train station, where protesters were trying to intercept a shipment of cats.

"Shame on Guangdong!" they chanted at another demonstration, held at the Beijing offices of the Guangdong provincial government.

Dog is eaten in many parts of China, but only in Guangdong do people eat cat. It is rare to see a stray wandering the streets. Many cats served for supper here are shipped down from the north.


"Cat meat is good for women. You can eat it in the summer or winter. It is very light. Men usually prefer dog. It is like yin and yang. Cat is yin and dog is yang," said customer Jiang Changlin, who works for the local government.

He recommended that visitors try one of Guangdong's most famous recipes, "dragon fighting tiger," a dish made with both snake and cat, its distinctiveness coming from the competing power of the ingredients.

"Delicious!" Jiang said.

Still eager to sell the cat in the cage, the shop's manager, Tang Huacheng, suggested a simple recipe.

"You just have to boil the cat for a long time," Tang said. "It has a very nice, fresh taste."

How it is ok to butcher cows and pigs but cats are untouchable is beyond me. I'm not saying I would eat cat, but this is something I don't entirely understand.

I've thought about butchering my cat many times, not to eat her though... she's just a bitch.

http://www.seacoastonline.com/articles/20081226-NEWS-81226002

http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/mladakakos

http://www.seacoastonline.com/articles/20081226-NEWS-81226002

http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/mladakakos

Hmm.

Dude sends nekkid pictures of his ex-gf to her mother...

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2008/dec/24/242335/lingerie-bowl-player-sues-ex-boyfriend-over-nude-p/news-breaking/

Berry, a rookie linebacker with the Tampa Breeze franchise of the Lingerie Football League...

They actually have leagues? I thought it was just staged for Superbowl halftime shows.

Doesn't this happen to you all the time?

After a night of drinking, Charris Bowers and her husband arrived at their Deltona home late Saturday and began having oral sex, the report says.

But moments later as Bowers and her spouse, Delou, engaged in the act, she began biting down hard enough that Delou Bowers asked her to stop, the report says.

When she refused, Delou Bowers started punching Charris Bowers in the head and face until she finally let go, the report says.
http://www.news-journalonline.com/NewsJournalOnline/breakingNews/oral122308.htm

Police find man living in woman's attic

Published: Dec. 29, 2008 at 4:05 PM

WILKES-BARRE, Pa., Dec. 29 (UPI) -- A Pennsylvania woman alleges a man police discovered in her attic had been stealing food and clothing from the home she shares with her three children.

Stacey Ferrance said she suspected theft after her laptop computer and iPod went missing and phoned police after finding a footprint on the wall of her bedroom closet, which contains the door to the attic, The (Wilkes-Barre, Pa.) Times Leader reported Monday.

Police said the man, identified as Stanley Carter, 21, came out of the attic Friday and surrendered himself to officers after hearing a police dog inside Ferrance's home.

"When he came down from the attic, he was wearing my daughter's pants and my sweatshirt and sneakers," Ferrance said. "It's not something I would expect, someone living in my attic. It's disturbing."

Ferrance said Carter had formerly stayed with her neighbors, who have a door to the same shared attic inside their home. She said she believed the neighbors had reported Carter, who is from Arkansas, missing Dec. 19.

"He had everything up there," she said. "He had candles, food; he wrapped himself in blankets and insulation to sleep."

Carter was charged with multiple counts of burglary, theft, receiving stolen property and criminal trespass. He was taken to the Luzerne County Correctional Facility in lieu of $25,000 bail.

Ouch!

A Gresham man accused of bursting nude into an elderly woman's home and attacking her Tuesday morning faces accusations of burglary, harassment and private indecency.

Michael G. Dick, 46, was arrested by Troutdale police a short time after the attack, according to the Multnomah County Sheriff's Office.

The 88-year-old woman told police that a naked man entered her home in the 2500 block of SE 287th Avenue through an unlocked sliding door around 6:30 a.m.

She said the man backed her into the living room and pushed her face-down on a chair.

But when she grabbed the man's crotch and squeezed, he ran away, the sheriff's office said.


http://www.oregonlive.com/news/index.ssf/2008/12/troutdale_police_arrest_suspec.html

Was Bush driving in Miami?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/odd_expressway_shoes

MIAMI – State troopers are looking for a charity to take thousands of shoes that were dumped on a Miami expressway, tying up rush hour traffic. Lt. Pat Santangelo says the Florida Highway Patrol received a call about the shoes Friday morning.
Santangelo says he's not sure where the shoes came from. There were no signs of a crash and no one stopped to claim them. He says he hopes someone will take them because he doesn't want to send them to the dump.
Workers using a front-end loader and a dump truck were able to quickly clear at least one lane by sweeping all the shoes to shoulder, but delays were expected until they could all be removed.

http://d.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/cbs_local/20090102/videolthumb.d2f7579ffbcee766a8c1c2a3e9f12a01.jpg?x =213&y=160&xc=1&yc=1&wc=399&hc=300&q=100&sig=kXe21RtGBIxgp1D1j..rGQ--

Imelda Marcos, your time is now.

TMac's lazy eye has nothing on this fuckup:

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/6202701.html

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2105253.ece



SHOCKED surgeons were forced to use their imagination after operating on woman with a huge can of hairspray stuck in her bum.

Mirela Gradinaru, 37, arrived at the clinic in Arad, western Romania, in agony, begging docs to help.

But she refused to tell surgeons how the can came to be lodged in her rear even after a successful operation dislodged the canister.

Mirandolina Prisca, a doctor at the clinic, explained: "We had X-rays done to localise the object and then we carried out the operation. The patient was fine after it.

"She was very embarrassed. She was clearly in a lot of pain, however it got there."

"This was not just a little can of deodorant, this was a massive can of hairspray," said one hospital worker.



Here's the x-ray...

http://www.wdfn.com/cc-common/mlib/1128/01/1128_1231518450.jpg

I know this was how it went down in the good ol' days, but it's really weird (and sad) to see it today:

http://www.montereyherald.com/local/ci_11441432?nclick_check=1&forced=true

The case started when a Greenfield father reported his 14-year-old daughter as a runaway Jan. 2. Police now believe the father, Marcelino DeJesus Martinez, 36, actually agreed to sell his daughter in marriage to an 18-year-old neighbor, and he wanted the police to help return the girl because he hadn't been paid.

The agreed-upon price was $16,000 in cash, 150 cases of beer, 150 cases of soda, several cases of meat and two cases of wine, Grebmeier said.

Why not just ask for $20k?

Man Takes 26 Years To Solve Rubik's Cube
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?Man_takes_26_years_to_solve_Rubik%92s _Cube&in_article_id=471180&in_page_id=2

Agent: Pilot mutters "die" as run from law ends

By JESSICA GRESKO and JAY REEVES, Associated Press Writers
2 mins ago

QUINCY, Fla. – An investment manager who apparently staged a plane crash to evade personal and financial ruin was barely conscious and muttered the word "die" when federal agents found him bleeding from a slashed wrist, an investigator said Wednesday.

U.S. Marshals apprehended Marcus Schrenker, 38, late Tuesday at a northern Florida campground two days after the amateur daredevil pilot apparently tried to fake his own death in a plane crash. Authorities believe he parachuted to the ground and later sped off on a red motorcycle he had stashed in central Alabama.

Frank Chiumento, an assistant chief with the U.S. Marshals in Florida, said officers had to tend to Schrenker's self-inflicted gash to the wrist before he was airlifted to Tallahassee Memorial Hospital. Schrenker was listed in fair condition early Wednesday.

The gash was "very serious at the time," Chiumento said. "He was bleeding profusely from the wounds to the left arm." Besides the slashed wrist, there was a puncture wound near his elbow, he said.

Schrenker was semiconscious and muttering single words but appeared to resist first aid from the marshals.

"Just as we were administering first aid to him we were giving him assurances that he would be OK and he seemed to mutter some words that he was resistant to that. He muttered 'die' at one time as if he didn't want the first aid that we were rendering to him," Chiumento said on ABC's "Good Morning America."

A law enforcement official, speaking on condition of anonymity because no charges have been publicly filed yet, said prosecutors in Florida are considering whether to charge Schrenker with two federal crimes: one for making a false distress call, and another for recklessly letting his plane crash.

Schrenker arrived at the campground Monday night riding his motorcycle, and paid $25.75 in cash for a night on the grounds, said Caroline Hastings, 32, who owns and operates the campground with her husband. She gave him a code to use wireless Internet, four bottles of water and six bundles of firewood. He also bought a six-pack of Bud Light Lime, and said he was leaving in the morning, she said. But by Tuesday, he still wasn't gone, and hadn't paid for another night.

"He was nice. He was pleasant," said Hastings. "He wasn't odd at all."

Chiumento said Schrenker was found based on information from U.S. Marshals officers in Indiana and in Alabama. He did not provide details of how Schrenker was tracked to Florida, but told ABC it was not based on tips from the campsite.

Schrenker is expected to be kept in the hospital until Thursday and then to be held in the Gadsden County jail pending extradition to Indiana, a sheriff's office spokesman said.

Deputy U.S. Marshal John Beeman of the Southern District of Indiana said Schrenker will likely be brought back to Hamilton County, just north of Indianapolis, where a judge issued an arrest warrant Tuesday on felony fraud charges alleging that Schrenker acted as a financial adviser after his state license expired on Dec. 31.

Evidence, including the motorcycle authorities believe Schrenker used to get away, was being analyzed Wednesday morning, Chiumento said. He wouldn't describe what else was found at the Chattahoochee campground, but did say the investigation revealed Schrenker was prepared to be on the run for some time.

Schrenker fled not only the law but divorce, a state investigation of his businesses and angry investors who accuse him of stealing potentially millions in savings they entrusted to him.

"We've learned over time that he's a pathological liar — you don't believe a single word that comes out of his mouth," said Charles Kinney, a 49-year-old airline pilot from Atlanta who alleges Schrenker scammed up to $135,000 from his parents' retirement fund.

On Sunday — two days after burying his stepfather and suffering a half-million-dollar loss in federal court the same day — Schrenker was flying his single-engine Piper Malibu to Florida from his Indiana home when he reported the windshield had imploded over central Alabama.

Then his radio went silent.

Military jets tried to intercept the plane and found the door open, the cockpit dark. The aircraft crashed more than 200 miles farther south in a Florida Panhandle bayou surrounded by homes.

Police believe Schrenker parachuted to the ground in central Alabama, where he'd stashed a motorcycle with full saddlebags in a storage unit in Harpersville rented just the day before his flight.

It appeared, by all accounts, that Schrenker was doing quite well.

At 38, he controlled an impressive slate of businesses. Through his Heritage Wealth Management Inc., Heritage Insurance Services Inc. and Icon Wealth Management, he was responsible for providing financial advice and managing portfolios worth millions.

He collected luxury automobiles, owned two airplanes and lived in a 10,000-square-foot house in an upscale neighborhood known as "Cocktail Cove," where affluent boaters often socialize with cocktails in hand.

But officials now say Schrenker's enterprise was ready to topple.

Authorities in Indiana have been investigating Schrenker's businesses on allegations that he sold clients annuities and charged them exorbitant fees they weren't aware they would face.

State Insurance Commissioner Jim Atterholt said Schrenker would close the investors out of one annuity and move them to another while charging them especially high "surrender charges" — in one case costing a retired couple $135,000 of their original $900,000 investment.

In recent weeks, Schrenker's life began to spin out of control. According to documents in a lawsuit filed in Indianapolis, Schrenker sent a frantic e-mail to plaintiffs on Dec. 16.

"I walked out on my job about 30 minutes ago," it read. "My career is over ... over one letter in a trade error. One letter!! ... I've had so many people yelling at me today that I couldn't figure out what was up or down. I still can't figure it out."

It's unclear to what "error" he is referring. In another e-mail to a neighbor following his disappearance, Schrenker referred to having "just made a 2 million dollar mistake." But it appeared he was hoping to work things out.

But things were now out of his hands.

On Dec. 31, officers searched Schrenker's home, seizing his family's passports, $6,036 in cash, the title to a Lexus and deposit slips for bank accounts in Michelle Schrenker's name. They also took six computers and nine large plastic tubs filled with various financial and corporate documents.

In the supporting affidavit, investigators suggested Schrenker might have access to at least $665,000 in the offshore accounts of a client.

But it wasn't just his finances that were in turmoil.

Just a day before, Michelle Schrenker had filed for divorce. She told the people searching the house that her husband had been having an affair.

Hours after Schrenker vanished, neighbor Tom Britt received what he believes is an e-mail from Schrenker. The tone was ominous.

"I embarrassed my family for the last time," Britt quoted Schrenker as saying. "By the time you read this I'll be gone."

Hurry up and make the movie of this one.

The Pistons weren't the only ones to expose themselves in front of cameras:

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20090115/NEWS/90115005/-1/ENT05

The Pistons weren't the only ones to expose themselves in front of cameras:

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20090115/NEWS/90115005/-1/ENT05



Kyle Matthew Thompson, 20, of 7535 N.W. 16th St., ...

LOL

If I were a mob boss, I'd let this dude hang for using my name so loosely:

http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2009/jan/23/brooklyn-man-says-godfather-will-kill-fp-officer-h/
"Brooklyn man threatens to send ‘Godfather’ to kill FP officer, his family"

Possible Curry replacement? He's now available:

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/012609dnspocovenantnu.2781526.html

If we had only two forums, a Sports Forum and an Off Topic forum, we wouldn't have this problem.

Man robs to visit brother in jail
http://www.thetimesherald.com/article/20090128/NEWS01/901280308

http://austriantimes.at/index.php?id=10795

A raccoon has bitten off a pervert's penis as he was trying to rape the animal.

http://www3.signonsandiego.com/stories/2009/jan/27/n97711183027-bn27attack/?zIndex=43942

A robbery trial ended abruptly Monday when a defendant smeared feces on his lawyer and threw it at jurors, authorities said.

Fuckin' Russians.

Fuckin' Russians.

Fuckin' Russians fuckin' raccoons.

Raccoons are now off bukdow's list.

^^ I lul'd

Raccoons are now off bukdow's list.
:cogent:

Clearly, the war on drugs begins at home:
http://heraldnet.com/article/20090129/NEWS01/701299856&news01ad=1#Police.make.bust.in.their.own.bathroom

Police make bust in their own bathroom

How much you wanna bet the girl marries the guy in the end?
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/397830_assault29.html

King County prosecutors filed assault charges Wednesday against a Seattle man accused of attempting to "sacrifice" his live-in girlfriend.

Obviously, this is all the domestic automakers' fault:
http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10549874

I-80 driver had it backward — for 40 miles

Obviously, this is all the domestic automakers' fault:
http://www.omaha.com/index.php?u_page=2798&u_sid=10549874

Zip, you so crazy!

Wolves and cats are NOT related.

^ Only weird to Tahoe.

They were back when I was a kid. I'm that old.

Not that weird I guess but:


By MITCH DUDEK Staff Reporter
No such thing as a free lunch? How about a free breakfast?
Responding to the harsh economy with a huge promotion, Denny’s offered a free “Grand Slam” breakfast to anyone who showed up and asked for it from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. today at all of its restaurants nationwide.
And people lined up out the doors to get it.
“It lifts peoples’ spirits,” Cindy Romo said as she waited to get her free breakfast at a Denny’s on Harlem in Harwood Heights, where the line stretched about 30 yards out the door.
What, the idea of giving people a break in tough times?
No, the bacon. “Bacon lifts my spirits,” said Romo, 42, of Lombard.
Denny’s heavily promoted the giveaway, with ads including a 30-second commercial that aired during the third quarter of the Super Bowl on Sunday. The company said it was hoping to show customers who have been cutting back because of the recession that they could get a quick breakfast that’s a good value at Denny’s.
Value was something Claudette Ledesma could relate to. She said she’s been out of work for three years. She made good use of her time in line in Harwood Heights, handing out her card and talking up her job skills to all who would listen.
“I tried to start a custom scrapbooking business,” said Ledesma, 59, who lives on the North Side in Old Irving Park. “But it didn’t take because of the economy. I’m looking for an HR position. Money is very, very, tight. I’m about to go broke, bankrupt and everything else.”
Dustin Williams was another job-hunter who took time out for the freebie breakfast. He, his wife and eight of her relatives ordered 10 Grand Slams. Williams is looking for work as a youth coordinator. And his wife, who decorates cakes and pastries, was with him after being told not to show up to work today because business is so low.
“I’m looking to do anything at this point,” said Williams, 24, a Northwest Sider who lives in Edison Park. “I haven’t been out to breakfast for months. I’m glad to have it.”
Denny’s, which has 1,500 restaurants nationwide, expected to give away as many as 2 million Grand Slam breakfasts today, spokeswoman Cori Rice said. It sells more than 12.5 million of them a year.
Edsel Vazquez admitted he accounted for not just one, but two, of the freebies, getting one at a Denny’s in Oak Park after first stopping at the one in Harwood Heights.
“It’s eat, eat, sleep, and back to work,” said Vazquez, 35, who loads and unloads packages on the twilight shift for UPS.


Lol @ the guy that went to 2 different Denny's to get 2 free breakfasts.

Aww... how touching:
http://www.toledoblade.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090210/NEWS16/902100374

There's no answer yet for what may have first attracted the deer to the PetSmart building. While it's said that animals can smell fear, what is less known is whether they can sniff out good will and free medical care.

"Of all the places to run into, a pet store that has vets in it," marveled Ms. Urie, adding with a laugh: "If it would have went into a Bass Pro, it would have been a different story."
DEER HUNTING IS GOOD

How sex-ed works in Ohio:

http://dispatch.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2009/02/11/lcteach.html?sid=101

Detroit is such a god-forsaken place that people from Ohio kidnap Detroiters and read the Bible to them -- really!

http://www.toledoblade.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090217/NEWS02/902170363

A 34-year-old man accused of holding a woman captive in his West Toledo apartment for three days and reading Bible passages to her will be arraigned Tuesday in Toledo Municipal Court.

Troy Brisport of 4127 Secor Rd., Apt. 105 was charged with kidnapping and felonious assault, police said. He was being held without bond Monday night in the Lucas County jail.

Toledo police Capt. Ray Carroll said Mr. Brisport, who moved to Toledo in December from Mount Vernon, N.Y., was in Detroit about midnight Wednesday when he saw Shykea Boykin, 22, on the street and picked her up. She told him she didn't have a place to stay.

Ms. Boykin apparently fell asleep on the drive to Toledo and woke up after arriving at Mr. Brisport's Secor Road apartment. She went inside and again fell asleep, the captain said.

While Ms. Boykin was sleeping, Mr. Brisport handcuffed her wrists and ankles and put a gag in her mouth. He then undressed her and put an adult diaper on her, according to court documents.

"She said she didn't have a place to stay and wound up in Toledo. She falls asleep, wakes up, and finds herself in this situation," Captain Carroll said. "This is pretty unusual."

Ms. Boykin was not given any food and Mr. Brisport tried more than once to suffocate her using pillows and a blanket, court documents state.

Captain Carroll said there is no evidence that Ms. Boykin was sexually assaulted or beaten during the three days she was held captive.

Mr. Brisport did, however, read Bible passages to Ms. Boykin.

"It's unusual to hold somebody for that long and not commit a sexual assault, and to restrict them like that, and read Bible verses to them," Captain Carroll said.

The captain said police are unsure of a motive.

Ms. Boykin escaped from the apartment about 1 p.m. Saturday while Mr. Brisport was sleeping.

Police found the handcuffed woman in the apartment parking lot, dressed only in a T-shirt and adult diaper. She was not wearing any shoes.

Ms. Boykin pointed out the apartment where she was held to police, who went inside and arrested Mr. Brisport.

Captain Carroll said police believe this may not be the first time Mr. Brisport has done something like this.

And here's a little gem so the folks on the west side of the state don't feel like they're missing out:

http://www.record-eagle.com/archivesearch/local_story_045192150.html


KALKASKA -- A deputy from the Kalkaska Sheriff's Department is on suspension after he went to a topless bar while on duty.

...

"I talked to the manager, I didn't talk to any dancers ... it's more PR than anything," he said.

Captain Carroll said police believe this may not be the first time Mr. Brisport has done something like this.

That's called religion. I don't see a problem here.

One pill makes you larger...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/4787679/Two-police-officers-given-run-around-by-giant-white-rabbit.html

From the land of Yankee Doodle Road, where MoTown dwells, is the stoplight that would never turn green...


But when he wanted to use the most direct route home, traveling northeast along Excelsior Boulevard through St. Louis Park, he found himself stuck at a stoplight at 38th Street that has a sign saying right turns are allowed only on a green arrow.

Trouble is, at night, the arrow never turned green.

"I would wait and wait and wait, and the arrow wouldn't change," he said. The only time the arrow turns green at night is if a vehicle comes up 38th Street toward Excelsior. But because it's a quiet neighborhood, that rarely happens.
http://www.startribune.com/local/west/40027537.html?elr=KArks:DCiUHc3E7_V_nDaycUiD3aPc:_ Yyc:aULPQL7PQLanchO7DiUr

From the land of Yankee Doodle Road, where MoTown dwells, is the stoplight that would never turn green...


http://www.startribune.com/local/west/40027537.html?elr=KArks:DCiUHc3E7_V_nDaycUiD3aPc:_ Yyc:aULPQL7PQLanchO7DiUr
Huh, so this is MoTown?
http://stmedia.startribune.com/images/2STOPLIGHT0225.jpg
I thought he'd be younger...

A man who tried to mellow out his kitty by stuffing her into a homemade bong comprised of a garden hose and a clear plastic box is facing criminal charges.

Lincoln-area authorities cited 20-year-old Acea Schomaker on suspicion of animal cruelty Sunday morning after catching him smoking marijuana from a contraption with cat inside and a 12-inch by 6-inch base.

Schomaker told Lancaster County sheriff's deputies the 6-month-old female named Shadow had been hyper and that he was trying to calm her.

http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/18836822/detail.html#-

Easily the awesomest thing I've read all day, for two reasons...


FORT PIERCE, FL -- Told McDonald’s was out of Chicken McNuggets after paying for a 10-piece, a local woman called 911...Three times.

"This is an emergency, If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one,” Latreasa L. Goodman later told police. “This is an emergency."

The McNugget meltdown happened last week at a McDonald’s in the 600 block of North U.S. 1 and ended with Goodman, 27, getting a notice to appear on a misuse of 911 charge, according to a recently released police report.

Goodman told investigators she tried to get a refund for the 10-piece McNuggets, but the cashier told her all sales are final.

"I called 911 because I couldn't get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets," Goodman told police.

The cashier told police she offered Goodman, of the 2400 block of South 25th Street, a larger portion of food for the same price to make up for it, but said Goodman got “irate,” the report states.

Goodman reportedly yelled, "I don't want a McDouble and small fry," the cashier told investigators.

Dispatchers for 911 told police Goodman called the emergency number three times and on each occasion was told an officer was en route.

“Goodman maintained the attitude ‘this is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency,’” the report states.

McNuggets, introduced to the McDonald’s national menu in 1983, are sold in more than 100 countries and, unlike the McDouble, are often dunked in barbecue or hot mustard sauce.

Goodman’s 10-piece selection has 460 calories and 29 grams of fat.


Link (http://www.wptv.com/content/tcoast/story/McDonalds-out-of-nuggets-woman-calls-police/AqFDuKVxkEKDMopvIc4LWQ.cspx)

1. It's funny for the obvious reason of calling 911 over 10 nuggets.

2. What the hell was that writer thinking at the end of the article? LOL

Yeah I think the ending of the article is weirder than the actual news. I guess he went the right route, though. When I was reading the story I was wondering to myself, "well is the McDouble more calories than the Nuggets? I wonder how most people eat McNuggets... and do people dip McDoubles?"

Thank God that writer was on the job to answer my questions.

What is a McDouble? They don't have that at my everyday mcdonalds.

What is a McDouble? They don't have that at my everyday mcdonalds.

There's a McDouble, and a double cheeseburger. The McDouble is on the dollar menu, and has one less slice of cheese. They made it because the double cheeseburger was too expensive to keep on the dollar menu, but they had to keep something on there with two grease patties for a buck.

Miss Russian Nuclear Power 2009:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2296554.ece

http://translate.google.com/translate?sourceid=mozclient&u=http%3A//miss2009.nuclear.ru/

^ LOL...I like 1, 6, 7, 8 and 10.

http://www.sltrib.com/News/ci_11853476

Two Bountiful Junior High School teachers are accused of sexually assaulting the same 13-year-old student, after their separate relationships with him spiraled from personal conversations to the exchange of sexual text messages and phone sex, authorities said.

On Friday, the Davis County Attorney's Office filed first-degree felony charges of rape and sodomy on a child against Linda R. Nef, 46, and Valynne Bowers, 39.

Nef, a Utah studies teacher and cheerleading adviser, and Bowers, who teaches math, each confessed to having sex with the student, said Bountiful Police Lt. Randy Pickett. Until recently, the two teachers did not know about each other's relationship with the same boy, Pickett said.

^ Thats fuckin weird

Jennifer told investigating officers that Stephanie "has been talking about trying to impregnate (her) for some time," police said.

According to a report by Pittsfield Police Officer Kipp D. Steinman: "Jennifer said that Stephanie had a 'turkey baster and her brother's semen in a sealed container.' Jennifer said she told Stephanie that she didn't want to get pregnant." The device was actually a large syringe with a catheter tip, police said, and it was still in its original package when officers confiscated the item.

That's allegedly when Stephanie threw Jennifer on the couch, grabbed at her clothes and threatened to impregnate her, police said.
http://www.berkshireeagle.com/ci_11893799?source=most_viewed

Pure awesome!

OCALA - An Ocala man was arrested Sunday afternoon, although he reportedly told Marion County sheriff's deputies the crack cocaine they found in a gum wrapper must have belonged to a prostitute he picked up the night before.

David Gaskins, 38, was charged with cocaine possession, according to a Sheriff's Office report.

Just after 3 p.m. Sunday, deputies pulled Gaskins over on Northeast Jacksonville Road near the Southeastern Livestock Pavillion for having an expired tag on his Dodge pickup. They searched the truck and reportedly found a piece of crack cocaine inside a silver gum wrapper on the passenger side of the truck.

Gaskins said the cocaine might belong to the prositute who performed oral sex on him inside the truck on Saturday night, according to the report. He was taken to the Marion County Jail.
http://www.ocala.com/article/20090316/ARTICLES/903160983/1340/NEWS?Title=Man-arrested-on-drug-possession-charge-blames-prostitute

Officials gathered Tuesday morning where the body of the late Rev. James Hines was exhumed to investigate allegations that the man's legs had been cut to fit him in a casket he pre-ordered when he learned he was sick with cancer.
http://www.aikenstandard.com/Local/0401BodyExhumed

Same old same ol'...

In what is either the weirdest Russian crime story of the year so far or a new low in yellow crime journalism, a female hair stylist in the Kaluga region is suspected of holding an armed robber in captivity as a sex slave for two days after he unsuccessfully tried to knock over her beauty salon.
http://www.themoscowtimes.com/article/1292/42/376242.htm
http://translate.google.com/translate?sourceid=mozclient&u=http%3A//life.ru/news/63330

I read this and thought of that scene from WALL-E where "blue is the new red".

"GR Firm To Digitize Trendy Color Palette For First Time"
http://www.wwj.com/GR-Firm-To-Digitize-Trendy-Color-Palette-For-First/4175123

That's weird

Here's a story about the guy who's really coaching FIU for Isiah:

http://www.miamiherald.com/486/story/1007907.html

Maid charged after adding menstrual blood to employer's food

LINK (http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,25342469-12377,00.html)

Tokyo's Cat Cafes (http://www.weirdasianews.com/2009/04/23/tokyos-cat-cafes-cats-meow/)


Already a city of highly diverse innovation, a new fad in dynamic Tokyo appears to be the cat café, which has captured the hearts of animal lovers. Here, one pays for the privilege of being in the diffident company of some fabulous felines


The Calico and other cat cafés are truly “in” places, the real “cat’s meow,” so to speak. Here, customers seeking human and feline companionship pay to sip tea and stroke one of the 20-odd resident cats, representing 17 different breeds.

Cat cafés fill an important social void in a nation of aging and childless adults. Many patrons would be pet owners, but cannot either because of work obligations or no-pet housing facilities.


It would seem that one hour of communion with a loving fur-ball at the cost of about $9 US dollars, is a bargain that many cannot resist.

I'm pretty sure we have those kinds of places here but they're called strip clubs.

I'm pretty sure we have those kinds of places here but they're called strip clubs.

Correct. :we: call them "Pussy Pubs".

People love pussy.

Sorry if this has been posted somewhere but HOLY SHIT:


http://deadspin.com/5226042/the-one-with-competitive-fanny-coughs-and-belichicks-casual-wear

"When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos."



Sir, Your Nonsense Is Extraordinary And Terrifying

(blows out) this remind me of my friend names Helen van Biscuits. There is mexicaned resterant in my town that have contest. They say whoever make loudest fanny cough will get a year supply of burrito for free. We have known for years that our friend names Helen just love them burritos so qwerts call her up and tell her about the contest. Helen get real excited but there is one problem. she can't make them fanny coughs loud enough. But one thing she do have is a brains.
So she do alotta research. She go to library and get books about intestines. She try eating different food. She try holdin in choclates for weeks. She try stading in diffrent position when making fanny coughs. There is no stones turned. She even have strategy meeitngs with my freind qwerts after work. Qwwerts suggest that maybe he could build tiny microphone that make it sound real loud but she say no. She is very honets and wouldn't feel good about winnin them burritos like that. She was at the end of a road and almost give up when teh break of a lifetime happen. She watching a tv show about archetecture of buildings and they say that sometime if there the right combonation of curves and openings that sounds can become ampflied and things sound real loud. It say they use these technique in some of the most famous auditorium in all of a world.
That night she try all different things that have curves and opening. She lean her fanny on a wall, teh window, she use kitchen items like a whinsk. But nothing work. As last resort she take her fingers and make opening between middle and next finger just like mr sponk (ecept it is alittle curved). She put her hand like that around the ###### and make a cough. Babooms! It is so loud that it set off 3 car alarms on teh street. But maybe she just get lucky? She try one more time and it is even more loud. She look out a window and there is like 6 animal jsut lookin at her. When you fart is loud enough to make a animal curious you know probably gonna win burritos.
So now she is all set. The contest is today at teh retsaraunt and she knows that destiny is in her bowls. She have her technique and pretty soon she gonna eat burrito for free and the world is her oysters. The contest start and the man who own the restaraunt ( it is called la Pringles) take the stage. "Hello to everyones. Today is day of contest and whoever make teh loudest fanny cough win burrito for a year. on behalfs of me and everyone who work at el pringles, welcome and let teh farters begin! Will all contestant please come to stage." It turn out there is only two people in contest. One is Helen van bisquits and the other is some lady names maria pringles (but they say she aint related). Teh owner say "OK, it just you two, who ever is loudest win!"
So Helen go first. She take a few deep breath. She close her eyes so she can really concentrate. Everyone get real quiet (it real packed there). She slowly hold up her hand and seperate her fingers and curve them (an old lady gasp). She turn around slow and take her her fingers and place them around the outside of teh angus. Here we go. She begin and she let out what is probly one of teh loudest noise ever to come out of a body including screams. It sound like part boat horn and part nucleared esplosion. It is breathtaking and it last for almost 20 seconds. When it is done there is total silence esept for one old man who lookin around and pointing to his ears and tellin everyone he think he is now deaf, but people is pretty much ignore him. Eventually helen turn around and one person start clappin, then a few more and soon it is become a standing ovation. "Borava!" one lady scream. another little girl go to teh stage and give helen a bouquet of flower. Helen is touched and a tear come out. Even Maria pringles look impressed. What can she do ecept to tip her hat to one hell of a fanny cough.
So teh claps die down (ecept for that old deaf man but he wife tell him to calm down and they will hearing aid later). So now it is maria turn. Everyone get quiet again and give maria they attention. Maria look around, she bite down real hard and skin on her nose scrunch. She start counting..."one....two....THREE!" She let out her cough and it sound like snores, but it get a little louder and a little louder and then suddenly there is a second noise that going with it and then ....BOOM teh window esplode! People is so confused. Where did that second part of teh cough come from and how did them windows broke? How does she do that? Teh owner of La Pringle take the microphone "We have a winner! It is maria pringles! Her farts is so loud they break them windows and is sound almost like simons and Garf's uncle when it come out. Congratulation to maria and enjoy you burritos!" Maria start jumping up and down and I look at Helen von bicuits and she is devistating. Even people who watching really don't know what happen. They know that helen probably was louder but Maria broke them windows. So if Helen don't break teh windows and maria do, maria must have been louder.
Helen walk down teh stage and she is very upset. She come to us and say that she try her best and we agree. Qwerts say that he was so impressed by what she do and say he now really attracted to her because she is so talent. We agree it best to go home but Helen want to go say thank you to teh owner before she leave. She have so much class that even though she lose she gonna say thank you. Her fanny is real impressive but her character is loudest of all.
So she look around for him and cant find him. She check everywhere and then finally she look through teh door into the kitchen. That is when she see something that change she life forever. She see teh a whole bunch of people dancing around and singing. She see teh owner, he family and Maria pringle is there too. They is throwing people around on chairs like it is jewished wedding. They is all singing and laughing. She hear teh owner say that he so proud of maria pringles and that Maria is a long lost cousin and they rig teh conest so Maria would get them free burritos. It turn out that there were two little boys that threw rocks at teh windows (he give them free taco) when Maria was makin her coughs and teh second, higher pitch noise when Maria was makin her cough was actually teh owner blowing into a special ring he was wearin that make whistles. He time everything just right and with the harmony and teh glass breaking everyone get tricked into believing that Maria was making it all happen but it was all mirage.
Helen is now so mad she burst through the door into the kitchen and everybody who was dancing an laughing stop and look at her. Teh owner say, "Oh, uh, helen, oh, i we sorry that you lose and uh, we..." but helen cut him off. She slowly raise her right and seperate her fingers. Now people are getting real serioused and starting to panic. "No, dont do it helen" maria scream. But helen don't listen. She turn around, put her fingers on teh ######. Me and qwerts have no gone to teh door to watch and helen look over at qwerts and he say to her (real soft) "I love you." and with those words she let out a cough that so loud you cant hear nothin, you could only see teh looks over terror on teh face of teh pringle family. Some bottles of hot sauce start esploding and Maria Pringle get blown against a wall. Some of them beans also esplode and they go into teh owners eyes and I can see him mouthing "i am blind! I blind." She finish and say "you can keep you burritos, from now on I only gonna eat chinesed."
she walk out of teh kitchen and back in the restarant and the people part for her like a red sea. They clappin and pattin her on her shoulders when she walkin by. The old man who went deaf say that teh second farts knock he hearing back and now it is even better than ever. The mayor is there too and he say "I declares today is helen biscuits day." Helen stop and say thank you to everyone and wave. They all wave back but with they fingers a little apart and curve as a sign of respect. Helen tap her heart and show how much that mean to her. She may not have won all them burritos but she won alotta friends and when it is all done and said, burritos go in you and come out but friends stay in you forever.
stu1ds
p and s when i was writin this i think i hear helen make a loud one ...lol hey huerta if you readin this dont tell jimmy **** that i put xlax in teh chuck wagons...lol

tl;dr. -1

Not all that weird, but at least it's short for gee.


Florida teen finds rocks in Nintendo DS box
by Ben Silverman
April 27 2:53 P.M.

Jodi Wykle knew her son would be thrilled when she gave him a new Nintendo DS for his birthday.

Instead, he was rocked.

According to WTSP-TV, the confused teen opened up his gift only to find bunch of stones and a rolled up Chinese newspaper in place of the popular handheld.

Needless to say, mom was equally stunned.

"When he opened it, he was pulling the seal off, my sister-in-law carries a pocket knife and she opened it and that's when he pulled it out and it was Chinese newspaper and a bunch of rocks," she explained.

The troubling discovery prompted the Florida woman to contact the local Wal-Mart where she bought the curious box and complain, but reportedly workers there told her it wasn't their problem and that she should contact Nintendo instead. Of course, Nintendo told her roughly the same thing, leaving mother and son with a $138 box of rocks.

"They don't want to do nothing. They want me to keep the box of rocks. I'm not buying a box of rocks for $138," she said.

Amazingly enough, however, Wal-Mart soon caved after learning that the same box of rocks had been previously returned by another disgruntled customer. How exactly it made it back onto store shelves remains a mystery, but for her troubles, Wykle was given a full refund and a $20 gift card.

It's not the first time Wal-Mart has gotten into hot water for selling a questionable handheld. Earlier this month, a PSP system bought at a different Wal-Mart store in Florida was found to contain a memory stick filled with pornographic images.

Take the rocks and bust out all the windows in that Walmart.

BTW, why do we care about his sister in law's pocket knife? Does that really need to be included? we could have done without the entire bold part:


"When he opened it, he was pulling the seal off, my sister-in-law carries a pocket knife and she opened it and that's when he pulled it out and it was Chinese newspaper and a bunch of rocks," she explained.

Take the rocks and bust out all the windows in that Walmart.

BTW, why do we care about his sister in law's pocket knife? Does that really need to be included? we could have done without the entire bold part:

LOL, the SISTER-in-law caries a pocket knife. White trash biker chick?

Must've been Northern Floriduh.

"They don't want to do nothing. They want me to keep the box of rocks. I'm not buying a box of rocks for $138," she said.

How much would she pay for a box of rocks, then?

It's a local miracle!


Wind-tossed chihuahua found safe; owners credit psychic
Candice Williams and Christine Ferretti / The Detroit News

Waterford Township -- Two days after Tinker Bell, a six-pound chihuahua, blew away in high winds at the Dixieland Flea Market, her owners found her safe and sound about three-quarters of a mile away. The Rochester couple credits a pet psychic for the discovery.

"We were shocked when we found her," said Dorothy Utley, 72, Tinker Bell's mother. "You don't know how happy we were. We love her so much."

More than 50 volunteers helped Utley and her husband, Lavern, search for their dog, who blew away in 70 mph per hour winds Saturday.

After speaking with a pet psychic from Holly, Utley said she and her husband headed to a wooded field on the opposite side of Dixie Highway. There, they found Tinker Bell. The black and brown long-haired dog was very dirty and hungry.

"That dog was so happy," Utley said. "She just went wild. She was so hungry and we had to bathe her."

Market Manager Joe Goldberg said the whole event was phenomenal.

"It seems like (the dog) is her whole life," he said of Utley.
http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2009904270379

HIGH-LARIOUS.

Thats weird

Her HUSBANDS name is Lavern? 2 for 1 weirdness.

DNA testing leads the Germans on a wild goose chase:

http://scienceblogs.com/authority/2009/03/the_phantom_of_heilbronn_and_n.php

DNA testing leads the Germans on a wild goose chase:

http://scienceblogs.com/authority/2009/03/the_phantom_of_heilbronn_and_n.php

Thats, hilarious.

It is good to have a Polish driver's license in Ireland:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/northern_ireland/7899171.stm

Teen who auctioned her virginity for £8,000 may lose half... because prostitutes in Germany are taxed at 50% of earnings (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1185928/Teen-auctioned-virginity-8-000-LOSE-half--prostitutes-Germany-taxed-50-earnings.html)


Tax authorities in Germany are poised to claim 50 per cent of the money that a teenage student earned for 'auctioning' her virginity because they claim it was 'tantamount to prostitution'.

Romanian-born Alina Percea, who is a student in Germany, was paid £8,800 in cash for a weekend of sex with the Italian businessman after she auctioned her virginity online.

But tax officials in Berlin regard the 18-year-old's act as 'nothing more than prostitution'.

Prostitution is legal in Germany - but it is heavily taxed.




It also emerged that, because Alina earned so much in such a short time, she may even be liable for a hefty VAT bill too.

VAT in Germany works out to 19 per cent, meaning the sale of her virginity could land her with just over £3,000 in the end.

'When we have hard figures then we can make an accurate assessment,' said a German inland revenue spokesman.

Alina, who studies in Mannheim, told how a 45-year-old Italian businessman took her virginity with unprotected sex at a luxury Venetian hotel.

'I liked the man and got on with him well. He didn't look 45, and he seemed much younger.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/05/19/article-1180858-050036A2000005DC-35_233x629.jpg

Prostitution is legal in Germany, but taxed. Again, the US is *Pwned by the Euros.

Prostitution is legal in Germany, but taxed. Again, the US is *Pwned by the Euros.

By the sound of it, the gov is going to pwn a majority share of her virginity when all is said and done.

You live by the pussy, you die by the pussy.

What a pisser!

http://www.freep.com/article/20090526/NEWS01/90526036/?imw=Y


Federal officials today charged a contractor for the Internal Revenue Service with repeatedly urinating inside a Detroit IRS building freight elevator, causing a stink for other employees.

If City officials can 'urinate' all over the public, why can't the Feds?

I'm not sure if this one made our esteemed website yet, but here it is:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2172612.ece

http://wtfdetroit.com/forums/showthread.php?p=299074&highlight=raccoon#post299074

A mission from God?

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,522178,00.html?test=latestnews


BELGRADE, Serbia — The Serbian priest running a church-backed drug rehab center was removed by his bishop Wednesday following the publication of videos showing him and members of his staff beating patients with a shovel.

God works in mysterious ways.

Egyptian Cuts Off His Own Penis After He Was Refused Permission To Marry Girl From Lower-Class Family (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/05/31/egyptian-cuts-off-his-own_n_209543.html)


CAIRO — A 25-year-old Egyptian man cut off his own penis to spite his family after he was refused permission to marry a girl from a lower class family, police reported Sunday.

After unsuccessfully petitioning his father for two years to marry the girl, the man heated up a knife and sliced off his reproductive organ, said a police official.

The young man came from a prominent family in the southern Egyptian province of Qena, one of Egypt's poorest and most conservative areas that is also home to the famed ancient Egyptian ruins of Luxor.

The man was rushed to the hospital but doctors were unable to reattach the severed member, the official added citing the police report filed after the incident.

The official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak with the press, added that the man was still recovering in the hospital.

Traditionally, marriages in these conservative part of southern Egypt are between similar social classes and often within the same extended families _ and are rarely for love.

It was either that or be a suicide bomber.

WATCH THE FUCK OUT MOXIE!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31068446/?GT1=43001

That's some fucked-up salsa!

http://www.detnews.com/article/20090604/METRO/906040485/1361/Gibraltar-priest-accused-of-indecent-exposure-gets-probation


Woodhaven -- A priest was sentenced today to nine months probation and ordered to attend a 10-week sex offender class after pleading no contest to a disorderly conduct charge stemming from an indecent exposure allegation.

The Rev. Roger Knapp, 57, pastor of St. Victor Catholic Church in Gibraltar, agreed to the plea deal last month. The city attorney dropped a lewdness charge.

A waitress at a Mexican restaurant in Woodhaven said the priest exposed and fondled himself under a table on March 26. Knapp claimed he was wiping salsa off his pants.

She did not show up at the sentencing to make a statement before 33rd District Judge Michael McNally. Knapp also declined to comment.

Other requirements include undergoing psychiatric evaluation and treatment if necessary, performing 50 hours of community service by Aug. 1 and paying nearly $600 in fines.

A no-contest plea is not an admission of guilt, although is treated as such for sentencing purposes. The misdemeanor charge is punishable by 93 days in jail and/or $5,000 fine.

According to the police report, the waitress had seen the man in the restaurant several times and he would "pursue conversations with her that contained sexual overtones."

Knapp has taken a personal leave of absence from St. Victor's.

31 Ft. Goat Tower" Keeps Animals Fit, Happy (http://www.farmshow.com/issues/33/02/330204.asp)

http://www.farmshow.com/issues/33/02/IMAGES/330204%20.jpg


"Goats love it and people driving by can't believe it," says David Johnson of Findlay, Ill., about his 31-ft. tall, 7-ft. dia. "goat tower" built with the help of the late Jack Cloe, Herrick, Ill. The tower was constructed with 5,000 hand-made bricks, each one a different size and shape. The tower has 276 concrete steps, arranged to form a spiral staircase, that allows Johnson's goats to climb up and down with ease.

Johnson has 34 Saanen milk goats that use the tower. "Goats are the most curious animals in the world so they use the tower a lot. They come and go, passing each other on the ramp as needed."

The tower has six floors made from poured concrete, with three openings on each side. The tower sets on a 10-ft. sq. concrete block set 6 ft. deep in the ground.

Goats love it. 'nuff said.

Bukky loves it. 'nuff said.

Goats love it. 'nuff said.

- :giffman:

Now we know what Tahoe's 3rd crew was for.

No giffman?

He's slipping (or in the tower)

http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Video/090617/tdy_curry_tattoo_090617.300w.jpg

Belgian teen says she requested 3 stars on face — but woke up to find 56
BRUSSELS - A Belgian teenager has told police how she emerged from a tattoo parlor with 56 stars over one side of her face, rather than the three she had asked for, prosecutors said on Tuesday.

"I said this part, the top, is ok, but not the rest," Kimberley Vlaeminck from the city of Kortrijk, 56 miles northwest of Brussels, told Belgian broadcaster VRT.

The 18-year-old said she fell asleep during the procedure, and woke up in pain when her nose was being tattooed.

A spokesman for Kortrijk prosecutors' office said police were investigating after a complaint from the teenager.

The tattoo artist said Vlaeminck had agreed to 56 stars.

"She agreed, but when her father saw it, the trouble started," Belgian newspaper Het Laatste Nieuws quoted the man as saying.

Vlaeminck said she wanted to keep the tattoos on her forehead but would have the rest removed.


I call bullshit....no way you sleep through getting half your face tattooed

Should have gone with the boobs.

The bukkake joke just writes itself... when a sperm whale explodes. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/3437455.stm)

http://www.weirdasianews.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/whalespill.jpg

http://www.weirdasianews.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/whalespill2.jpg


Passers-by and cars were soaked in blood and body parts were sprayed over a road after the bursting of the whale, which was being carried on a trailer.

The whale had died earlier on a beach and had been collected so its remains could be used for educational purposes.

A marine biologist blamed the explosion on pressure from gases building up in the mammal as it began to decompose.

The whale attracted a lot of onlookers both before and after it exploded. Several parked cars and pedestrians got covered in blood when it exploded.

That would be so fucking disgusting... fuckkkk

That chick with the stars on her face is full of shit.

Ain't no fucking way, NONE, ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH the bitch fell asleep getting a tat or 10 on that part of her face.

Do you know how many nerves are in that area? Me neither...

but I bet it's a fucking lot.

She went home, Dad and Mom hit the fucking roof and she conjured up this bullshit story.

Why the fuck does the tat artist do that shit for fun? Do you think they wanna tat stars on your ugly fucking face? They're all commando artists anyway:

Get you in, sit you down, do the job, fuck you off. NEXT!

56 face tats but nothing on the neck? What is wrong with this woman?

56 face tats but nothing on the neck? What is wrong with this woman?


She's got class, unlike you bumpkins.

Not even Walter Sharpe could sleep through that.

Did someone say "goats"?

http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2009/05/mowing-with-goats.html

Did someone say "goats"?

http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2009/05/mowing-with-goats.html


Google cracks me up. Everything that company does on a real-life level is hilarious and awesome. I'd love to work for them.

Google cracks me up. Everything that company does on a real-life level is hilarious and awesome. I'd love to work for them.
It actually does seem like an awesome place to work, if you're in your mid-20s, independently wealthy due to trust fund investments, and use crystal meth. Everyone else who works there is miserable. Lots of unpaid overtime.

http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Video/090617/tdy_curry_tattoo_090617.300w.jpg


I call bullshit....no way you sleep through getting half your face tattooed

http://www.hulu.com/watch/78294/nbc-today-show-teen-sues-for-tattoo-gone-wrong

It actually does seem like an awesome place to work, if you're in your mid-20s, independently wealthy due to trust fund investments, and use crystal meth. Everyone else who works there is miserable. Lots of unpaid overtime.
That doesn't sound like the Google folks I know.
It does sound like AOL in the '90s, though.
Speaking of Google stuff, this is interesting shit:

http://digitaldaily.allthingsd.com/20090603/google-and-the-evolution-of-search-scott-huffman/

It actually does seem like an awesome place to work, if you're in your mid-20s, independently wealthy due to trust fund investments, and use crystal meth. Everyone else who works there is miserable. Lots of unpaid overtime.

Office in Zurich (http://www.popgive.com/2008/03/google-office-in-zurich.html)

Office in Zurich (http://www.popgive.com/2008/03/google-office-in-zurich.html)
They have shit like that in their American offices too. Everyone is way too busy to use any of it. I don't know about Zurich. The European work ethic is...different.

Yeah, I just knew what to Google to find those pics.

My sister-in-law works in Copenhagen for a huge multinational corporation. She says she has had a really hard time getting used to the fact that everyone in the country gets Pentecost off, even though no one believes in God.

And if you want to work on your days off... Err, it's not recommended. And by that, I mean "someone will come and throw your bicycle under a train because they don't want you fucking it up for everyone else."

Tattoo face fesses up, she wanted them all
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/us_world/2009/06/23/2009-06-23_teen_kimberly_vlaminck_with_56_star_tattoos_on_ her_face_admits_she_wanted_them_t.html

Tattoo face fesses up, she wanted them all
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/us_world/2009/06/23/2009-06-23_teen_kimberly_vlaminck_with_56_star_tattoos_on_ her_face_admits_she_wanted_them_t.html

Surprise of the century there...

It actually does seem like an awesome place to work, if you're in your mid-20s, independently wealthy due to trust fund investments, and use crystal meth. Everyone else who works there is miserable. Lots of unpaid overtime.

I only know one guy who works there but he's pretty much the opposite of miserable about working there.

It's their world (http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_8127000/8127519.stm), we're just living in it.


A single mega-colony of ants has colonised much of the world, scientists have discovered.

Argentine ants living in vast numbers across Europe, the US and Japan belong to the same inter-related colony, and will refuse to fight one another.

The colony may be the largest of its type ever known for any insect species, and could rival humans in the scale of its world domination.
What's more, people are unwittingly helping the mega-colony stick together.

Argentine ants (Linepithema humile) were once native to South America. But people have unintentionally introduced the ants to all continents except Antarctica.

These introduced Argentine ants are renowned for forming large colonies, and for becoming a significant pest, attacking native animals and crops.

In Europe, one vast colony of Argentine ants is thought to stretch for 6,000km (3,700 miles) along the Mediterranean coast, while another in the US, known as the "Californian large", extends over 900km (560 miles) along the coast of California. A third huge colony exists on the west coast of Japan.

That's news of the cool in my book. Anyone ever play SimAnts? That game was fun.

This is the kind of stuff that will get the world to unite together to take down the evil ant threat that could threaten humanity. This could be mankind's final hours.

People in Fort Wayne are celebrating today.

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/homepage/20090702_A_third_teen_says_man_tricked_her_into_se x.html


A 15-year-old girl told a jury yesterday that Hector Ayala, 59, a man she once considered family, tricked her into having sex by saying that it would ward off misfortune and help make wishes come true.

The girl is the third to testify at trial that Ayala, who is charged with rape, aggravated sexual assault and several related offenses, fooled her into sex by invoking untold mysticism.

She said that when she was 13, Ayala read her Tarot cards and said that he saw bad luck in her near future. He told her that it could be averted if she allowed him to perform oral sex on her.

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/6420ap_wa_fairy_congress.html


TWISP, Wash. -- In the foothills of the North Cascades, where the veil between dimensions is said to be thinnest, inhabitants of this world gather once a year to coexist with fairies in theirs.

About 250 people came to the Methow Valley June 26 through 28 from as far away as Europe and Hawaii to participate in the ninth annual Fairy and Human Relations Congress, an outdoor festival in a secluded mountain meadow called Skalitude.

A giant crop circle depicting a pinwheel-shaped sun had been cut into the high grass. An open-air tent pavilion stood at the lower end of the meadow. Farther up, white peace banners fluttered in a circular array.

"The purpose of the congress is to encourage communication and cooperation of the fairy realm," said Michael "Skeeter" Pilarski, the event's founder and organizer.

The human world is in crisis and can use all the help it can get, Pilarski said, so why not form alliances with those in other realms?

Just heard about this on the Jason Ellis Show, so I don't have a link.

Apparently, there is/was only one factory in the world that manufactures Slim Jims (the beef snack food). The factory recently had a major explosion, and therefore there hasn't been any Slim Jims produced since.

The company apparently isn't sure when they'll resume making them, IF EVER.

So now, Slim Jim fans are reportedly buying them all up in an attempt to hoard them.

That "we might never make them again" thing sounds like a brilliant marketing move. Wait until they are all bought and then "decide" to start making them again.

I haven't had one in about 10+ years, but if I see one at the store, I might pick one up, just in case.

An amazing variety of items comes up when you search "slim jim" on ebay.

75 Year Old Woman Kills Baby Deer With Shovel (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,530825,00.html)

Gramas gotta watch out.

vPaGQEskSKM

Duck genitals locked in arms race (http://www.cosmosmagazine.com/node/1277)


Female ducks have evolved "maze-like" genitals with many twists, pouches and dead ends, in a bid to prevent rape and retain control of who fathers their offspring – while male ducks have evolved equally convoluted penises to keep up.

Patricia Brennan, an American reproductive biologist at Yale University in Connecticut, found that some ducks and geese have co-evolved elaborate genitals in an "evolutionary arms race" between the sexes.

Ducks, especially mallards, are one of the few species of birds in which males will often rape females, in a violent act which can result in injuries or death by drowning. The females fight back by preventing successful fertilisation, said Brennan. In fact, of the 40 per cent of matings which are a result of forced copulations, only around four per cent are successful.

http://www.cosmosmagazine.com/files/imagecache/news/files/20070503_duckgenitals.jpg


Male (right) and female (left) duck genitals have evolved elaborately convoluted corkscrew shapes.

That's messed up.

I think that's in here already.

I think that's in here already.

Could be. Wouldn't be the first time something I'd seen before came back around and I thought it was new because I've got a bad memory.

That one's worth a second go. Evolving rape penises is insane.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2009/07/16/bush.gay.penguins.kron

This one is for Giffman.

That one's worth a second go. Evolving rape penises is insane.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=secrets-of-the-phallus

19 Arrested In Canary-Fighting Investigation


Police said 150 birds were seized in a canary-fighting investigation in Shelton on Sunday.

Police said canaries and saffron finches were seized and 19 people were arrested at a Ripton Road address.

“There was 100 canaries fighting, and they were betting on them 'til they were dead. It’s absolutely shocking,” said neighbor Marion Sega.

Police said they served a search warrant at the home after receiving a tip that an illegal bird fight involving 150 canaries and finches was scheduled to take place on Sunday.

http://www.wfsb.com/news/20183100/detail.html

Thats weird

FOOL IN THE NEWS!!!!

Shit, dude. Stick to the intranets.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2009/07/29/2009-07-29_south_carolina_man_busted_for_having_sex_with_h orse.html


Unstable? S.C. man on probation for horse sex has sex with same horse again

BY BILL HUTCHINSON
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

Updated Wednesday, July 29th 2009, 4:53 PM

A South Carolina man was busted for having sex with a horse, while on probation for having sex with the same horse.
Rodell Vereen, 50, was arrested Monday night in the throes of bestiality by the filly's shotgun-toting owner, who also has video surveillance of the perverse act.

"When they arrested him before I thought that was the end of it," said Barbara Kenley, who caught Vereen in the middle of his romp in the hay with her 21-year-old horse, Sugar.
Vereen was charged with buggery and tresspassing, and was held on $10,000 bail.

"Hopefully he won't get out," said Kenley, owner of the Lazy B Stables in Conway, S.C. "My goal is to get him away from me and my property."
Vereen was on probation for a buggery conviction stemming from a November 2007 assault on Sugar, a crime that prompted Kenley to wire her stables with surveillance cameras.

Kenley said cameras filmed Vereen having sex with her horse on July 19, but when she showed footage to the cops they told her they couldn't identify the suspect.

She suspected Vereen would not be able to stay away from her horse, so she was ready when he snuck into her barn Monday.
"I wanted to catch him firsthand," she said. "It was just a matter of time before I caught him."

When Kenley pointed a shotgun at Vereen, he claimed to be looking for a bathroom.

"I told him he was full of crap," Kenley said. "He apologized and said he didn't mean to hurt me.

http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2009/07/30/amd_rodell_vereen.jpg

Shouldn't this be in the Barbaro updates thread?

That's already Giffy's schtick. Correct your attribution.

Agreed.

The love that we made to our sweet Barbaro was only figurative in nature.

An oldie but a goodie...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-491210/Help-My-wife-WAS-doting-mother--went-coma-shes-hypersexual.html

Obama elected President

It can't get much weirder than that.

http://www.dispatch.com/wwwexportcontent/sites/dispatch/local_news/stories/2009/08/19/19woodx200.jpg
http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2009/08/19/STUNGUN.ART_ART_08-19-09_A1_DQEQD2T.html?sid=101

Thought of giffman when I saw this headline

Repair shop finds goat in car trunk (http://www.winonadailynews.com/news/local/article_9872aaf0-8f8f-11de-a32a-001cc4c002e0.html)

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/topstories/story/920265.html


A woman accused of keeping three children as her domestic slaves in Monroe has been extradited from Bulgaria to face federal charges.

British national Mercedes Farquharson, 63, was indicted by a federal grand jury in 2006, and arrested in Bulgaria in July.

She appeared before a federal magistrate in Charlotte for the first time on Monday.

According to the indictment, Farquharson persuaded the mother of two of the children to let them live with her by claiming to be a god.

http://www.mlive.com/news/detroit/index.ssf/2009/09/commenters_defend_woman_accuse.html


Waterford Township police say 35-year-old Aimee Louise Sword used the internet to track down a teenage son she gave up for adoption years earlier and had sex with him, but several online commenters have come to her defense.

http://img2.raidpic.com/38l_30a25e00903745ab9e4a.jpg

Roseville burglars ransack home, kill cat (http://www.freep.com/article/20090915/NEWS04/90915022/1001/news)


Roseville Police are looking for burglars who ransacked a home – then killed the family cat by putting it in the washing machine and turning it on.

The break-in on the 32000 block of Beaconsfield happened while the family was away between 5 and 11 p.m., Roseville Deputy Chief James Berlin said today.

The suspects ransacked the home, stealing a variety of valuables before killing the cat.

Anyone with information can call the Roseville Police Department at 586-775-2100.

Round up the usual suspects (http://tf.org/images/covers/tf.org-Beavis-Butt-Head-Do-America-free-2008.jpg).

That sucks. People suck.

^thought the same thing

Hardcore. (http://www.detnews.com/article/20090917/NATION/909170438/1361/Ax-attack-injures-9-students-at-German-high-school)


Ansbach, Germany -- An 18-year-old student armed with an ax and Molotov cocktails attacked his high school in southern Germany on Thursday, wounding nine pupils, police said.

The teenager entered the Carolinum High School in the Bavarian town of Ansbach where he threw two of the explosive devices, but they caused no major fires, said Ansbach Fire Chief Horst Sellter. Police could not confirm media reports that the attacker had lobbed Molotov cocktails into a classroom.

Gun control. Seriously.

Teeth the secret to curing blindness.

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/florida/AP/story/1240371.html

She'd give her eyeteeth to have her man back:
http://images.townnews.com/sanduskyregister.com/content/articles/2009/09/20/front/1619893.jpg
http://www.sanduskyregister.com/articles/2009/09/20/front/1619893.txt

^ She looks like 12 years old or something.

Would he run her over if he went by?

"I honestly feel bad. If I have to stand out here in the rain for him to take me back, I will."
BFD! I'll endure dampness for you! It should read.


"I honestly feel bad. If I have to accept anal sex every day of my life for him to take me back, I will."
I'm just sayin'.

Thinking about it...she might be from Columbus not Sandusky. There's some cheatin mofos there. Sorrydray

WTF TO CHANGE NAME!!!
http://www.jsonline.com/entertainment/62997292.html

Man who admitted flashing 12-year-old girl says he can't go to jail because he's donating kidney to dying dad
http://www.mlive.com/news/detroit/index.ssf/2009/10/man_who_admitted_flashing_12-y.html

http://www.mlive.com/news/detroit/index.ssf/2009/10/man_who_admitted_flashing_12-y.html

Looks like the kind of guy that, if your teenage daughter brought him home, she wouldn't be able to date again til she was moved out.

10-08) 18:49 PDT SAN FRANCISCO -- Seven suspected gang members arrested in San Francisco for allegedly intimidating a courtroom witness were freed Thursday, as prosecutors said they needed more time to decide whether to file charges.








The men had been held for two days stemming from the incident Tuesday during a preliminary hearing for Charles "Cheese" Heard, 25, accused of murdering Richard Barrett in November 2008.
Barrett, 29, was killed outside a Broadway club as he ran from a robber attempting to grab his gem-encrusted pendant of the "Flintstones" character Bamm-Bamm.
The seven men stood up with arms folded just as the prosecution's star witness was asked whether she saw the killer in the courtroom.
Heard's attorney, Eric Safire, says he orchestrated the display as a way to ensure the woman's identification was fair. The seven men in the audience, he said, all had gold grills on their teeth, as did Heard.
The men were arrested as they left the courtroom.
Prosecutors offered no specifics Thursday for why they were not filing charges. They said only that the probe remains "open and active" and that they will make a decision once the investigation is complete.
Brian Buckelew, spokesman for District Attorney Kamala Harris, said his office has asked the state attorney general to determine whether there is a conflict of interest if San Francisco prosecutors pursue charges.
Safire welcomed the men's release. He noted that Superior Court Judge Wallace Douglass, who was presiding over the hearing for Heard, said their display had not amounted to witness intimidation.
"There was nothing illegal about what I attempted to do," Safire said.
At the end of the hearing, Douglass ordered Heard tried for murder.




Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/10/08/MN711A39GM.DTL#ixzz0TPBpyG7q (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/10/08/MN711A39GM.DTL#ixzz0TPBpyG7q)

What? You don't have one?

Saudi Arabia looking for financial aid (http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gyy9tlD4hRjJD2wQ__gxvo_IzYEgD9B6QSRG0) if the world starts consuming less oil. It doesn't get any weirder than this.


BANGKOK — There are plenty of needy countries at the U.N. climate talks in Bangkok that make the case they need financial assistance to adapt to the impacts of global warming. Then there are the Saudis.

Saudi Arabia has led a quiet campaign during these and other negotiations — demanding behind closed doors that oil-producing nations get special financial assistance if a new climate pact calls for substantial reductions in the use of fossil fuels.

That campaign comes despite an International Energy Agency report released this week showing that OPEC revenues would still increase $23 trillion between 2008 and 2030 — a fourfold increase compared to the period from 1985 to 2007 — if countries agree to significantly slash emissions and thereby cut their use of oil. That is the limit most countries agree is needed to avoid the worst impacts of climate change.

The head of the Saudi delegation Mohammad S. Al Sabban dismissed the IEA figures as "biased" and said OPEC's own calculations showed that Saudi Arabia would lose $19 billion a year starting in 2012 under a new climate pact. The region would lose much more, he said.

"We are among the economically vulnerable countries," Al Sabban told The Associated Press on the sidelines of the talks ahead of negotiations in Copenhagen in December for a treaty to replace the Kyoto Protocol, which expires in 2012.

"This is very serious for us," he continued. "We are in the process of diversifying our economy but this will take a long time. We don't have too many resources."

What a mom!

http://law.rightpundits.com/?p=886

Makes ya wonder how many "favors" go unreported....
unfortunately they tacked on a Federal ugly offense to her sentence.

Sweden burns bunnies for heating fuel.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,26212913-23109,00.html

The city of Stockholm shoots thousands of wild rabbits spread across the green spaces of the Swedish capital and sends their bodies to be burned as heating fuel, a practice which has enraged animal rights groups

no shit?

Sweden burns bunnies for heating fuel.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,26212913-23109,00.html

A truly heartwarming story.

It's 'weird worth' also, right?

Sweden burns bunnies for heating fuel.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,26212913-23109,00.html


See, they're smart for staying away from the issues that foreign oil dependancy can bring to a country. Use your own resources, and if that's bunnies, then so be it.

Remind me not to hire this attorney for any sexual harassment lawsuits...

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-lawyers-wanting-sex-23-oct23,0,5064858.story

A Chicago Immigration attorney is facing sanctions after he demanded "sexual interaction with me and my partner" as a job condition from a woman seeking a position as legal assistant at their firm.

After the woman responded to an ad that Samir Chowhan placed in the "Adult Gigs" section of Craigslist, he told her in a follow-up e-mail that she would also need to "perform for us sexually" as "part of the interview process."

Chowhan is accused of lying to the Illinois Attorney Registration & Disciplinary Commission and with conduct that "tends to bring...the legal profession into disrepute," according to a complaint filed Wednesday by the commission, which investigates complaints of attorney misconduct. "It is unclear how the legal profession could be any more disreputable, so this action is utter [expletive deleted] nonsense", said an anonymous source.

Chowhan is also charged with neglect and misrepresentation in two Immigration cases in which he allegedly failed to timely file paperwork. As with most institutions, Chowhan's firm requires prompt TPS reports.

Chowhan first denied he posted the online ad but later admitted it, according to the complaint.

He could not be reached for comment Thursday.

In May, Chowhan posted the ad seeking an "energetic woman" for "general secretarial work, some paralegal work and additional duties for two lawyers." The ad sought a resume, photographs and "a description of your physical features, including measurements and a spread-eagle beaver shot."

A woman, who thought the request unusual but assumed the firm was looking for an attractive secretary, responded the same day and included her measurements and a photo, the complaint said.

Chowhan e-mailed back.

"In addition to the legal work, you would be required to have sexual interaction with me and my partner, sometimes together sometimes separate," the complaint quoted the e-mail as saying. "This part of the job would require sexy dressing and flirtatious interaction with me and my partner, as well as sexual interaction."

The e-mail went on to say that other women had been hired who "have not been able to handle the sexual aspect of the job later. We have to be sure you're comfortable with that aspect, because I don't want you to do anything that you're not comfortable with. So since that time, we've decided that as part of the interview process you'll be required to perform for us sexually."

"When are you available to interview?" the e-mail allegedly read. "I am free to interview today!"

The woman was "frightened" by the e-mail and didn't follow through, according to the complaint. She complained to the commission in June.

A panel will review the charges against Chowhan and can recommend he be disciplined. He might like the discipline.

^I thought all interviews were like that... Looks like I've been taken advantage of.

What's a man to do if he does want a secretary who also performs sexual services? It looks to me like he was clear and up front about everything, yet still gets in trouble. Dumb bitch just shouldn't have answered the ad.

It was in "adult gigs" on Craigslist. WOW --there are a number of ads in the local adult gigs (http://detroit.craigslist.org/adg/) like the one that got the Chicago lawyer in trouble:

http://detroit.craigslist.org/mcb/adg/1434891261.html

Personal Assistant Needed (Oakland County)

Looking to interview women 18+ for a Personal Assistant position.
Part time $500/week. Applicants should be willing to run errands, set up the class room, and any personal physical attention I would need.

http://detroit.craigslist.org/mcb/adg/1434891261.html

sexy secretary wanted (macomb )

sexy secretary needed for partime filling work and know quickbooks, must dress super sexy and know how to take care of the boss ::)

Oh, and I found Wilfredo Ledezma's ad:

http://detroit.craigslist.org/mcb/adg/1437495447.html

Seeking a young white woman to watch the Baseball and Football (Macomb)

Seeking an attractive white woman to watch sports tonight with. $200.00

http://www.mycentraljersey.com/article/20091026/NEWS/910260339/UPDATE++Illinois+man+pleads+guilty+to+stealing++47 0+995+from+Bernards+company


An Illinois man will be sentenced to six years in prison after he pleaded guilty Monday to stealing $470,995.53 from a township company by accepting paychecks for a job he didn't have.

Armatys pleaded guilty to receiving the money in direct deposits from Avaya, a telecommunications firm whose corporate headquarters is in the township, for a job as a senior systems analyst/systems architect that he accepted in September 2002.

Armatys filled out the necessary paperwork with Avaya's human resources department, but he then turned down the job because of the terms of his employment contract with his then current employer, said Somerset County Prosecutor Wayne J. Forrest.

A new computer system at Avaya terminated Armatys from the company's human resources database but failed to remove him from the company's payroll system, Forrest said. Armatys continued receiving a paycheck from the company until February 2007.

To what extent are you obligated to return money because someone else screwed up?

Milton lives!

That is kind of shitty. Sure proper morals and all say you should have let them know, but somebody is sending you money and the law says it's your fault?waits for Tahoe + IL = that's libs for ya

Autistic artist Stephen Wiltshire draws spellbinding 18ft picture of New York from memory... after a 20-minute helicopter ride over city

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1223790/Autistic-artist-draws-18ft-picture-New-York-skyline-memory.html#ixzz0Vii6QbSa

That's insane.

Gang 'killed victims to extract their fat' (http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/nov/20/peru-gang-killing-human-fat)


Peruvian police have arrested a gang which allegedly killed scores of peasants, drained their bodies of fat and sold the liquid abroad as an anti-wrinkle cosmetic.

Three suspects have confessed to killing five people for their fat, said Colonel Jorge Mejia, chief of Peru's anti-kidnapping police, but the number of victims was believed to be much higher and to date back decades.




Mejia, the police chief, said his force received a tip four months ago about a trade in human fat. It infiltrated the gang and arrested Serapio Marcos Veramendi and Enedina Estela at a Lima bus station with a litre of human fat in a soda bottle.

Their testimony led to the arrest of another alleged member, Elmer Segundo Castillejos, 29, who led police to the severed head and supplied grisly details: the gang would sever victims' heads, arms and legs, remove organs and suspend torsos from hooks above candles which warmed the flesh as the fat dripped into tubs below. Castillejos claimed other gangs were engaged in similar killings.

That's fucked up. FUCKED UP.

Hello, Expedia? I need to cancel my vacation plans.

http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2009/10/no-mask-no-problem-suspects-use-permanent-marker.html


How do you spell dumb?

With a permanent black marker, according to the police chief of a small Iowa town where two men allegedly used a marker -- instead of a mask or stocking -- to disguise their faces before trying to break into a home.

"They were being dumb and, combine that with alcohol, and it was the perfect storm," Carroll Police Chief Jeff Cayler told CNN.

His officers were responding to a call about an attempted burglary when they pulled over a car matching the suspects' vehicle.


Inside, they found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker. Police said the caller had described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment last Friday night before driving off.

Matthew McNelly, 23, and Joey Miller, 20, were arrested at gunpoint after officers were told they might be armed. Neither man had a weapon. McNelly and Miller were each charged with attempted second-degree burglary. Both men were released after posting bond.

"We're very skilled investigators and the black faces gave them right away," Cayler joked. "I have to assume the officers were kind of laughing at the time. I've never heard of coloring your face with a permanent marker."

Cayler said police believe one of the alleged burglars targeted the home because he suspected his girlfriend had a relationship with the man who lived there.

"They probably were just not thinking straight and figured we'll go out and scare the guy or whatever," Cayler said.

"I've been chief here almost 25 years, been with the department 28½ years and I've seen a lot of things that make me laugh and weird things but this was probably the best combination of the two -- strangely weird and hilariously funny all at the same time."


http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/w_Iowa320x200.jpg

Man finds out Charles Manson is his father: http://bit.ly/4r3kIF

^BIG SWAMI LOCATED

Would you buy genetics testing from Amway?
I dunno about anyone else, but that just seems weird and wrong.
Of course, I say that about most anything associated with Amway...

http://www.wwj.com/Amway-Gets-Partnership-To-Sell-Genetic-Tests/5555142

That biz is hot here in GR right now, Mxy. If you haven't heard of Sequenom, you should check them out. Pre-natal down's syndrome testing, gender determination testing, cystic fibrosis carrier testing, etc. It's interesting stuff.

But no, I wouldn't touch it from Amway, lol.

If I had heard of here, maybe this would be in the notable death's thread instead:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/americas/12/01/argentina.model.death/index.html?eref=igoogle_cnn

A former miss Argentina (who was a model) felt the need to have elective butt surgery and died?

I wish I'd thought of it first: (http://www.boingboing.net/2009/12/08/airmile-hackers-use.html)


Airmile hackers figured out that they could buy dollar coins (free shipping!) from the US Mint, using credit cards that gave them airmiles for purchases. Then they took the dollar coins straight to the bank and deposited them, paying off the credit card bills before any interest was incurred. The only cost was gas for the bank-runs. The Mint has tried to put a stop to it.

Damn, that's perfect...

Surprised Ledezma didn't get in on this.

His family runs the mint.

Damn. The US mint is about 15 minutes from my house. Even if they did stop the free shipping, what stops me from doing it in person?

^^Do it!!!

Could slam home any rewards that way, really.

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/local/story/1115004.html


It's a good thing Duke student Ken Ilgunas has a strong bladder because his van has no bathroom.

Ilgunas, 26, is living out of a 1994 Ford Econoline to get through his liberal studies graduate program debt-free. Parked in a lot on the edge of campus, he cooks with camping equipment and subsists largely on peanut butter.