http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/12/10/article-1234430-078BBB05000005DC-136_634x402_popup.jpg
"The bizarre spiral looks almost computer-generated in the dark skies over Norway yesterday"
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1234773/The-answer-mystery-Norways-spiral-light-display-Was-failed-Russian-Bulava-missile-test.html

Chemistry student killed by exploding chewing gum (http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20091210/explosive_gum_091210/20091210/?hub=SciTech)

^That's AWESOME.

Remind me never to take a chemistry class in any of the prestigious Ukrainian Schools.

Now THIS is a climate change summit done right...

http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,665182,00.html

Microsoft pirating from China:

http://blog.plurk.com/2009/12/14/microsoft-rips-plurk/

Taekwondo monkeys attack trainer
A troop of performing monkeys instructed in the martial art of taekwondo has taken revenge on their trainer.
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01544/monkey_1544467c.jpg
Lo Wung, 42, got a taste of his own medicine after teaching a group of monkeys some basic taekwondo moves

Lo Wung, 42, taught the monkeys so they could entertain crowds outside a shopping centre in Nshi, in eastern China's Hubei province.
But the money-spinning primates turned the tables on their trainer when he slipped during a show, with one quick-thinking monkey flooring him with a kick to the head.


Hu Luang, 32, a bystander who photographed the incident, said: "I saw one punch him in the eye - he grabbed another by the ear and it responded by grabbing his nose. They were leaping and jumping all over the place. It was better than a Bruce Lee film."
At one point the monkey trainer grabbed a staff to hit the monkeys, only to find himself facing a stick-brandishing monkey that cracked him over the head.
He only managed to get the monkeys under control by tangling them up in the rope that had been used to stop them running off.
Mr Hu said: "He was really furious, he made the monkeys kneel on the ground with their hands tied behind their backs to punish them and make them show remorse for their nasty attack."

http://www.bullshido.net/forums/showthread.php?t=92509

My favorite story EVER!

God damn, I wish someone had recorded that.

Heh... that story reminds me of where I was driving recently with a relative as part of some Christmas shopping. On Dixie Highway by Clarkston, there's a strip mall that has two signs stacked on top of one another, like so:

Karate
Pets

As we drove by, I quipped: "Karate Pets? That must be where the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles train."

Mxy, stop trying to ruin the greatest story ever.

Costa Rica (http://www.welovecostarica.com/public/Golf_In_Costa_Rica__Now_You_Can_Lick_Your_Balls.cf m)

I refuse to let anyone tell me it's hazardous to my health to lick my balls.

LOL@people (http://arstechnica.com/security/news/2010/01/victims-lost-93-billion-to-419-scammers-in-2009.ars?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=rss)

Advance-fee fraud (AFF), also known as 419 scams and Nigerian scams, exploded in 2009, with victims losing more money than ever before. This is according to the latest analysis from Dutch investigation firm Ultrascan—a company that has been monitoring the activities of 419 scammers since 1996—which says that victims lost almost 50 percent more money in 2009 than 2008.

Considering that 419 scams have been well-known since the 1970s, this trend is particularly disturbing. However, Ultrascan says scammers are expanding their operations and shifting their focus to emerging Internet markets, where there's more fresh meat getting online every day.

According to the firm, which analyzed 8,503 cases across 152 countries in 2009, victims lost $9.3 billion in the last year alone, compared to $6.3 billion on 2008. Although the majority of AFF is still organized by people living in Nigeria, it's not always carried out by people there anymore—Ultrascan's 225-page report says that a minimum of 51,761 scammers perpetrated their crimes from 69 other countries with another 250,000 doing so from Nigeria.

A major reason for the growth is that scammers are no longer simply sending their "proposals" to the US and Europe. China, India, South Korea, Vietnam, and other countries are falling prey to 419 scams en masse, it seems, though Ultrascan points out that people in different countries tend to fall for specific variations of the scam. For example, the Chinese tend to fall for lottery or cash-on-delivery scams, while those in India tend to fall for low-end job and student visa scams.

Fraternity assbranding... it's not just for black people anymore.
http://a.abcnews.com/images/WN/abc_fraternity_branding_100128_2_mn.jpg
http://abcnews.go.com/WN/texas-fraternity-brother-branded-family-furious-ritual/story?id=9688654&page=2

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100130/ap_en_ce/us_people_rip_torn_arrested
http://d.yimg.com/a/p/ap/20100130/capt.c864de1ea7e34ee7b61291a883d65a9a.people_rip_t orn_ny120.jpg?x=229&y=345&q=85&sig=ADrqX2hWGREGvyOgBDAKpQ--

SALISBURY, Conn. – Actor Elmore "Rip" Torn has been charged with breaking into a Connecticut bank and carrying a loaded handgun while intoxicated.
State police say the 78-year-old Salisbury resident was arrested Friday night after police found him inside the Litchfield Bancorp with a loaded revolver.
The "Men in Black" actor has been taken into custody and booked on charges including burglary and possession of firearm without a permit. He is being held on $100,000 bond and is scheduled for a Monday appearance in Bantam Superior Court.
Last year, Torn was given probation in a Connecticut drunken driving case and granted permission to enter an alcohol education program. He also has two previous drunken driving arrests in New York.
A spokesman for Torn did not immediately return phone calls Saturday.

WTF??? Is he that bored this late in his life?

Furry harbinger of death. (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7129952/Cat-predicts-50-deaths-in-RI-nursing-home.html)


A cat with an uncanny ability to detect when nursing home patients are about to die has proven itself in around 50 cases by curling up with them in their final hours, according to a new book.


Dr David Dosa, a geriatrician and assistant professor at Brown University, said that five years of records showed Oscar rarely erring, sometimes proving medical staff at the New England nursing home wrong in their predictions over which patients were close to death.


Dr Dosa first publicised Oscar's gift in an article in the New England Journal of Medicine in 2007. Since then, the cat has gone on to double the number of imminent deaths it has sensed and convinced the geriatrician that it is no fluke.

The tortoiseshell and white cat spends its days pacing from room to room, rarely spending any time with patients except those with just hours to live. If kept outside the room of a dying patient, Oscar will scratch on the door trying to get in.

When nurses once placed the cat on the bed of a patient they thought close to death, Oscar "charged out" and went to sit beside someone in another room. The cat's judgement was better than that of the nurses: the second patient died that evening, while the first lived for two more days.

Dr Dosa and other staff are so confident in Oscar's accuracy that they will alert family members when the cat jumps on to a bed and stretches out beside its occupant.

"It's not like he dawdles. He'll slip out for two minutes, grab some kibble and then he's back at the patient's side. It's like he's literally on a vigil," Dr Dosa wrote.

Yeah, I read that article a long time ago. There was some theory to it that made a lot of sense, but I forget exactly what it is... Something about scents...

Is the white cat named Glen?

This letter was sent out to parents of elementary school kids in one of the Phoenix 'burbs:


Dear Parents,

Turn off the TV for once and pay attention.

Regarding math:

The math we do is really easy. If your child is either too lazy or too stupid to finish it in class, I’m sending it home so that you can work with them and judge for yourself whether it is laziness or idiocy that inhibits your child’s progress. We do part of it in class. How on earth they can NOT finish it is beyond me, but please help them with the part that we do NOT do in class. If your child is one of the mediocre few who excels on the homework, please congratulate them with a warm handshake or perhaps a halfhearted high-five, since finishing this homework is the equivalent of a twenty-year-old wanting to be congratulated for knowing how to tie his shoes.

Regarding Field trip lunches:
We have a peanut allergy in our room and a few in second grade in general. Because of this, everyone must eat nut-free foods. We also have a child who is mourning their puppy who got run over last week by a garbage truck, so we ask that no one wear anything resembling puppy fur, or that is red and flat. Further, one of our students has a nervous tick that causes him to slap himself in face several times a minute. In order to help this child not feel conspicuous, we ask that your child imitate a crazed masochist for the length of this field trip.”

http://www.azcentral.com/12news/news/articles/2010/02/02/20100202litchfield-letter-angry-parents-020210-CR.html

From the principal.

Way to not want your job.

"Saudi's Reject Pakistani Diplomat Whose Name Translates to 'Biggest Dick'"

http://salem-news.com/articles/january242010/big_dick.php

If a few have to be sacrificed to save the many from karaoke, then they so be it. (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/07/world/asia/07karaoke.html)


Mr. Gregorio, 63, a witness to countless fistfights and occasional stabbings erupting from disputes over karaoke singing, did not dare choose one beloved classic: Frank Sinatra’s version of “My Way.”

“I used to like ‘My Way,’ but after all the trouble, I stopped singing it,” he said. “You can get killed.”

The authorities do not know exactly how many people have been killed warbling “My Way” in karaoke bars over the years in the Philippines, or how many fatal fights it has fueled. But the news media have recorded at least half a dozen victims in the past decade and includes them in a subcategory of crime dubbed the “My Way Killings.”

The killings have produced urban legends about the song and left Filipinos groping for answers. Are the killings the natural byproduct of the country’s culture of violence, drinking and machismo? Or is there something inherently sinister in the song?

Whatever the reason, many karaoke bars have removed the song from their playbooks. And the country’s many Sinatra lovers, like Mr. Gregorio here in this city in the southernmost Philippines, are practicing self-censorship out of perceived self-preservation.


Awash in more than one million illegal guns, the Philippines has long suffered from all manner of violence, from the political to the private. Wary middle-class patrons gravitate to karaoke clubs with cubicles that isolate them from strangers.

But in karaoke bars where one song costs 5 pesos, or a tenth of a dollar, strangers often rub shoulders, sometimes uneasily. A subset of karaoke bars with G.R.O.’s — short for guest relations officers, a euphemism for female prostitutes — often employ gay men, who are seen as neutral, to defuse the undercurrent of tension among the male patrons. Since the gay men are not considered rivals for the women’s attention — or rivals in singing, which karaoke machines score and rank — they can use humor to forestall macho face-offs among the patrons.

Dr David Dosa, a geriatrician and assistant professor at Brown University, said that five years of records showed Oscar rarely erring, sometimes proving medical staff at the New England nursing home wrong in their predictions over which patients were close to death.

So the nurses are running an office pool?

Glenn: are you in on this?

Is a "Lap Dances For Haiti" event happening near you?

http://toledoblade.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100208/NEWS16/2080342

Talk about a shitty Valentine's Day present...

http://www.albertleatribune.com/news/2010/feb/11/farmer-makes-half-mile-wide-heart-manure/

Sounds like the perfect woman to me. She got tons of shit, literally shit for v-day, and was happy about it.

In far-off London... it's Captain Condom and Wonder Vag!


LONDON, Ont. — Health officials in this southwestern Ontario city hope a new video game, launched Thursday, will get teenagers learning about sex through the eyes of a superhero.

The online game by the Middlesex London Health Unit gets a player to choose a character and answer true-or-false questions about sexual activity.

Players can either be a man wearing a condom on his head named Captain Condom; a virgin named Wonder Vag; a boy named Willy the Kid who believes size doesn't matter or Power Pap, a sexually active gal.

Each character will have to fight the game's super villain, the Sperminator, a muscular man wearing a red wrestling mask with penis arms, by correctly answering a number of questions. If they get an answer wrong, they'll get shot by sperm.

If a question is answered correctly, the character will be able to block the sperm with a condom.

The game also has links to health clinics, videos, contraceptive information, and posters. It will be promoted at some public schools across the region.

The game can be played at www.getitonlondon.com and is recommended for young people aged 15 to 24.
http://www.montrealgazette.com/health/Game+teaches+through+eyes+superhero/2555770/story.html

http://www.healthunit.com/articlesIMG%5CSex-Squad-web-page-home-fin%5B1%5D.jpg

LOL!

played it. aced it.

Ok, which one of you guys did it?

Naked man steals children's books from the Ypsilanti District Library, police say

Ypsilanti police say a library patron took off his clothes and exposed himself to an employee today before fleeing with children's books in hand.

The man hasn't been located by police.

The 58-year-old employee told police she was working in the Ypsilanti District Library in the 200 block of West Michigan Avenue at 10:30 a.m. and assisted a man in making book selections.

She returned to her desk and looked up to see the man step out from behind a bookcase, completely naked, a police press release said. The man "thrust his hips in the direction" of the woman, but didn't make any other movements toward her, the release said. Nonetheless, she was "strangely turned on" by the experience.

The employee went upstairs and called police. By the time officers got there, the man had fled through an emergency exit, taking his clothes and the children's books with him, the release said.

http://www.annarbor.com/news/naked-man-steals-books-from-ypsilanti-district-library-police-say/

when I was at MSU, there was a 'naked and/or masterbating dude in the library' story in the State News almost weekly.

And no, it wasn't me.

What is it about libraries?

A group of my friends and i caught a couple having sex in the thesis and dissertation room at MSU.

Izzo & Lupe?

"God delivered me from evil and placed me in Albion"

http://www.mlive.com/news/jackson/index.ssf/2010/02/man_arrested_after_shooting_up.html

Brazil baby saved from being buried alive dies (http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/L/LT_BRAZIL_NEWBORN_SAVED?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT)

i seen you posted that on there twitter machine

^ OBSESSED

must be. starting to get hit with temporary follows from #teamfollowback

http://articles.boston.com/2011-08-09/news/29868519_1_lobsters-buddhists-fishing-vessel

Fred Flintstone lives in Roseville?

http://www.freep.com/article/20110818/NEWS04/110818019/Man-uses-feet-brake-car-hits-4-vehicles-along-way

GODSMACK Fan Accused Of Tearing Out Another Man's Tracheotomy Tube (http://t.co/pdH3brZ)

the fuck. not even going to click.

The victim noted that his trache was obscured by his beard so the attacker may not have intentionally removed it.

http://www.buzzpics.de/images/6a00d83451.jpg
http://www.loweringthebar.net/2011/12/the-homeland-security-snow-cone-machine.html

Cocoa-Roach?

http://apps.bronxzoo.com/roach/

News of the Gross:

Hulk Hogan sex tape. Enough said.

China’s ban on time travel television shows is back in the spotlight this week.

http://blogs.wsj.com/chinarealtime/2012/03/08/double-suicide-revives-china-time-travel-debate/

The Tide has turned... WTF?

http://www.thedaily.com/page/2012/03/12/031212-news-tide-theft-1-4/

http://www.theweek.co.uk/crime/51287/brazilian-woman-laced-vagina-poison-kill-husband

Poison pussy? Now I'm just waiting for penicular homicide.

Wave of the future?


ALLENTOWN, Pa. (AP) — Talk about streaming media: The Philadelphia Phillies' top minor league affiliate is set to debut what it calls a "urinal gaming system" at its ballpark in Allentown.

The Lehigh Valley IronPigs tapped a British company to install the system in men's restrooms at Coca-Cola Park.

It consists of a video display mounted above each urinal. When a fan approaches, the video console will sense his presence and switch into gaming mode. The guy aims left or right to control the play on the screen.

The team said Tuesday that Coca-Cola Park will be the first sports venue in the world to feature the gaming system. It'll be ready by opening day next week.

IronPigs General Manager Kurt Landes says he didn't want to flush away a golden opportunity to entertain fans. He says the games are "sure to make a huge splash."
http://news.yahoo.com/ballpark-debut-urinal-gaming-system-pa-214737815.html

I felt the same way when Lasher was misspelled:

http://www.statesmanjournal.com/article/20130529/UPDATE/130529028/Man-threatens-to-blow-up-state-building-over-misspelled-sign?nclick_check=1


A man brought a pressure cooker he claimed was a bomb into the Teacher Standards and Practices Commission office and told employees he tried to blow up their sign because it was misspelled on Wednesday morning.

How much ya wanna bet that this guy is an Ohio State fan?

http://www.freep.com/article/20130624/NEWS05/306240113/Man-rips-off-part-of-his-penis-cops-say-the-drugs-made-him-do-it


A 41-year-old Columbus, Ohio, man is recovering after, police said, he ripped off part of his penis during a drug-fueled high in Ypsilanti Township.

http://cbssanfran.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/drone_sign_071813.jpg
http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2013/07/19/fake-signs-warn-of-drones-patrolling-bay-area-highways/

This brings a whole new meaning to Jughead:

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/archie-boss-calls-male-employees-penis-article-1.1534462


EXCLUSIVE: Archie Comics co-CEO accused of gender discrimination by male employees
Nancy Silberkleit is accused by her male employees of gender discrimination such as referring to them as 'penis' instead of by name, but Silberkleit contends that the case should be tossed out because white males are not 'a protected class'.

Death by wedgie?

http://www.freep.com/article/20140109/NEWS07/301090055/


A 33-year-old man in Oklahoma allegedly killed his stepfather after a fight over the holidays by yanking underwear up the stepfather’s back and over his head so that the waistband was around his neck, authorities said.

I feel left out wearing New Balance shoes!


Pimp sues Nike for not labeling shoes 'dangerous'


http://www.freep.com/article/20140111/NEWS07/301110092/Pimp-sues-Nike-for-not-labeling-shoes-dangerous-

I like this kid!

http://www.freep.com/article/20140120/NEWS06/301200022/graduation-cap-selling-sponsors-university-of-michigan-flint


“It’s scary to think I’m about to go out into this economy and try to find a job and have all this debt I’ll have to start paying,” said Benda, 22, of St. Clair. “I started thinking, ‘Do I have anything available I could sell?’ ”

He found something — the space on top of his graduation cap. Long used as an expression of thanks, school pride, or crazy artwork, Benda hopes to cash in on the 10-inch by 10-inch hat by selling the squares on top to anyone who will buy them.

Clearly, the Smarties Candy Company leaked this so they could jack up their prices! Fuckers!

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/middle-schoolers-snorting-smarties-candy-droves-article-1.1585876


Kids warned after rash of middle schoolers crush up, snort Smarties candy

Feuding superheroes in Michigan?

http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20140206/METRO06/302060033#ixzz2sd1aBWDV


East Jordan— Petoskey Batman and Bee Sting were as thick as thieves, getting baptized together in the Jordan River — in northern Michigan.

Now they’re archenemies.

The two men, part of a Michigan group that fights crime while dressed as superheroes, accuse each other of all manner of villainy.

It includes purported death threats and allegations of welfare fraud, probation violations and misuse of money from a fundraiser for the homeless.

Holy dirty laundry, Batman!

Their spat over leadership of the Michigan Protectors has split the dozen-member group into two parts.

“He is an abusive, neglectful, thieving, boastful, cowardly crook,” said Mark Williams, alias Petoskey Batman. “He belongs in jail and I will see him there.”

Adam Besso, aka Bee Sting, said Williams is obsessed.

“He has to tear others down to feel better about himself,” Besso said. “He’s like Lord of the Flies with a slightly better version of dirt bags.”

Where's Pharaoh when you need him?

http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1698470.1393097758!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_635/diamond23n-3-web.jpg

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/man-charged-swallowing-diamond-cops-watching-movements-article-1.1698472

Wait, wtf??

http://gma.yahoo.com/talking-dog-device-ready-hit-market-soon-163302793--abc-news-topstories.html

Wait, wtf??

http://gma.yahoo.com/talking-dog-device-ready-hit-market-soon-163302793--abc-news-topstories.html
Until the device can say "stupid humans", it won't really reflect dogs.

Thank you for advertising that you are high-maintenance, Rachel:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/n-judge-denies-teen-request-funds-suit-parents-article-1.1710802


Rachel Canning, 18, won't get $650 weekly child support or payment of her private high school tuition from estranged parents Sean and Elizabeth Canning, a judge decided Tuesday. Canning claims that her father was "inappropriately affectionate" and forced his daughter to binge drink with him. His mother, meanwhile, repeatedly called her "fat" and "porky," which caused Canning to develop bulimia. But a second hearing on the suit is scheduled for next month, and the Morris Catholic High School senior could still force her parents to pay up her impending college costs.

150 lb. weight loss surgery -- takes a lot of balls to go through this


In the end, the grueling surgery, which featured three surgical teams, removed an 80-pound scrotal growth from Burlington’s Dan Maurer and another 40 pounds of fat from the stomach area.

“By the time he leaves the hospital, I’m guessing he’ll weigh 150 pounds less than when he went in,” said Connie, who flew out to California the day after Dan and his wife, Melita, arrived Aug. 25. Both have rarely left his side since.
http://www.freep.com/article/20140905/NEWS06/309050121/Michigan-man-recovers-after-surgery-80-lb-scrotal-growth

If I had 51 live reptiles, the first thing I'd think to do with them is stuff them down my pants! Yessir...


The Detroit Zoo is now caring for more than 1,000 turtles seized during an investigation of a man busted at the Detroit-Windsor tunnel with 51 live reptiles in his pants.
http://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/local/metro-detroit/2014/10/03/seized-turtles-detroit-zoo/16644267/

Robot hotel in Japan... where else?

http://thenextdigit.com/24140/japan-opens-door-worlds-robot-staffed-hotel/


In a first-of-its-kind, Japan has opened the world’s first automated, robot-staffed hotel. People have been replaced with life-like humanoid lady receptionists and bow-tie wearing dinosaur concierge.

So, THAT's why those dudes wore the bras on their heads!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/wires/afp/article-3447352/Australia-seizes-meth-filled-bra-inserts-major-drugs-bust.html


Australia police seize meth-filled bras in record drugs bust

John McAfee enters the FBI vs. Apple battle:

http://www.businessinsider.com/john-mcafee-ill-decrypt-san-bernardino-phone-for-free-2016-2


With all due respect to Tim Cook and Apple, I work with a team of the best hackers on the planet. These hackers attend Defcon in Las Vegas, and they are legends in their local hacking groups, such as HackMiami. They are all prodigies, with talents that defy normal human comprehension. About 75% are social engineers. The remainder are hardcore coders. I would eat my shoe on the Neil Cavuto show if we could not break the encryption on the San Bernardino phone. This is a pure and simple fact.

And why do the best hackers on the planet not work for the FBI? Because the FBI will not hire anyone with a 24-inch purple mohawk, 10-gauge ear piercings, and a tattooed face who demands to smoke weed while working and won't work for less than a half-million dollars a year. But you bet your ass that the Chinese and Russians are hiring similar people with similar demands and have been for many years. It's why we are decades behind in the cyber race.

I don't think Apple should give the Gov't the code. The Gov't should give the phone to Apple and let them do their thing and give back to the Gov't.

Apple doesn't have a specific way to break in that anyone is aware of.
They probably could if with a lot of time/research, because it's a relatively old phone with known bugs.
The court order is for Apple to spend a lot of resources to create a specific way to break in.

http://www.mlive.com/news/kalamazoo/index.ssf/2016/03/arsonist_who_wanted_to_eradica.html#incart_most-read_pistons_article

Some nice trolling in the comments

Your side of the state is getting rough Gla.

I'm sure this is what DC had in mind...

http://movieweb.com/batman-v-superman-couple-arrested-having-sex-manchester/

https://www.yahoo.com/news/can-a-talking-parrot-be-a-murder-witness-173622295.html?nhp=1

http://www.freep.com/story/sports/nba/pistons/2016/11/21/dennis-rodman-charged-with-hit-and-run-for-freeway-crash-in-california/94256186/


ANTA ANA, Calif. — Former NBA star Dennis Rodman has been charged with hit-and-run for a wrong-way-related crash on a Southern California freeway.

Orange County prosecutors filed misdemeanor charges against Rodman on Monday for a July 20 accident on Interstate 5 in Santa Ana.

Prosecutors say Rodman's SUV was traveling north in a southbound carpool lane around 12:30 a.m., forcing a sedan to swerve into a dividing wall to avoid a collision.

Rodman's attorney, Paul Meyer, says the incident occurred on a poorly signed exit ramp. He says Rodman corrected the driving error without the cars touching, stopped and spoke to people in the other car.

Rodman's also charged with driving across a dividing section and without a valid license, and giving police false information.

He could face two years in county jail if convicted.

My first thought when I read this was that he had a fake driver's license, because no one would recognize him as being Dennis Rodman.

Then I thought of this scene from Mr. Mom:

I7ixBvVQHC0

Have you married your laptop lately?

https://www.theregister.co.uk/2017/06/02/man_attempts_to_marry_laptop/


This is Sevier's third bite at the Apple, so to speak – or fourth if you count his 2015 lawsuit against Apple for his porn addiction. He filed an initial complaint seeking to marry his laptop in February, 2016, which he dropped June, 2016 following Utah's motion to dismiss. He filed a second complaint the following month, and after being told by the court that the complaint failed to follow procedural rules, he filed a third version in May, 2017.

I had no idea that consecrated virgins were still a thing!

http://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/2017/06/29/brides-christ-jesus-virginity-consecration/432771001/


Three women from metro Detroit were the first to become consecrated virgins in the Archdiocese of Detroit. The little-known vocation involves a commitment to lifelong chastity.

Laurie Malashanko of Plymouth, Karen Ervin of Northville and Theresa Jordan of Dearborn Heights are now, in the words of Catholic canon law, "mystically betrothed to Christ."

Unlike nuns, they are not part of a religious order. They will continue to work regular jobs and financially support themselves, while being steadfastly dedicated to serving the church.

Shop at Dick's and you, too, can be hung like a golf club:

https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/livonia/2018/04/18/stolen-golf-clubs-dick-sporting/526059002/


A man reportedly walked out of a Livonia sporting goods store Friday afternoon with a $500 golf club in his pants.

The incident occurred at Dick's Sporting Goods on Middlebelt, south of Schoolcraft Road, a Livonia Police Department report said.

This is truly what HD surveillance cameras were made for:

https://abc7.com/video-prowler-spends-3-hours-licking-doorbell-at-ca-home/5033951/


SALINAS, Cali. --Police are trying to track down a man who spent three hours licking a doorbell at a California home.

The security cameras also caught Arroyo moving an extension cord to the front yard and relieving himself.

All downhill for Carlos since that Olympic showing. This just shows what Gla hate will do to the weak willed.

Sex doll brothel in Southfield? Or anywhere?

https://www.freep.com/story/money/business/2019/02/07/sex-doll-brothels-southfield-michigan/2803344002/


Siver said he anticipates that the council will draft an ordinance in coming months to outright ban sex doll brothels. Every resident who has contacted his office so far has expressed a negative opinion about them, he said.

“I haven’t had anybody call me and say ‘I hope the council votes for this,'" Siver said.

Sounds like something "Vince" would be interested in.

Fix your heart AND get a boner -- if you're a sheep?!

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/05/190501114629.htm


A drug used to treat erectile dysfunction has been found to slow or even reverse the progression of heart failure in sheep.

There's a giffman joke to be made here

There's a giffman joke to be made here
For sure, meant to do it before.

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=12234861


A woman in Hong Kong claims she temporarily lost 10 years' worth of memories after straining too hard in the bathroom during a bout of constipation.

Hahaha, poop!

Elon Musk continues testing his Iron Man armor:

https://www.cnn.com/2020/10/14/us/jetpack-guy-back-lax-trnd/index.html


A man flying in a jetpack has been spotted again in the skies over Los Angeles

Just found out Blake's secret to attracting the ladies -- it's not just "fake it 'till you Blake it":

https://www.wired.com/story/lora-dicarlo-ose-sex-toy-industry/

Posted this as sort of a joke in a joke thread about Blake's love life on RealGM.
They locked the thread with "inappropriate post".
Fuck them. It even has Blake's name in it.

Warren police search for man who pooped in unlocked cars at auto shops
https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/macomb/2021/02/13/serial-pooper-warren-auto-shop/4473316001/

Cocaine submarine!

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9430989/Michigan-CEO-died-two-years-ago-allegedly-lived-double-life-financier-drug-ring.html

Tickle-me Elmo?!

https://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/local/oakland-county/2021/04/07/home-inspector-video-pleasuring-himself-elmo-doll-sesame-street-rochester-hills-michigan/7128441002/


Just when I think I have seen it all, someone steps up and surprises me with a new level of disturbing actions.

She Gets Paid Just to Humiliate Her Fans

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/10/style/findom-kink.html

Japanese man arrested for being world's greatest juggler

https://news.yahoo.com/japan-man-arrested-dating-35-152935505.html

BUTTFUCKER 3000!!!

https://m.metrotimes.com/news-hits/archives/2021/05/12/michigan-judge-boots-man-with-buttfucker-3000-as-screenname-from-zoom-hearing

Oklahoma Shitty Fan

https://www.wkrn.com/news/man-allegedly-defecates-in-grocery-store-freezer-woman-accidentally-puts-hand-in-it-while-reaching-for-pizza-rolls/

https://i.postimg.cc/k4c1J6sR/image.jpg

https://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/crime/os-ne-brevard-deputy-held-naked-gunpoint-robbery-20220107-2e2pkrw4yjcg7g2xp3mlkpay6m-story.html

IBMPIBWAKHWGT


Man who got pig heart stabbed a man 7 times


https://www.yahoo.com/news/once-stabbed-man-seven-times-155320516.html

This is old news but new to me.

?Now listen to me,? he said. ?Stop thinking in your head that you have a big box no man can love because it won?t give his penis the necessary friction.?
https://lithub.com/i-cant-stop-thinking-about-this-bizarre-forgotten-chapter-from-the-middle-of-the-godfather/

Is this the stock photo you expect to see with this headline?
https://i.postimg.cc/rF8gVJRY/image.jpg

Child marriage rules in many U.S. states violate rape laws, study reveals
https://www.studyfinds.org/child-marriage-us-rape-laws/

China Says It May Have Detected Signals From Alien Civilizations

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-06-15/china-says-it-may-have-detected-signals-from-alien-civilizations?sref=1kJVNqnU

Anal beads? Someone here is a sore winner.

https://www.avclub.com/hans-niemann-anal-beads-chess-grandmaster-cam-site-1849545231

Dildo? Someone here is a sore winner.

https://www.vice.com/en/article/epzabm/amazon-driver-fired-for-posting-photo-of-customers-dildo-to-reddit

I feel violated. The last time I was interviewed by a reporter, there was no condom involved!

https://www.newsweek.com/fact-check-reporter-kyla-galer-use-condom-protect-mic-hurricane-ian-florida-1747507

SxsR2XOglFs

Heroic bees?

https://buzz-feed.news/russian-booby-trap-installed-in-ukrainian-beehive-was-defused-by-bees/

hib4n9RmFrQ
https://www.theregister.com/2022/11/02/china_vr_plan_odor_simulation/

Wolves in parts of the Netherlands can be shot with paintballs in a bid to make them less tame
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-63499054

Deer Creek School District faces criticism after students licked toes during a fundraiser (https://okcfox.com/news/local/deer-creek-school-district-faces-criticism-after-students-licked-toes-during-a-fundraiser-toe-licking-sucking-reaction-state-superintendent-ryan-walters-wonderful-week-of-fundraising-oklahoma)

Wokeness is destroying our schools. Kids can't even lick toes anymore.

Deer Creek School District faces criticism after students licked toes during a fundraiser (https://okcfox.com/news/local/deer-creek-school-district-faces-criticism-after-students-licked-toes-during-a-fundraiser-toe-licking-sucking-reaction-state-superintendent-ryan-walters-wonderful-week-of-fundraising-oklahoma)

Wokeness is destroying our schools. Kids can't even lick toes anymore.

Foot fetishists of the world -- untie!?

iswydt

It's me.

A Detroit man has been arrested after falling asleep while cranking his hog at a showing of LOVE LIES BLEEDING (https://twitter.com/LightsCameraPod/status/1768690087980630276)

It's me.

A Detroit man has been arrested after falling asleep while cranking his hog at a showing of LOVE LIES BLEEDING (https://twitter.com/LightsCameraPod/status/1768690087980630276)

Thanks for the great movie review. Sounds like he should stick with The L Word at home.

The A-Team's Hannibal is buried in Dearborn -- shit!

https://www.audacy.com/wwjnewsradio/news/local/dearborn-police-investigating-serial-pooper-at-cemetery

Drew Carey's still trying to catch up to Bob Barker

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/drew-carey-first-phish-concert-sphere-las-vegas-1235009962/

Teacher whose fiance? looks like a 5th grader gets off on other 5th grader. Sheesh.
https://i.postimg.cc/YqPwPN2M/image.webp
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/us-news/teacher-arrested-making-out-boy-32738437

This explains so much about Germany!


Authorities say beating women is not a part of the festival anymore

https://www.dw.com/en/german-island-to-end-ritual-of-spanking-women-with-cow-horn/a-70940053

Big News!


?It hurt my feelings,? said the rapper, who revealed she weighs nearly 489 lbs.
https://www.boredpanda.com/plus-size-woman-sues-lyft-after-driver-says-shes-too-big-for-his-car/

https://i.postimg.cc/Rh9pshNF/image.jpg

The title says it all, really.


A Defense of Weird Research

https://asteriskmag.com/issues/09/a-defense-of-weird-research

https://www.badnewspaper.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/02/onionrings.jpg