Zip and the Kids: Life Lessons From Zip Goshboots

[Zekyl]

For all of us guys that just don't quite understand a lot of things in life, this is the place to find their true meanings. Toss your questions out there and let the learning begin with the great Zip Goshboots.


Let's start this off:

What happens when the hot, popular girl from high school gets old and fat? Is it ok for me to feel joy when I find out I'm now out of her league when she wouldn't give me a chance back in the day?

[WTFchris]

Depends on her additude back then.

If she was hot, popular and nice to everyone...you can't feel good about her being fat and old.

If she wouldn't give you the time of day back then...you can feel that way.

[Hermy]

Fuck her fat ass anyway. Some of your old buddies may not have seen her yet and you can brag about taggin her.

[WTFchris]

Fuck her fat ass anyway. Some of your old buddies may not have seen her yet and you can brag about taggin her.

So how would you tell the story to your buddies?

"Guess who I ran into the other day, with my dick..."

Something like that?

[Zip Goshboots]

Zekyl:
You NEVER give her one second of time or thought. Don't let someone else control your emotions. So fucking what if she didn;t give you the "time of day"? She didn;t know you were going to become Zekyl the Great someday. All she was thinking about was finding a husband in the form of the Quarterback who had a sure fire future in the NFL. He didn't make it, of course. Instead, he's the swing shift manager at Taco Bell because he got her pregnant on prom night and had to quit school. Also, she wouldn;t let him play football anyway, because she probably bitched at him constantly over all the chicks he was flirting with.
See what you missed out on?
Girlfriends in high school are like pimples: Inevitable, but you can pop them and have puss all over your face.
Also, one last bit of advice: It is almost inevitable that everyone you went to high school with will get old and fat.

[Uncle Mxy]

I could barely remember who most of the hot girls in high school were to give a flying fuck. If they weren't particularly attractive today, I'd probably have to go out of my way to say "hey, that's so-and-so".

The closest experience I've had is with a girlfriend who was semi-attractive who subsequently got fat. She was a psycho hose-bitch I dumped long ago, because she wanted to have tons of babies after a couple months dating and I didn't. When I heard that she plopped out five kids with some dude and doubled in size, I just kinda laughed.

[Zekyl]

How many times can you change majors before its considered "just dicking around"?

[Zip Goshboots]

Zekyl:
As I ponder this very important question, I must tell you that today I purchased some Bose headphones from La Boutique de Target. This might be the best purchase I have ever made, and that is saying something. About six years ago, I bought a 1984 Cavalier station wagon for $400.00, and drove that thing for two years without even changing the oil.
Presentl, I am enjoying these new headphones by listening to a Frank Sinatra CD that anyone who considers themselves some sort of "music guy" should have: Sinatra Reprise: The Very Good Years.
Has there been anyone as capable at the microphone as Ol' Blue Eyes? I think not.
But back to your question: You can change majors 54 times before it is considered "dicking around". And, once someone considers it "dicking around", who gives a fuck what they think?
It's your life, man. As long as you don;t bring anyone into your life boat, you can paddle anywhere you want that fucker to go.
You better get a grip and realize just how powerful you are right now, Zekyl. You are young, hopefully not debt laden, and you are single, without any kids. Life for you is a compass needle that you control.
Major in Art today, psychology tomorrow, and pre med the day after. Doesn't matter. You'll get it together one day, as long as you don't force it. Let life come to you a little bit while you're young.
And if you own any rap or hip hop shit, throw it in the trash and go out right now and purchase some Sinatra. The music flows, is lovely. No anger, but plenty of attitude.
One last thing boy: Don;t ever let anyone tell you anything different than this: He who has the cock and balls rules the world. The only way the pussy controls anything is when you let it.

[Zekyl]

Unlike anyone else I know, I own more Sinatra than rap. I understand good music, no worries.

[Zip Goshboots]

Well, then you are on your way.