• Actual quote from my mom last week: "What about that Wayne Dwayne?"
• Here's all you need to know about Dirk Nowitzki in the Finals -- after Game 5, he even fell out of the 42 Club. He's currently sitting at 41.4. That's Karl Malone territory. And that's not a compliment.
Need the home team to win a big game? Bennett Salvatore to the rescue.
• Lost in the hullabaloo about the cheap foul at the end of OT and Josh Howard's phantom timeout ... what about Wade sticking those two free throws to tie/win the game? When was the last NBA Finals game where someone made the tying/winning free throws with under two seconds left? And how many guys in the league would you have completely trusted to make both of those? My list looks like this: Kobe, Nowitzki, Wade, Nash. That's it.
• You might remember my sitting/standing rules from the last mailbag. Well, here's an addendum for everyone in Miami that I thought was self-explanatory but obviously needs to be rehashed: If it's Game 5 of the NBA Finals, there's three minutes or less remaining in a close game and you're attending said game, here are the acceptable excuses for not standing:
Excuse No. 1: You're in a wheelchair.
Excuse No. 2: You're foreign and this is your first NBA game.
Excuse No. 3: Your little kid is sleeping on your lap.
Excuse No. 4: You're so overweight you have trouble getting up and down.
Excuse No. 5: You're an overweight foreign parent in a wheelchair with a little kid sleeping on your lap.
• I hate to bring everything back to the Red Sox. All right, that's a lie. But after Miami improbably pulled out Game 3, I found myself wondering if Shaq hitting those two free throws (down by five, 1:43 to play) had a chance to turn into the Dave Roberts' Steal of NBA moments. Even though Wade had pulled them closer and the refs were obviously favoring Miami down the stretch, sending Shaq to the foul line was a moral victory for Dallas, almost like getting a defensive stop.
So what happened? He made both. For the first time, the overmatched Miami crowd was totally into it, the Heat had a little rejuvenation, Dallas looked like they were on their heels and, for the first time, it seemed entirely possible that Miami could win the game. And that opened the floodgates for everything that ensued: Haslem's key steal, GP's shot-clock-beating jumper, Nowitzki's stunning missed free throw, and then Dallas' unconscionable decision to call for a halfcourt lob on the final play (seriously, with Nowitzki inbounding, was there any doubt that play was coming?), which ended up being a worse decision than Steve Levy's agent convincing him to appear in "The Ringer."
Remember, the Sox didn't win the game when the Roberts steal happened, just like Miami didn't win when Shaq made those free throws. But they needed a borderline miracle to change the momentum of the game and the series, followed by a bunch of mini-miracles, and suddenly the series felt completely different. Dallas looked shellshocked for most of Game 4 -- a little worn-out, a little frustrated, ready to self-destruct -- culminating in Stackhouse's stupid foul against Shaq which ended up hurting them in Game 5 (more on this in a second). Now they're up 3-2 and headed back to Dallas with a chance to clinch the title. Does any of this happen if Shaq misses those free throws? I say no.
• That reminds me, here's an interesting question from California reader Brian Ackerman: "After watching Shaq miss more free throws, I can't help but ask: Is there another situation in sports where a seventh-grade girl can be more proficient in a key part of the sport than one of the most dominant professional players of all time? I can't make the question any more basic. There are literally hundreds of 12-year-old girls who can shoot free throws better than him. That fact alone must beg the even deeper question: Can NBA basketball really be a sport, given the above-mentioned situation?"
I will say this: The crazy thing about Shaq's free-throw shooting is that, fundamentally, he's always been completely wrong. Shaq shoots his free throws like line drives. Well, that makes no sense. Imagine you're trying to throw a rolled-up piece of paper into a garbage can -- instinctively, would you throw it with a Nowitzki-like arc, or would you whip it in a straight line at the can? You'd throw it with the arc. Everyone would. So why would Shaq continue to whip straight line drives at the rim for 14 consecutive years? Have we ever definitively answered this question?
• I also agreed with the e-mail from New York reader Justin Sanders: "How much would you pay to go back in time to the '80s when TV producers KNEW how to run an opening montage to a NBA Finals game??? Since when did past stars making moves on a blue screen seem like a better idea than taking a motivating song, some real footage from the past season or past matchups and an announcer talking over it??? It's a simple formula yet somehow the networks CONTINUE to mess this up! What's next? Maybe next year ABC can reenact the Finals with virtual players and just ruin the entire series."
Couldn't agree more. On Friday afternoon, Game 6 of the 1988 Finals came on Classic with the CBS music/montage and Musberger doing the whole "The Los Angeles Lakers have their backs to the wall" routine ... it couldn't have been more fantastic. I loved it. This isn't rocket science, just a simple recipe of cool music, a discernable story line, sequential clips, an announcer with a cool voice, then everything cresting at the end. And the networks haven't gotten it right for nearly 20 years. You figure it out.
• Back to that halfcourt lob at the end of Game 3 -- I can remember that play working only two times. The first one happened during the season when M.L. Carr and the Celtics were tanking to get Tim Duncan (sigh). Down by one in overtime with something like 0.3 seconds to play, the Pistons called a perfect play where Grant Hill lobbed an inbounds pass to Lindsey Hunter (who looked like he was setting a back pick, then quickly shifted direction and jumped toward the rim) for the winning layup. Not only did I see this in person, but I was on a date with a girl who didn't know anything about sports and started gathering her things at halftime because she thought the game had ended. Now that's a memorable night.
Second, the '93 Celtics nearly saved their season in Charlotte (Game 4, first round) when Kevin McHale lobbed a halfcourt alley-oop to Dee Brown, who jumped over everyone, caught the ball in mid-air and laid it down to the basket ... where it was promptly goaltended by Kendall Gill, only the refs didn't have the guts to call goaltending because the game was in Charlotte and everyone immediately charged the court as soon as Brown "missed." This one's on ESPN Classic and NBA TV all the time because it was Kevin McHale's final game.
Here's the point: I follow the NBA as closely as anyone on the planet. Every day, I get at least one e-mail from someone begging me not to write about the NBA so much. (Which I always find interesting because this is a free column -- it's almost like someone complaining at a dinner party that the bar serving free drinks only has Absolut and Grey Goose and not Ketel One.) If I can remember only TWO instances in the past two decades when this play worked (and the Dee Brown game doesn't even count since the Celtics lost), then I'm guessing there's a higher percentage play out there with 1.9 seconds remaining when you have Dirk Nowitzki, Jerry Stackhouse and Jason Terry on your team. Call me crazy.
This isn't supposed to be soccer, everyone.
• Back to Stackhouse's "hard" foul: I watched all of Game 4, as well as SportsCenter after the game, and not a single announcer wondered whether Stack was retaliating for Shaq's three-stitch elbow in Game 1. For God's sake, do you know anything about Jerry Stackhouse? He's one of the toughest dudes in the league -- if you made a list of "Players whose sister you wouldn't want to accidentally sleep with," he'd be right up there. When that Shaq elbow happened and Stackhouse was nodding angrily afterward -- like, "OK, so that's how we're playing, gotcha" -- I specifically remember thinking to myself, "I can't wait for the moment when Stack tries to get him back."
So when he cracked him in Game 4, that was my first reaction: "There it was! I knew it!" But it was a totally legal foul, and only the replay betrayed him -- in slow-motion from one angle, you could see Stack sizing Shaq up for a brief second, much like the Posey-Hinrich incident in Round 1, and that's what ended up getting him suspended. And here's where the NBA has lost its grip a little bit. Shaq was running loose toward the basket for a free dunk and probably outweighs Stackhouse by 125 pounds. If Stackhouse did anything BUT foul Shaq as hard as he could, he would have bounced off Shaq like a 5-foot-10 cornerback bouncing off Antonio Gates, Shaq would have made the layup for a potential three-point play, and Hubie Brown would have told us, "See, now, when you are fouling in that situation ... you cannot ... give up ... the three-point play." Basically, Stackhouse was screwed either way.
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