Can't get enough of this guy.
Quote Originally Posted by H.L. Mencken
WORDS DEFINED:

Archbishop
- A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.

Church
- A place in which gentlemen who have never been to Heaven brag about it to people who will never get there.

Clergyman
- A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Conscience
- The inner voice which warns us that someone is looking.

Confidence
- The feeling that makes one believe a man, even when one knows that one would lie in his place.

Creator
- A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.

Evil
- That which one believes of others. It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.

Experience
- A series of failures. Every failure teaches a man something, to wit, that he will probably fail again.

Fine
- A bribe paid by a rich man to escape the lawful penalty of his crime.

Husband
- A No. 16 neck in a No. 15 1/2 collar.

Idealist
- One who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

Immorality
- The morality of those who are having a better time.

Jealousy
- The theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.

Love
- The delusion that one woman differs from another.

Morality
- The theory that every human act must either be right or wrong, and that 99% of them are wrong.

Pastor
- One employed by the wicked to prove to them by his example that virtue doesn't pay.

Platitude
- An idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone,and (b) that is not true.

Psychology
- The theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow, and is certainly a damned fool.

Sunday
- A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell.

Sunday School
- A prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.