Originally Posted by
H.L. Mencken
WORDS DEFINED:
Archbishop
- A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
Church
- A place in which gentlemen who have never been to Heaven brag about it to people who will never get there.
Clergyman
- A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.
Conscience
- The inner voice which warns us that someone is looking.
Confidence
- The feeling that makes one believe a man, even when one knows that one would lie in his place.
Creator
- A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.
Evil
- That which one believes of others. It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.
Experience
- A series of failures. Every failure teaches a man something, to wit, that he will probably fail again.
Fine
- A bribe paid by a rich man to escape the lawful penalty of his crime.
Husband
- A No. 16 neck in a No. 15 1/2 collar.
Idealist
- One who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
Immorality
- The morality of those who are having a better time.
Jealousy
- The theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.
Love
- The delusion that one woman differs from another.
Morality
- The theory that every human act must either be right or wrong, and that 99% of them are wrong.
Pastor
- One employed by the wicked to prove to them by his example that virtue doesn't pay.
Platitude
- An idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone,and (b) that is not true.
Psychology
- The theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow, and is certainly a damned fool.
Sunday
- A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell.
Sunday School
- A prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.
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