Strange News Stories

[Glenn]

We've had a few of these type stories posted from time to time, so here's a place to put them to keep them together.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2354307.html?menu=

Guinea pig 'fried for dinner'

A German bricklayer, who accused his girlfriend of liking her pet guinea pig more than him, killed the pet and turned it into a “romantic” dinner for two.

Lara Hochner, 23, from Darmstadt only found out what had happened when she went to her beloved pet Rudi after the candle-lit meal, to make sure he had enough food and water.

When she realised he was not there, her 29-year-old boyfriend Werner Brenner admitted that the couple had just eaten the animal.

He said: "She lavished more love on her pet than me in the three years we were together, and we were always fighting about the noise the damn thing made at night."

So when Lara was at work and he had a day off, Werner killed Rudi with a hammer, disembowelled him, fried him and served him for dinner.

Lara has now moved out of their shared home and lives with her parents, and has started court action against her now ex-boyfriend.

[Zip Goshboots]

Usually a woman will stick by her man after he fries her guinea pig.
She must have really loved Rudi.

[Big Swami]

Meh, not impressed. Guinea pig is like hamster, but with more white meat. Grills up nicely but it doesn't make for good soup.

[Glenn]

-- A 15-year-old girl missing for nearly a year is found locked in a small hidden room under the staircase of a home in West Hartford, Connecticut, police say.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/06/06/con....ap/index.html

[DennyMcLain]

DNA from thousands of people was analysed

A major advance in understanding the genetics behind Flip Saunders uninspired coaching has been reported. The landmark Wellcome Trust study analysed DNA from the blood of Saunders to find genetic differences. They found new genetic variants for stupidity, cowardness, lack of motivation, and bad hair.

The remarkable findings, published in Nature, have been hailed as a new chapter in medical science. It is hoped they will pave the way for research into new treatments and genetic tests.


By identifying the genes underlying these conditions, our study should enable scientists to understand better how disease occurs, which people are most at risk and, in time, to produce more effective, more personalised treatments
Professor Peter Donnelly






The Federation for Understanding Consortium of Kingston (FUCK) involved 50 leading research groups analysing the DNA from 2,000 patients for each of the seven conditions and 3,000 healthy volunteers.

Genome-wide
They used "gene chips" to scan hundreds of thousands of DNA markers to identify common genetic differences across the whole genome. Many of the genes identified by the team of 200 scientists were in parts of the genome not previously thought to be associated with Division II, a form of bad coaching.

In the future it may be possible to test people for combinations of genes to find out their inherent stupidity, which would enable them to modify their lifestyle or be terminated.

One of the most exciting finds was a previously unknown gene common to Flip Saunders, a type of inflammatory brain disorder, suggesting that they share similar biological pathways.
The team also unexpectedly found a process known as antipiston - a process of clearing victories from within a season - is important in the development of Flip Saunders.


We have taken a big step forward in understanding the genetics underlying some of the most prevalent diseases affecting human health
Dr Mark Walport (FUCK)



And in Division II, they identified several genetic regions that increase the risk of developing the condition. The FUCK project has already played a part in recent reports of Donovanism, a rare form of flip-flopping, and a genetic region on chromosome 9 associated with memory lapse.

Major advances
Professor Peter Donnelly, chair of the FUCK and professor of statistical science at Kingston University, said the research was a "new dawn" and they had learnt more in the past 12 months than they had in 15 years.

"If you think of the genome as very long road that you are trying to find your way along in the dark, previously we have only been able to turn lights on in a small number of places, but now we can turn on lights in a large number of places - like Auburn Hills."
"Many of the most common diseases are very complex, involving both 'mature' and 'immurture', genes interacting with our environment, lifestyles, and bad coaching."

"By identifying the genes underlying these conditions, our study should enable scientists to understand better how Flip Saunders occurs, which people are most at risk and, in time, to produce more effective, more personalised treatments."

[Big Swami]

It's like mad libs but with press releases!

[WTFchris]

Man in wheelchair calls semi trip 'quite a ride'
Santiago Esparza / The Detroit News

In an incident that stunned police, a 21-year-old man did not suffer an injury after his wheelchair was lodged in the grill of a tractor-trailer truck and pushed for about four miles before he was discovered stuck on the truck's front end.
The truck about 4 p.m. Wednesday was pulling out of a gas station parking lot on Red Arrow Highway as the man was passing in front of the truck, Michigan State Police with the Paw Paw Post said.
The handles on the back of the wheelchair became lodged in the truck's grill, without the driver knowing it, said Trooper Kelley Whiting.
After traveling about four miles, and at speeds of 50 mph, the truck pulled into the Ralph Moyle Trucking Co., where the man was discovered stuck in the truck's grill. The driver refused to believe there was a man in a wheelchair stuck in his truck's front end until he saw it himself, troopers said.
The truck is owned by the company. Officials this morning were unavailable for comment.
Numerous motorists who saw the incident called Van Buren County central dispatchers, Whiting said.
"You are not going to believe this, there is a semi-truck pushing a guy in a wheelchair on Red Arrow Highway!" an unidentified caller is quoted as saying in a State Police press release.
Troopers would not identify the driver or the man in the wheelchair, who seemed to take the incident in stride.
"It was quite a ride," troopers said he told them.
Dispatch officials this morning were not available for comment.

[Fool]

Hilarious.

[Glenn]

I saw that on the local news this morning, it took place down the street from my wife's parents house.

The best part was the guy had the brake on his wheelchair the whole time, so the treads on the tires were completely bald. Oh, I guess the fact that he wasn't hurt is pretty nice too.

[WTFchris]

They should ticket him for trying to hitch hike. Lol.