WTF's Morning Constitutional with Zip Goshboots

[DrRay11]

Very nice.

[Glenn]

WTFDetroit’s Morning Constitutional
With Zip Goshboots

January 2, 2008

Yowza!

That was some game to watch. If there’s one thing you can say about Michigan Football, it’s that this program seems to always be involved in riveting games; games you just can’t walk away from (as I did in The Year of Infinite Pain, in 2005. Penn State had just scored to take the lead in Ann Arbor with about a minute to go. My two buddies wanted to leave, so finally I caved when PSU scored. We all know what happened next. It was quite the nervous drive back to Nebraska with the bodies of my two buddies in the trunk). This one was no different. Four Michigan turnovers kept breathing life into the Gators, and kept UM from blowing them out. But again, it’s Michigan Football, and success seems to really scare the Wolverines.

Read this complete Morning Constitutional here.

[Glenn]

WTFDetroit’s Morning Constitutional
With Zip Goshboots

January 8, 2008

Well, it’s finally over. Or should I say, “Wow! It’s over already?” Another football season is in the books for ol’ J. Zipperton Goshboots III, and now it’s time to talk about it. Pull up a chair; grab a beer, tell the kids not to talk to you for the next half hour, and LET’S DO THIS!!

Read this complete Morning Constitutional here.

[Glenn]

WTFDetroit’s Morning Constitutional
With Zip Goshboots

January 11, 2008

Hello America, Larry King here. I just want to say that I am not gay, never have been gay, and don’t want to be gay, but hot DAMN, if I have (another) drunken night like I did this past New Year’s Eve and Roger Federer is in the mood??? Well, this whole Golf Channel thing sure hasn’t gotten the legs it needs to. I wonder why there’s no outcry from Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson after the chick at that network said that to beat Tiger Woods, maybe the other golfers need to “lynch him in a back alley somewhere”. WHAT? First, it’s Fuzzy Zoeller and fried chicken and collared greens. Now this? What if one of the male commentators had said that? Funny that this keeps happening to, oh, the ONLY African-American golfer on the tour. Nah, golf isn’t an elitist, “White Males Only” club, why would anyone think that?

Read this complete Morning Constitutional here.

[Glenn]

WTFDetroit’s Morning Constitutional
With Zip Goshboots

January 15, 2008

They say, you know, that “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”. Well, for my money, Vegas can keep the Blue Man Group.

I was channel surfing the other day, and came upon a show of theirs being broadcast on PBS. I sure hope it wasn’t “Pledge Week”, because I will never even think about opening my wallet for that network again if that’s the kind of shit they want me to watch, especially if they want me to give them money so they can air it.


Read this complete Morning Constitutional here.

[Glenn]

WTFDetroit’s Morning Constitutional
With Zip Goshboots

January 17, 2008

When the Governor of a state gets involved with that state’s college football team, you know that state is ass backward. The job of a Governor should be, in part, to calm the masses, even if they are a bunch of black lunged, toothless, meth-laced whiny bitches who are, on the one hand, glad that they have just lost a football coach and replaced him with the lovechild of Howdy Doody and Opie Taylor, yet pissed off that the guy got the fuck out of the shit hole that is West Virginia. A Governor’s job here would be to say something like, “Hey, it’s just football. We (Insert state here) have more to worry about than the football team, and we are thankful the coach was here while he was here, and we wish him the best”. Now, every Governor in the world knows that that is total bullshit, but he still has to say it. And I’m not stretching things a bit here when I say that no political figure in this country has the right to pull out the “morality” card at any time, especially the Rockefellers, a family of insanely crooked politicians and businessmen.


Read this complete Morning Constitutional here.

[Glenn]

WTFDetroit’s Morning Constitutional
With Zip Goshboots

January 19, 2008

Sometimes a man wakes up in the middle of the night, and just can’t get back to sleep. Sometimes a man daydreams for twenty minutes while driving, and instead of ending up at the drug store to purchase a box of tampons for his wife (and what IS it with them? They go through this thing every fucking month for twenty years, and every month it is the husband that must go out and buy tampons at 11:30 P.M. Fuck—I NEVER run out of beer!), he ends up in Traverse City. Sometimes a man is in a job interview, and just when the crucial question of “Why DO you want to work here, Thad?” comes up, he blurts out, “I just want to kill Mark Dantonio because he is trying to steal recruits from Michigan. Do you have a machete?”


Read this complete Morning Constitutional here.

[Zip Goshboots]

I'm a little dissapointed with the views. I think someone is fucking with the Constitutional. Someone from West Virginia.

[Timone]

I read it, that's for goddamn sure.

[DennyMcLain]

I'm a little dissapointed with the views. I think someone is fucking with the Constitutional. Someone from West Virginia.

West Vaginaians can't read.