All Hail the Dictator David Stern

**umichjenks** · 04-20-2007 11:51 AM

All right, I have never liked David Stern and the past few years have just re-emphasized the fact that he is the dictator of the NBA and has way too much power. Let's just take a look at some of the ridiculous changes he makes w/o consulting anyone but his own ego.

1. Stern installed and began having his stormtroopers enforce Nazi-esque dress code rules. (I really could care less if players want to wear a jersey if they're not playing, this isn't an office setting)
2. The double standard sheed crackdown on players
3. Suspending Crawford, even though Sheed has gotten T'd up for a.looking at a ref, b. laughing, c. waving his hands and everything else. Just stern trying to take care of his stars
4. No ipods during warmups. Wow, maybe next we have to send him an email if we want to listen to a certain station on the drive to work.
5. Any player caught wearing his wrist band too far up his arm will be fined. Wow.
6. Players wearing rubber bands with their names on them will also be fined, as will players who pull their jerseys out of their shorts when coming out of a game. Thanks mom.

I'm sure there are countless more ridiculous rules, but I thought I would throw in this story about how Stern is an obsessive compulsive freak.

One NBA owner came back from a meeting with Stern with some startling observations:

“There’s something wrong with that guy,” said the owner, who asked not to be identified. “You should see the way his office looks. It’s so picture perfect it’s frightening. When I sat down to talk to him, he got up from his seat, walked over to my chair, and pulled it to the right, explaining that the legs had to be nestled in the same four rug indentations at all times. Then he started rocking back and forth when I grabbed a pen out of his pen holder and didn’t stop until I put it back. Oh, and when I left and was walking back down the hall, I overheard him telling his secretary to ‘bring in the hose.’

“Bring in the hose? I didn’t realize I smelled that bad. Although, to be fair, my secretary and I use that phrase often and it’s got nothing to do with cleaning.”

Despite being batshit, Stern says he has no plans to take a leave of absence or seek psychiatric help. Instead, he’ll continue to be the face of the league and tweak the rules and regulations as he sees fit.