Random copypasta

[Uncle Mxy]

If he knew anything about WWF he'd know that Macho Man was, like, a 2x WWF Champion though. SMH.

mentioned WWF to someone recently and all they could come up with was Words With Friends

[Timone]

So last night me n the crew r scanning the club, we run security on every door in town, ran the old pussies outta town, aint seem em since. had the usual drunk assed preppy f@gs from the local college, simple choke hold, knee, punch and they are down then we throw them into a dumpster ion the alleyway, one night we put 8 guys in it at once, squashed em in like tuna in a can.


im working the door, crowds are lovin it, seeing me, im a damn celebrity in this town, im like "chill the **** out" but these guys are shoving n **** trying to get a glimpse of my strong assed self especially since im rockin a fine italian suit, really shows off my frame,m

People r texting each other n ****, soon musta been 1000 outside the club taking pictures begging to get in, guys start shoving some girls and the crews like "**** this" and jump in, start nailing people upside the head, i break out the bats we keep behind the door, cracking skulls all over the ****ing place. women love this ****, im top dog and they cant get enough of me whoopin ass,, im givin them a glimpse of my strong ass face inbetween swings of the blood soaked bat, its like a damn photo shoot.

next thing i know some pussy draws a gun, little T makes a grab and gets hit, good thing the crew wear vests, i dont, i aint got time for that pussy ****, so i go for the guy with a "son, somebody about to get their **** messed up" look on my face i see a flash but dont feel **** since im jacked up with adrenaline, i tackle this guy and the crew goes to work on his skull while i kick his gun down a drain. crowds gone ****ing wild,

Crew locks down the club and calls a doc, girls r all over me crying n ****, im like "i aint got time to bleed" and sip some $1000 champagne with a **** eating grin opn my face, when the docs turn up they couldnt believe their ****ing eyes, turns out my jacked up muscle fibras stopped that 9 in its tracks, like organic body armor or some ****, a normal pussied ass guy woulda hit the bricks and died, a bullet aint **** to 220lbs of coiuled up fibras, you dont gotta be a scientist to know that.

when i say i'm built for this **** i mean it

[Timone]

listen you cunt, i cant call you fat but i can definitely call you a cunt because you're being one.

you are a fucking pathetic little faggot bitch, and i want you to come to my house and spew the same bullshit you post in here to my face.

oh wait,i dont need to worry about you coming to my house because you would never do it. youll just continue to sit behind a fucking computer screen and act like fucking mike tyson to every guy you meet, when in reality you are a fat virgin neckbeard loser with cheeto dust in his beard and a pillow with a hole in it that you fuck every night

seriously, its so god damn pathetic to just watch people like you. like, i want to try to be angry at you, but honestly i just want to be your friend out of pity because i know you dont have any besides the friends on your wow account.

you should honestly just draft up a suicide note right now and continue adding to it every day little by little as the failures of your life pile up day after day and you wil finally have an entire book worth of your failures and can finally kill yourself and make your family and online friends happy.

of course, you would probably fuck it up and miss your brain stem so you have to shoot yourself in the head 2-3 times while in agony to go out like a wounded dog, or you will try to mix bleach and ammonia but the room will be a bit too ventilated so you weel literally feel the chlorine gas burning away the lining of your lungs and suffer in horrific, unfathomable agony for 5 minutes as you literally burn and melt from the inside out after you start vomiting up your own lungs and liquefied lung begins pouring out of your nose and you slowly suffocate to death.

fucking hate pretentious cunts.

[Timone]

You are so visibly upset, that you need to create shitpost in my glorious thread in an attempt to raise your self worth.
Come at me you plebian. I am the fucking pinnacle of man, both body and mind. I attend an Ivy league university, completely payed off by scholarships, with the leftover money used to buy myself a RX-7FD and a vintage Fairlady S30 Z with a L28 engine combined with twin turbos. My grade point average is perfect point O. After I finish my dual bachelors I will be accepted straight away into the doctorate program. I will have two doctorate degree's by age twenty-five, owe zero debts, and make more money a year than you will in a lifetime. The funny thing is, this is the average tripfag. There are many who far surpass me.
I also reached God of the internet status recently so now I will be mythified to hell and back and future archaeologists will unearth the internet and will think I was some kind of powerful historical figure.
By the way, do you have any idea what gorilla warfare is? I do, I was in the US Marine Core and I perfected it.
If I ever meet you in real life I'll snap you in half like a chocolate-chip cookie.
Go ahead and reply, doing so only proves my point that you are a bleating fool, laughing behind your screen, flapping these adipous cheeks of yours while your wawa chocolate milk drips all overy your XXXL t-shirt. Do you have any idea of how long you have been there, sitting on this same chair that because of some unknown miracle managed to withstand your massive weight? You have been there for weeks, months, locked up in your room that smells like Doritos and Wawa milk.
You are less admirable than an ant. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You might as well just beg to suck my dick and eat my bodily waste, so that maybe an iota of my greatness could pass onto you.

[Timone]

I have really bad (very very strong) armpit odor that I cannot get rid of. I've tried every deodorant known to man (crystal salt- solid and liquid, drysol, certain dri, secret, dove, men's deodorants, sports, lady's deodorants, clinical strength) as well as every other tactics known to combat underarm odor (baking soda, milk of magnesia, hydrogen peroxide, vinegar, alcohol, witch hazel, antibacterial soap, take zinc and magnesium, take charcoal tablets, probiotics...) but still can't get rid of it!!!!! None of them work at all! For the past few years and possibly longer, I've pretty much stunk everyday and it sucks. I can't hang out with anyone out of embarrassment and paranoia since, well, it sucks to be the stinky one in the group and I hate it when large groups of people start to act like they have nasal congestion when I am around. I can't concentrate on my school work and I turn down dates and friendship offers since I don't want to leave the house. I don't want to see my relatives either because of my b.o., it is very strong...probably similar to the smell of an overweight man in his 50's who's been stuck in the dessert for a while...or like a fifteen year old boy who just got home from a 6 hours sport practice in 100 degree temperature. The strange thing in all of this is that I am actually quite petite! Currently, I am at 114lbs and 5'3. I used to be 97 lbs, but even then I smelled bad so I know it's not because I gained weight.
I've also gone to a dermatologist who gave me an underarm antibiotic (erythromycin), the kind to rub on skin which didn't even help. I've also taken oral minocycline, which didn't get rid of the smell but gave me g.i. irritation. My family doc gave me a script for drysol, which made me dry but didn't help with odor at all. I am really desperate and need advise on how to get rid of this! I want my life to be normal and I want to be able to worry about my future, my hair, my weight etc (the normal stuff)...not my body odor please help. I've been told that I'm pretty hot and guys look at me and try to flirt with me all the time, but I always turn away since it's so embarrassing to be hot and stinky! I also hate people's comments on how I smell too; they hurt my feelings really bad, regardless of how long I've had to deal with this issue. I don't even hang out with my friends and avoid everyone. I hate being a recluse since I like being around people, but I am a pretty sensitive person and can't take comments about how to smell like a fat man...please help me!

BTW, I do notice that my odor is even worse after I eat too much or eat the wrong food (refined carb, junk food, chocolate, coffee...basically, really creamy and rich food). It's also worse when my digestive system acts up or out of sink and when that time of the month comes. I am also pretty active. I do kickboxing at least 3 days a week and I also like to run. I shower everyday, sometimes twice, but the odor is usually still there afterward (maybe it might be gone for about 5 minutes...maybe not, idk). I also shave my armpit but odor would still be there. One thing though, I do have a pretty abnormal diet since I tend to eat a lot of food in one sitting. I have a huge appetite and can/will eat pretty much anything when I eat which is not good since I sometimes get digestive upset but I really can't help my appetite. I also used to get really bad skin (acne) when my diet gets too bad, but it would usually start going away after I quit eating wheat, oat and grain products. I would also get dizzy and tired sometimes after eating, especially if I eat sugary things like chocolate or sweet peanut butter or too much fatty food, or even too much fruits but found out I could cure this with a few miles run on the treadmill so its not a bother to me. I've wondered about food allergies too but I've gotten a food allergies test from a endocrinologist and everything came back negative (I do think I am intolerant to wheat and such grains though since I get acne..ooo and not to mention really bad cramps, bloat and umm...un-lady like disturbances when I eat them). I don't tolerate dairy (mainly ice-cream and yogurt, I can eat some cheese and drink a small quantity of milk...although I don't drink milk much), soy milk nor some fatty foods (avocados, nuts, chocolate, nut butters...) very well either but I do eat them sometimes, with the exception of chocolate-which I love and eat by the gallons- and, my most recent craving-peanut butter with dark chocolate or just plain peanut butter (yum), I do eat those a lot...like probably half a jar a day on top of other foods. I also do eat a lot of meat, probably way more than I should, but I also eat a lot of veggies and fruits too. To make it short, I've always eaten a lot...do you think that might be why?

[Timone]

Manhood Camping Firequest. Lookin' for a 100% for real bros to share/experience manhood in all its glory. This is for real, I don't want to waste my time or yours. 100% JO and manhood, no sugar added. I AM NOT GAY. Don't even think this is a sex thing, it's all about manhood.

Looking for bros to head into the woods and bond by fire, experience life as men once lived it, JO circle, and fire/vision quests.

THIS IS NOT A SEX THING.

Gonna need some basic things/skills, I don't want to be slowed down by fools:

- must be in reasonable shape, if you get winded walking then stay home
- Ed Hardy camping gear, it's really good gear and it's awesome
- desire to be a man among men
- not afraid to wield a blade
- crystal, I'm not sharing mine
- must be able to make a fire
- gloves
- a knowledge of native vegetation (knowledge of psychotropic fungus a plus)
- knowledge of modern music
- protective/splash resistant eye wear
- 5 - 10 of those clip things that rock climbers use


We are gonna need a mobile music device, ipod or something. I'm bringing the music for the firequests and visionquests, Nickleback's The Long Road. I only have it on CD, so I'll have my discman as a last resort, an ipod would be nicer. Just sayin'.


Dont' want to see"

- bad attitudes
- gay/homoerotic behavior, this is a manhood thing. I AM NOT GAY.
- cock rings, can't keep it up w/o help, you aren't gonna make it on this quest
- firearms, there's gonna be enough guns going off and spent shells to pick up
- the nerds/dorks/lames/and anyone less than 100% into manhood.

If you are serious, then I promise you this will be the trip of your life. It will change the way you think. I'm serious, and I AM NOT GAY. To see a group of bros being men, a JO circle by a camp fire. The charge/energy in the air. Crystals get jacked, no lie. You will slip into a different frame of mind, you will feel electric.

Last outing, we had a group that was so charged we attracted bears. It was no deal, nature knew man was in the forest, the crystals gave us the confidence to own those bears. I saw it, I was there.

100% SERIOUS, NO FAKERS

[Timone]

It's finally happening. This is the moment you have been waiting for your entire life. What's that, you ask? Peace in the Middle East? Well. no. Official word on the Arrested Development movie? I wish! An end to the seemingly insurmountable polarized political climate that has stymied any conceivable progress in our country? Ha!

It's none of these things. But here's what is happening--I am FINALLY getting rid of my entire collection of VHS tapes. Hear me out.

As a kid, I was a huge nerd (or nerdette, as the case may be). A nerd who was obsessed with TV. It's probably inconceivable these days, but there was a time when a kid like me didn't have access to every episode of Full House at my fingertips. Viewers were slaves to the TV lineup. You either saw that episode of Alf when it aired or you had to find out what happened from your classmates at school the next day (for shame!). Armed with my family's VCR, equipped with a state-of-the-art auto-program function, the world was my oyster. I could tape things! And tape I did.

Now you can enjoy such classics as Edward Scissorhands, Children of the Corn, Pretty Woman, and The Great Muppet Caper. But that's not all!! The real beauty of these tapes are the hidden gems that lie within. You may think that you are just watching an ordinary version of Ghostbusters taped off HBO, but stay tuned! After the movie you might be treated to an episode of Growing Pains, followed by a snippet of The Sting! The Sound of Music may be great in and of itself, but think how much improved it is when it's followed by part of Nickelodeon's Kids Choice Awards from the 1990s and a few choice episodes of The Real World: Season 1! You may pop in Flatliners, only to find out how touching the series finale of Dawson's Creek really is. (Spoiler alert: Jen dies!) These tapes are replete with random episodes of TV shows and snippets of movies. Are you in the market for a VHS tape full of nothing but Buffy, Will and Grace, and Beavis and Butthead? You found it!

Some of the tapes will baffle you with their randomness. Pop in an unlabeled tape and see what you find! It just might be a mish-mash of Behind the Music: Jessica Simpson, South Park, the Jon Stewart Show circa 2004, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and some strange VH1 show starring Pauly Shore.

Did I alienate you with the Pauly Shore reference? Please keep reading. I swear whatever that show was, I did not tape it on purpose. But you know what I did tape on purpose? Every single episode of The Adventures of Pete and Pete. There, have I won back your trust and respect? Probably not.

Have I mentioned the news clips and commercials?? Sometimes they are better than the movies! We are talking references to the Clinton presidency (good times!) and the Unibomber while he was still at large!! If you have no idea who the Unibomber is, please stop reading. . .you do not deserve these tapes. The commercials for the "new" Honda Accord will make your own car seem like a friggin' DeLorean. (And yes, Back to the Future is on one of the tapes.)

There's also some personal history in there. If you are really diligent, you might find the news clip that features my sister's 4th grade class in the background in Newark, New Jersey's famous cherry blossom park! My sister was prominently featured, although I have taped over that particular portion with Beetlejuice. But you can still see some of her classmates at the tail end of the broadcast, after Beetlejuice ends.

Words cannot convey how much you need this collection. Hell, I'll even throw in my old VCR FOR FREE with the lot. I'm pretty sure it works and I might even be able to find the remote.

You may wonder why I am getting rid of these tapes. The truth is, at this point in my life they mostly just take up space and prove to be a hassle whenever I move. I need to spread the joy to others who can more fully appreciate them.

Here's the deal: you take these tapes off my hands. I'm giving them away. I do not want anything in return for this kindness. They are conveniently packed into cardboard boxes for easy transporting. But you have to take them ALL. This is an all-or-nothing, take-it-or-leave-it deal. I will throw in the VCR for free.

[Timone]

Dear Neighbor in Warren -

I'm not gonna shovel out the walk, so you might as well call me in now.

I work 12-14 hour days. My wife left almost a year ago to go relive her college days (she's fucking the third or fourth in a line of grad students at the U of M, from what I hear) and saddled me with the mortgage and car payment. The dog now hates me because he's cooped up in one room all day long when he used to be home with the wife (too busy doing yoga to stay limber for the college studs to get a job when we were together) and could go outside or at least have run of the house all day.

Thanks for the dirty look when I saw you out walking YOUR unleashed shit-machine-on-four-legs this morning. Must be a bitch to be shins deep in the snow while your dog clamors into my yard to leave a steamer in the drift. Noticed you didn't have a bag with you and kind of caught the way you just kept on walking without picking up Rover's turds as I rolled up the hill towards another hourlong commute.

Hey, asshole. Guess what? I'm not an independent consultant or whatever the fuck it is you told me your job is when I was checking out your wife's ass at the neighborhood picnic this Summer. I'm a sales manager. I get up early, go to the office, slug it out listening to salespeople tell me that our customers won't buy our services in this economy (or as I call it, 'whining about shit that's really not my problem') until well after you've had your supper, and typically make it home about the time you're settling in to watch Real Housewives of Orange County or whatever closet cocksucker show you watch after you put little Peyton and Jacinda to bed.

I'm beat when I get home. I eat a sandwich, pet the dog a little, sort the mail, and wish my wife wasn't a cum guzzling whore for a Carlson School of Management's Spring '09 MBA candidates, each of whom is gonna finish fucking my wife, defend a dissertation, get offered a job without having to make a meaningful search, and earn six times more money at age 22 with no experience than I am at age 40 with a BS in marketing and 18 years never once having missed quota for base-plus-ten-percent.

The LAST thing on my mind in these moments of lamentation is putting on the Carhartts and shoveling out the sidewalk when it's -15�. I gotta get up in six hours and get back to the office. I work for a living, and to tell you the truth, when you called the City to complain earlier this year about snow on the sidewalk and I got the $30 WSB invoice from the City for them to come by with their brush-blower, I happily paid it. It was worth the $30 to not have to go out and stand in the wind for 30 minutes.

So this is your fair warning, oh neighbor of mine...might as well call me in now, because it ain't getting any warmer the rest of this week, my job ain't getting any less demanding, and as far as I know, my wife has every intention of continuing to let the next generation of useless MBAs keep screwing her spit-lubricated ass. Which means I have the perfect combination of prohibitive temperatures, discretionary income, and anger at humanity in general to keep paying the city to clear the sidewalk in from of my house well into Spring.

[Timone]

Oh my god. Oh. My. God.
Grab a paper bag, breathe into it and calm your ass down. You're hyperventilating because you ain't never seen a deal like this before. Now collect yourself, then keep reading this incredible description that barely serves to do justice to my 2010 Felt Gridlock 3 speed fixed gear bike. Yes 3 SPEED FIXED GEAR. Also known as the greatest bike the city has ever had the privilege of existing around.

What makes this bike so much better than every other bike that has ever been pedaled? Glad you asked. It starts with the paint scheme. It looks like Iron Man if Iron Man were a bike. That's bold, son. Curb appeal. It's probably also why some piece of trash stole the front tire that originally came with this beauty. Why didn't he steal the whole bike? Because he knew he wasn't man enough. That's ok, I replaced it with something that looks even more boss. The next thing is the genuine leather seat. My taint has had a love/hate relationship with this particular bit of the machine. But it's got those swanky brass rivets so I can't stay mad that it smashed my prostate and has likely rendered fatherhood impossible. But let's face it, I'd rather have have a bike than a kid.

What else? Let's talk about that three speed in-the-hub, fixed-gear transmission for a second. It's as gnarly as it is exotic. Like the tropical, saw-toothed platypus. Which is a species that does't even exist. Fortunately this crazy ass hub does. It offers 3 speeds, as the name implies. It also offers a terrific chance to introduce that dome of yours to the asphalt if you sleep for one single second on this beotch. So don't trip. Ride safe. Get a helmet and if you've never ridden a fixed gear bike, maybe it's time to move along, young sir because this back tire doesn't flip flop and it doesn't offer any respite. What this bike does offer is a one-way ticket to legits-ville. Find a bowling ball. Then find another one. Your nuts must be at least that big to even consider making this whip the dreamiest object to ever take up too much space in your tiny ass apartment. But you'll be filled with joy once you throw a leg over this flawless piece of American-made* cycling excellence.

What else? Ryan, the paint's a little dinged up. Yeah, well, that's called real life. It comes at you fast, bro. Besides, you really want this glimmering, shimmering sex machine catching the eye of some small time thief? I already told you what happened to the tire. You really don't want to be living your own version of PeeWee's big adventure. Consider the lived-in feel a natural crime deterrent. If this bike were denim jeans, it'd be called "de-stressed" and you'd be paying extra for the privilege. I'm not gonna charge you extra for it, though. Cause I'm not trying to take advantage of you. But you should take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

But, aren't you sad about selling the greatest bike on earth? No. When you ride this bike once it permanently eliminates your ability to feel sad about anything ever again. Even for little puppies who are afraid to walk down the stairs, because the stairs...they're so big, and they're so little. Puppies who are young, but have already discovered the world to be a cold, unforgiving place. But you won't give a shit about it because you'll be on your awesome new bike living the dream.

Ryan, is that a toilet in the background? Yes. Why? Because this bike is the shit. And you've just learned something else about me. That's right, my name is Ryan. And your name is lucky sonofagun if you make the best choice of your life and pay me cold, hard cash for this ridiculous ride.


*Felt bikes are imported from Taiwan. Sorry to burst your bubble, homie, but globalization has been restructuring the way products get manufactured and sold since the 80's. Some believe it's eroding the American middle class. If you're the last to know, sorry for party rocking. Read "The World Is Flat." Form an opinion. Join the dialog. By the way, the book is like 12 years old so this shouldn't be news. Shit's fucked up, but we didn't start the fire. No we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it. Now buy this bitchin' ass bike.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[Timone]

Every time I use my Fleshlight I think how glad I am that I got it. I honestly felt a little weird about it at first, but now here I am writing about it on Yahoo. It's just so much better than your hand. I mean, believe it or not, it just feels really healthy because it's just so much more satisfying. When you're done, you feel like you've just done something really nice and good for yourself. I don't know, it's a whole different experience from using your hand. I mean, I don't think of it as a replacement for sex though, just think of it as much, much better solo time. Your brain and your body crave that engulfing feeling, that being-taken-in kind of feeling—and this will do it. Since it completely engulfs, you get complete contact and friction against your skin and thus more stimulation. I highly recommend the Wonder Wave model as a good first texture to try. ( That's just a link to the texture, don't skip the case, the case is actually important for creating the right amount of pressure.) It's not over-the-top intense, but it's much more interesting than the smooth. (I've owned both.) Personally, I'd steer you away from the original smooth because I think it's a little boring and the worst part is that without any texture, the lube will just flow out easily and you'll risk a friction burn. A lot of guys say it's the closest to the feeling of real sex. I disagree, simply because only sex feels like sex to me, but the Wonder Wave Fleshlight feels really, really, really good. And, it can definitely be used on you by a partner if you're too tired for full sex or looking to spice up handjobs, etc., so it will serve you well beyond just your personal time. So yes, I'd say it is definitely worth it. I don't think you'll regret the purchase and if you follow their instructions on the care, it will last practically forever. You'll feel weird about spending the money on what you spent it on at first, but once you have a couple of good sessions with it, you'll wonder how got by without it. Just be aware that it might take a couple of times using it to get used to it and get the technique down—just like anything else. For the Wonder Wave, especially, I'd say it's best for going real slow and taking your time. (Be sure to try twisting it. That's a crazy feeling also.)

Although I don't have any personal experience with the prostate stimulators, from what I've read I would think that the Bad-Boy ( ) would be the best choice because the indented portions of the contour shape near the base would likely make it more comfortable when the sphincter closes around it. God, sphincter is such a weird word. I can't believe I just typed that. Anyway, that's what I know. Good luck.
Source(s):
I have the Wonder Wave texture ( ) and I think it's great. I actually have a great sex life and have sex two or three times per week, but my drive is over the top and the Fleshlght helps to keep me from being a total pest. And when we want to do something lazy, but still good, we bring out a toy for her and the Fleshlight for me.