Random copypasta

[Timone]

For all you under 18 guys lurking this blog-you know you are there, despite the NSFW tag-here is your lesson for the day. I got laid more in this car when I was 16-17 than in any other car I owned since. Looks crappy right? May be. So why was it that I couldn’t keep girls out of it, and they were always willing whenever the opportunity presented itself?

Here is the first secret: It was COMFORTABLE. Girls like being COMFORTABLE.

It had huge bench seats front and back. The front seat was a 60/40 split, the passenger had their own controls. The back seat was a cave-you could stack many, many bodies back there.
It had air conditioning. The air conditioning worked. This was a car made at a time when factory air was rarely seen. The A/C blew so cold that you could hang meat in there.
It rode nice. Look at it. It’s a boat. No matter how bad the roads were the ride was awesome; the engine and drive train were flawless. It was like being in a new Cadillac.

Here is the second secret: They ALWAYS got theirs too. I was a curious teen, and horny as fuck. I was not big on beating my meat, but I was fascinated by the female body and how it worked for years before I drove this car. Before there was an internet it was hard to study the sex organs of humans, so I ripped off playboy magazines, old porn rags, I read encyclopedias, dictionaries, and school texts. I knew what each part of a girl’s crotch did, where it was, and how they were connected. I was not afraid to stick my face in it either, and that was fair because they stuck their face in mine. I made sure that every time a girl got in that car she had a chance to have an orgasm, even if I did not. They liked that. A LOT.

Here is the third secret: I was always prepared. I always had condoms. Didn’t always use them. But they were in the car. That was always her choice. There was a roll of paper towels. Wet naps. Pillows. No female wants to have to walk around for hours with your slime rubbing all over her labia and panties. Young girls don’t want to risk their mother finding out when the laundry is being done. Always be ready and have clean up items.

Here is the last, and most important secret: I NEVER EVER TALKED ABOUT WHAT WE DID WITH ANYONE BUT THE GIRL INVOLVED AND ONLY WHEN SHE BROUGHT IT UP. To this day girls feel like they have a reputation to protect. They have Dads who will kill someone if they find out their daughter has been having sex. They have friends that aren’t friends who want mud to smear around. DON’T BE THE DOUCHE THAT BRAGS. Once the word is out that you talk you will not get laid again until after college.


Get it and you will get it, guaranteed.

[Mr. Oobir]

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3 stars
it's
By Rufeng linon September 12, 2014
it's okay

[Timone]

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

[Vinny]

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

[Timone]

You think Aries is Aggressive I think they are Passionate

You think Taurus is Lazy I think they are Patient

You think Gemini is Annoying I think they are Knowledgeable

You think Cancer is Sensitive I think they are Intuitive

You think Leo is a Show Off I think they are Proud

You think Virgo is Bossy I think they are Leaders

You think Libra is Indecisive I think they are Thoughtful

You think Scorpio is Mean I think they are Honest

You think Sagittarius is Careless I think they are Adventures

You think Capricorn is Uptight I think they are Responsible

You think Aquarius is Reckless I think they are Vivacious

You think Pisces is Spacey I think they are Dreamy

[Vinny]

I love how people are calling Kylo weak when he has demonstrated a stronger side as a Force user. No jedi could hold a blaster laser in mid air for that long while still communicating with others. Master Yoda could probably deflect it but not hold it midair.
Moreover,which other Sith or Jedi could force mind read and control like how Kylo did?

You see Chewy and Han Solo using the bow-like blaster and destroy people with it. Well Kylo took a hit and still manage to fight Finn and Rey.

He is imo the most interesting Villian yet.

[Timone]

You know May the 4th was with that person.

[Uncle Mxy]

[Timone]

I really hope you guys can un-fuck your party like the GOP has because if the establishment is allowed to exist on either side then we both lose in the end!

Like I said though, I firmly believe that Bernie would beat Trump and I'm saying that as a rabid Trump supporter. It's too bad the DNC can't see it or they'd be all over Bernie. It's like they want to lose. Sad!

[Uncle Mxy]

From: Flora <first.date@hotlove.us>

Hello! How are you doing? Don't be amazed that you got this letter... Honestly
saying, I'm very tired of looking at happy couples. I want to be loved since I
have forgotten how is it to feel warmth and amorousness. I would like to fall
in love and go on dates with someone. I think it's wonderful to have a romantic
dinner or cook breakfast together. Unfortunately, I'm still in search of my
beloved. But I feel that you are my life partner. I will care for you and love
you. Just give me an opportunity. Please, don't leave me alone. I need you
extremely. If you also desire to have love affair, write to me without
hesitations. I will be really happy to receive an e-mail from you. I can send
you my photo. That's all, I must go. I couldn't wait. Best wishes, your life
partner. we are waiting for you

I suspect that last part is true.