Bill Simmons Sucks Donkey Balls

[Pharaoh]

If he's right in 2 years time then all of last season was a waste of time, money and energy.

Until then everyone needs to sit tight, chill the fuck out and wait for "Desmond Wolfe", who will be arriving directly.

[Atticus771]

14. Andrew Bynum
I am 65 percent certain that this exact conversation happened within the past four weeks.


(Kobe enters Phil Jackson's office. Brian Shaw is sitting to Phil's right.)


Phil: Kobe, thanks for stopping by.


Kobe: No problem. I got five minutes. Artest is taking me to Hollywood Boulevard; he wants to introduce me to the guys dressed up like Superman and Batman. He thinks they're the actual superheroes. I haven't had the heart to tell him they're homeless guys.


Phil: Well, don't tell him differently. Let him think that.


Kobe: I will.


Phil: Look, I really want to get Bynum more involved in our offense in November and December. It's a good thing, Kobe. Just trust me. We run everything through him for 42 minutes. You take over for the last six.


Kobe: C'mon, we did this last season. Then he got hurt, I took over and our team took off. Why go through the charade again?


Phil: Because you're still two titles behind MJ?


Kobe: That's your big motivational move with me now, huh?


Phil: Hey, he told me himself -- "Tell Kobe to call me when he gets to six."


Kobe (eyes narrowing): He said that?


Phil: Yup. He said he can't even take you seriously until you win two more.


Kobe: Really?


Phil: Yup. That's why we need Bynum right now. The Pechonkamappadosa tribe has a phrase for this called, "Kakaboomaka." It means, "To share the credit without giving up credit with those who matter." I just want to build his confidence up and save your legs. We put a ton of miles on those babies these past two years -- 208 games. This is good for you.


Kobe: Lemme think about it.


(Kobe leaves. Phil turns to Shaw.)


Phil: This is too easy.

I LOL'd. I like this kind of stuff from BS, but can't stand the rest of it, typically. I really hope the Celtics implode this year. That would make for some wonderful reading.

[MoTown]

You have to admit, he is kind of right.......

I'll admit that Joe D has made some very questionable calls over his tenure. But I also have to admit you can't argue with results. And the Pistons have been one of the best franchises in the league since he took over for quite some time now. I'm giving him a two to three year time span to rebuild. We're now in year two.

[DE]

The Joe D line goes way too far but keep this in mind:

I explained the purpose of my column, how I write from the fan's perspective and play up certain gimmicks -- I like the Boston teams and dislike anyone who battles them, I pretend to be smarter than every GM, I think Christmas should be changed to Larry Bird's birthday -- which made Isiah a natural foil for me.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2...ns/book/091021

To be honest I'm starting to not really care for any columnists anymore. Just a year ago I'd read 15-20 columns a week. Simmons has gotten old and his shtick comes off more as biting then amusingly snarky, Albom couldn't be more pompous (except his Detroit article for SI which I loved) and Jason Whitlock now spends 100 words of a 200 word column explaining how amazingly different and what an original thinker he is.

[metr0man]

I still like Bill Simmons, but man that guy has the hate for the Pistons. I like pretty much everything else by him that doesn't involve writing about the Pistons or the Celtics though.

[Uncle Mxy]

He wouldn't be a Bird-era Celtics fan if he weren't a Pistons-hater. As long as we can find players that feed off it, I'd love for every other fucking team to hate us. No fucking lovefests with the enemy!

[Laxation]

I still like Bill Simmons, but man that guy has the hate for the Pistons. I like pretty much everything else by him that doesn't involve writing about the Pistons or the Celtics though.

I still enjoy him writing about the Pistons... I take it with a bag of salt and just laugh at what he's saying.

[DE]

I still enjoy him writing about the Pistons... I take it with a bag of salt and just laugh at what he's saying.

That's about as true as it gets. I still scour the internet looking for anything written about Detroit teams.

[Timone]

I'm sure he'll be a blubbering vagina when he watches "Without Bias" tonight.

[Hermy]

I'm sure he'll be a blubbering vagina when he watches "Without Bias" tonight.

I think he's producing it.