Alright but hey keep it judgement free, okay? It's not one of my prouder moments and like I said in my first comment; I'm passed that phase of my life so I guess I can talk about how I used to be ... just keep in mind that I'm much more well adjusted nowadays.
I think one of the main contributors to the sort of "breakdown" that I had (that lead to the public masturbation phase and some other weird stuff) was the death of both of my grand parents. My grandpa was one of the best men I've ever had the honor of knowing, and his passing was really tough on me. He passed away a month or so before the cinema incident I described in my first comment, and the grief did some very strange things to me.
The worst part about grandpas passing was the fact that he left my grand mother behind. They were married for something like 58 years and so quite understandably she was devastated when he died. I don't know if you can actually die from heart ache, but she passed away shortly after grand dad (she had a stroke) and I've always thought of that as her sort of "giving up" and accepting death as an elderly person.
Anyway her death happened pretty much in the peak of my public wanking phase, which just made it worse as I was already not coping very well and losing her was another blow to my mental well being. Her funeral was a small one, maybe 30-40 people, and we all gathered at my mothers house afterward for the wake.
Everyone was standing around, nibbling on snacks and making small talk when all of a sudden my urges kicked in. I was incredibly aroused but at the same time disgusted with myself for even considering masturbating at my grandmothers wake. I kinda snapped myself out of it and continued on with my day.
Now this isn't something I'm proud of .... but of course with a wake being a wake there were loads of photos of my grandma and her life scattered around the place. Holiday photos, her wedding, stuff like that. What I hadn't realised before that day was that as a younger woman my grandma was really, really good looking. There were some photos of her in sort of pin-up (I think that's the term) outfits and poses. As horrible as it sounds, she looked incredibly sexy.
That was it for me. I had controlled my urges really well so far but that type of stimulus was the final push ... I couldn't help it. I was pretty much doubled over trying to hide the huge boner I had and every single second I stood there without relieving myself was absolute torture. I had a quick look over both shoulders to check that nobody was watching and when the coast was clear I grabbed a few of the best photos and headed to the (empty) kitchen. Pretty much as soon as the door closed behind me, my pants were unzipped and my dick was in my hand. I don't remember it taking very long, but I stared at those photos and jerked off and I ended up cumming incredibly, incredibly hard. One of those ones where every muscle in your body tenses up and your hands shake. Definitely in my top 5. As I finished up and I went into that post-masturbation state of clarity, I realised exactly what I had done and the euphoria of my orgasm was replaced with a tremendous amount of shame. Most of the load had actually covered the photos still in my hand... I was incredibly hateful of myself straight away: I was standing at a wake with my flaccid penis in one hand and the semen covered photographs of my recently deceased grandmother in the other. Even thinking about it makes me ashamed.
I ended up folding up the photos, putting them in my back pocket and disposing of them straight into the trash can later that evening. Luckily nobody saw me do anything but the entire experience will always stick with me as one of the most horrible things I've ever done.