I don't get why the thought of marriage and children scare the living shit out of me?
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I don't get why the thought of marriage and children scare the living shit out of me?
Because you're smart.
I don't get why people think they HAVE to get married and have kids.
That should be moved to the Zip advice thread. I was going to type the exact same thing after reading what Daviticus said.Quote:
Originally Posted by Zip Goshboots
Agreed, someone make the move.Quote:
Originally Posted by UxKa
http://www.helloworldblog.com/images...20marriage.jpgQuote:
Originally Posted by Daviticus 2.39
Daviticus: You have been warned.
Lets say you are in your 3rd year of school for sports broadcasting, and ESPN likes you and offers you a spot to be an anchor. You can't tell me you would turn it down to finish school. You can always finish school, a dream job like an opportunity to be a 1st round pick only comes around every so often.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Archdiocese
I AM in my third year of school for broadcasting right now, and I would drop school for ESPN without a second thought.Quote:
Originally Posted by darkobetterthanmelo
I don't get how we pour our heart and souls into things we absolutely can NOT control, like which of the 30,000 guys who screwed Anna Nicole Smith is the father of her kid, like what Don Imus said, like sports teams, like who an 18 year old kid will go to college and play for, like the weather...
And yet, the things we DO control, like the governing of our country, a corrupt administration sending young men to die for nothing, taxes, our education system, saving the planet for future generations...
THOSE things, which could be the EASIEST to change (if by no other means then getting more than about 45% of the people to VOTE) we surrender to politicians and beaureacrats (SP?) that we spend our entire lives bitching about.
Amen, my good man.Quote:
Originally Posted by Zip Goshboots
I don't get how Rupert Murdoch took over an entire country. In Australia, you have near-100% turnout, yet the Fox-wing smear machine manages to get and keep assclowns like John Howard in power.Quote:
Originally Posted by Zip Goshboots
Never sell stupidity short.
"One can always count on the Americans to do the right thing, after having exhausted every other possibility." - Sir Winston Churchill
"It's quite difficult to get an American to do the right thing unless you also persuade him to do it for the wrong reason." - Michigane et Telegrafius
Has anyone ever really looked at the incumbency rate of Congress? As of the last election, it's 94%. That means 94% of all the legislators that are up for re-election get re-elected. People vote out incumbents for the same reason they vote people off of American Idol: "Sick of seeing them on the TV set."
When people George W. Bush into the presidency, few of them did so because they had the same political ideals, and even if they did, they were fooling themselves. No one knew very well what his real political opinions were. Anyone who actually believed they did probably jacks off to spy novels. It was a matter of "I like him, I'd have a beer with the guy." But here's the problem: very smart and dedicated people, the people you want to trust with huge responsibilities, are not like us. They are different. Those of us who are normal, slack-ass dudes, we don't see the world the same way as them. We might even think they were jerkwads if we met them, because their whole lives are about assuming the kinds of responsibilities we can only joke about, like Jack Nicholson's speech at the end of A Few Good Men. So what the fuck do I care about whether or not a candidate seems a little arrogant or prickly? All that matters is the guy's resume. I'm not a smart guy but I'll tell you that I spent long enough in school to know that if a guy is really talented, you look past his flaws.
And so people elected him, and the worries started to pile up. The long vacations, the nepotism, the general lackadaisical approach to the job...it all reveals a guy who just doesn't see the Presidency like a lot of other Presidents did. He was pretty sure that it wasn't as serious a job as everyone made it out to be. And bad things happened, and the news media (who had already decided Bush was the Mayberry sheriff who went to Washington) couldn't figure out a new narrative to explain things without making themselves look like liars. So they didn't say anything at all, and he got re-elected and the bad things got worse.
So now if we want to stop the bad things from happening, we have to sell a bullshit story to people so they don't have to do something difficult like learn how the Constitution works, or learn how to understand statistics, or learn how exponential growth models apply to population numbers and tax income. No, no, don't bother learning all that. Life is not about learning things. Life is all about a young boy who grew up with a dream to be President, and how he met the girl of his dreams and...puke.
Do I sound bitter?
I don't get why every fucking caller into a syndicated radio sports show begins by asking the host "Hey, how ya doin'?"
How do you THINK I'm doing? I'm sitting here at ESPN or Fox, babes are throwing themselves at me, I make a million bucks, I get 8 weeks of vacation a year, I go to every big sporting event, I don't have to say a damn thing all day if I don't want to, I can be wrong 99% of the time, and babes throw themselves at me. HOW DO YOU THINK I'M DOING?
Also, I don't get the two minutes of shmooze in every interview. As a listener, I really don't care if Mike Valenti partied with Larry the Cable Guy and his midget amputee bearded girlfriend two weeks ago in Cabo.
Also also, I REALLY don't get interviews with athletes who sound dumber than a rancid pancake. I realize not everybody speaks the Queen's English, but the interview with some dolt who plays for the Jacksonville Jaguars and can't spit out more than three legible words has me running for the "scan" button quicker than you can say, "So, I ran into you at Spago and didn't like your pants".
I hate how dumb rancid pancakes are. Fucking idiots.
They're even dumber than flatulent waffles.
I don't get why my balls always need a good scratch as soon as I get in front of an audience.
(Sorry, I'm just not as deep as some of you guys)
Good one. I also love that I suddenly get an uneasy stomache at job interviews and have to control the urge to fart.Quote:
Originally Posted by Waydowntownbang
It depends on the audience.
If you're a Chippendale dancer, that could be a good thing.
If you're a gorilla in the zoo, ditto.
If you are the President, maybe not so cool, unless you have an intern scratch your balls with her teef.
If you are a professional afleet, it's a job requirement.
CHRIS:
Here's a remedy to your gas problem: Don't go to job interviews, just list your perrennial flatulence on the "handicapped" section of your job application, and maybe it'll get you hired without trying to lie when asked this question: "Why do you want to work here for us?
I have nothing to add. But, please define 'flatulent waffle', it is a term that suddenly interests me as I am Belgian.Quote:
Originally Posted by Zip Goshboots
Things I don't get: Why the fuck would anyone be interested in a fucking flatulence waffle? Crepes is close enough to crap for my money.
I don't get why people sit at a driveway to a business wanting to get out and don't use a turn signal. If you don't have the courtesy to tell me which way you are going, then screw you.
The appeal of black jellybeans.
Apparently, some people enjoy the taste of vomit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn
I don't get why people buy a new car and leave the plastic plate cover on the back of their car. Are they paying you to advertise their dealership? No. So unscrew the plate and take that crap off there. I have to watch enough commercials, see enough billboards these days that we don't need extra uneeded advertising. Until my dealership starts sending me monthly checks, I'm not doing their marketing for them.
Right you are, Chris! The only way I'll advertize for my dealership is if they give me a free car.
Of course, getting a free car would be the ONLY reason I'd go to an auto dealer.
Sorry if this pisses off any smokers, but too bad. I don't get why smokers think throwing their butts anywhere is not littering. Sure, they probably biodegrade in a few years. but in the mean time our streets and sidwalks are covered in butts. It's disgusting. How the state of michigan can fine you 500 bucks for throwing a napkin out the window but not a cigarette butt is beyond me. I have nothing against smoking, just use a damn ash try. If you want to throw them in your yard, by all means. But don't use public land as your personal ash try. thanks.
It's always puzzled me how actor/country artist extraordinaire, Mel Tillis, has such a terrible stuttering problem whilst talking, but when he sings, it's just beautiful, no stutter.
Ask Mike Tyson to hug your kids. Just once.Quote:
Originally Posted by Taymelo
To add to this - when I'm in the gym, when I'm wrapping up a workout and doing cool-down stretches, why is it that the immediately moment that a hot chick sits down to do some stretches as well, that's when the gut bomb starts kicking in, and the air biscuits beg to be freed?Quote:
Originally Posted by WTFchris
Gut bombs, "air biscuits", and farting during job interviews. Hmmmm
I "smell" a morning constitutional in the air!
Chris:
Nice job on the cigarette thing. I'm a smoker, and I toss 'em out the window myself. From now on, if I smoke while driving, I'm going to put them out in the beer can I've just emptied.
And if you need a way to dispose of the beer can, you just can stick it inside the jar of glue you've just finished huffing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Zip Goshboots
And then shoot that shit off your dash with the 45 you keep under the front seat.
Nah, I'll just feed it all to the pair of Pit Bulls in the back seat I just bought from Michael Vick.
Damn, Mich, glue sniffing? I don't do that. It's dangerous. But I do at least try to build alot of model airplanes everyday. Funny, I don't finish many of them. I start them, but a B-52, last I checked, isn't supposed to look like Carol Burnett eating a purple jellyfish, is it?
Hahahahaha! No. No, it is not.Quote:
a B-52, last I checked, isn't supposed to look like Carol Burnett eating a purple jellyfish, is it?
Here's my goddamn rant of the day:
A bathroom is not a place for conversations. Don't ever use your voice in one. The only exceptions to this rule is the first line of defense (ahemhem) and the second line of defense (uhh, someone's in here). Otherwise, keep your goddamn mouth shut. Even if I know and like you, if you try to say some shit to me inside the crapper, I'm going to stare daggers at you and say nothing.
If you're having a conversation with another dude, and you're both walking into a restroom, first of all that's a little weird because only chicks do that; second of all, that conversation ENDS the minute you hit the threshold or I will kill you.
Also, what kind of obvious mental defective loiters outside the doorway of a bathroom, talking on his cell phone? I like to grab their phones and toss them wherever I think the conversation would be more appropriate.
And to all those guys who think it's just swell to make noises whilst taking a piss: I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND CUT YOUR THROAT AS YOU SLEEP. There's only one thing in the world more disgusting than having to listen to some douchebag groan "oooooohhhhhh yeaaaaaaah" while he's taking a leak, and that's if he farts immediately afterward. I hope you burn in hell if you do this.
And this is why I'm not gay. This is it. I'm no big fan of women...they tend to mostly annoy the shit out of me. But you know something? I've seen a man take a goddamn sandwich into a bathroom stall and as far as I know, women don't do this. That makes my decision for me. Dudes are gross. girls slightly less so. Girls win.
awesome post
Wait, are you suggesting it's not ok to fart at the urinal? I've had this conversation with my wife and some friends before, and I wholeheartedly disagree.
I'm only mildly annoyed by people who fart at the urinal. I concede that it is, in fact, in a bathroom and if you gotta fart, the bathroom is the 2nd-best place to do it.* But don't make me endure that and make me listen to that horrible "ng...ogggggggghhhh" sound at the same time. Save it for your boyfriend, sailor.
* The very best being, of course, in the presence of a corporate vice-president.
I don't get people who want to light their farts on fire, or those who'd want to document it in Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart_lighting