http://snltranscripts.jt.org/91/91asmalley.phtml
Phil Hartman might have one of the top 10 funniest human beings ever.
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http://snltranscripts.jt.org/91/91asmalley.phtml
Phil Hartman might have one of the top 10 funniest human beings ever.
The flu.
I woke up yesterday and spent the majority of the day in the bathroom or in bed. At night I had a fever. I'm still feeling like crap but at least I can keep light food down. I haven't been rocked like this in a few years.
Posting cures all.Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeMyers
Zekyl's got an ex-girlfriend I'm sure he'd share.Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeMyers
People that are too "important" to use their own voice on their voicemail. Are you seriously that in love with yourself that you have to have a secretary say on your voicemail that you're not available? Creating a personal voicemail takes, what, 10 seconds?
Get over yourself and commit suicide.
UPS Drivers that blatantly ignore the delivery address and thus go to the wrong door and thus I don't get the package that I paid extra to have overnighted.
Have at it. I'm a sharing kinda guy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fool
Been there, done that. Not worth it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fool
Why do you think she's an ex?
insomnia
fuck!!!!!
Insomnia totally sucks. You end up dead tired during the day, but you can't sleep cuz you are working, schooling, etc, then comes time to sleep again and FUCK!Quote:
Originally Posted by Cross
As an addendum to Motown's great post: people that use their fucking kids to record their voicemail message.Quote:
Originally Posted by MoTown
And while we're on the subject of kids, I hate kids who can't pronounce the letter "R". Take that little bastard out back and whip him with a two by four until he learns that it isn't prounoucned "Ow".
And furthermore:
People who can;t take their kids anywhere without a toy chest. Honeslty, one of the best things you can do for a kid is to teach him or her to SIT FUCKING STILL AND SHUT UP for at least twelve minutes. My daughter had a swim meet the other day. This puttz shows up with his little bratty ass kid, and after five minutes of the little fuck crying like a girl, his "father" whips out a personal DVD player that the kid tossed underneath the stands; then he whips out a bag full of enough toys to start his own Toys R Us. Now swim meets are long lasting affairs, but the guys other kid was done and they left after about 45 minutes!!! No wonder kids are ADD, ADHD, or whatever (I think they're just spoiled brats with bad parents). The parents are so busy trying to keep the kid quiet they either feed them constantly or give them 80 things to divert their attention from the fact that they just need to learn how to behave.
Thank you.
UPS/Fedex drivers that don't know how to use a fucking doorbell are sucks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Vinny
Zip has kids?
God help us.
http://www.sonypictures.com/tv/shows...s_pict3_lg.jpgQuote:
Originally Posted by Vinny
drivers that stop in intersections.
:cogent:Quote:
Originally Posted by Zip Goshboots
:cogent:
:cogent:
THANK YOU! If you can't teach your kid to sit down and shut up, you are a bad parent. I understand that there are times that the kid will be ornery and you'll have to remedy the situation, but if they can't learn to behave then its not some ADD or ADHD crap, its that you did poorly as a parent.
Yes, there are situations where people have ADD and ADHD, but not nearly as much as we seem to think. This country is so hopped up on meds because everyone feels "well, if we just medicate so-and-so it'll solve everything!". Well guess what, jackasses. Sometimes you just need to sit down and figure out why so-and-so is a fuckup and explain to them what their problem is instead of just medicating them into submission and rotting their liver and brain. This whole country is full of lazy, pathetic assholes always looking for an easy way out.
Things that suck - Fat people that don't do anything about it but bitch and moan. Go get some excercise you fat pieces of shit. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
That is all.
That is a good one. My wife and I went to dinner at Red Robin not too long ago and there was a family there with 3 kids. They all had their portable electronics going at the table. DVD player, game boy, you name it. I couldn't believe it. At fucking dinner?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zekyl
I was born quiet.
MY mom never had to worry about me.
My mom always tells everyone (even girls I bring home to meet the family) a story about how terrible I was at the grocery store one day. Apparently I threw a huge hissy fit because I wanted some gum. Guess what? I didn't get it. The power of "no" is a magical thing since I turned out pretty well.
Kids are spoiled with too much shit going on. Whatever happened to the days of having "family dinners" and talking?
I'm a senior in college and I still stop home every once in a while for a family dinner to see how things are going.Quote:
Originally Posted by D's Nuts
Usually when my daughters are spending time with their mother, I spend time with MY family.
http://www.letsplaydress-up.com/store/animalgroup.jpg
^had those, including that exact case
^ TRICKED YA
Creepy
Good one!
I had those too.
I had one of those giant stuffed Easter bunnies.
Road trips for work. I hate being away from home, and there isn't a beach and a woman nearby.
I actually like work trips, as long as they're every once in a while. The work pays for everything, it's a nice break, and you get to see new sites.
But if you're traveling 50% or more, then yes, I can see where you're coming from.
I'd kill for a nice, all expense paid, work trip right now.
Someplace warm like Dublin, Ohio.
Going to San Diego in March. First "work trip" of my life.
I get to go to Minnesota once a month. Not a great distination, but it's better than Detroit.
That's a place I want to visit that I haven't yet.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fool
It seems like it's always 78 degrees and sunny there.
Join the Marines, they'll give you an all expense paid work trip there for four months!Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn
Seriously, San Diego is just a little slice o' heaven on Earth.
Stay classy, San Diego.
http://detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/art...OOLS/801100382
How much would that suck if you were supposed to graduate this year?
That would suck. $100,000 into UM's coffers for a degree there, and you have to march through Ypsilanti to get your sheepskin. Shit, give 'm all a Winged hard hat and let 'em march into the Big House. The guys rebuilding the place wouldn;t mind a day off.
How funny would that be to have all the hot chicks marching through a line of cat calling construction workers?
It's Spanish for "Whale's Vagina."Quote:
Originally Posted by Glenn
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zip Goshboots
Cant do it due to electrical, sewer, and other related construction issues. Basically they could do it if they didnt need power, people didnt go to the bathroom, and no one was handicapped.
Unlikely to happen.
Nice to see that the University cares more about a hole in the ground than its students.