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What the fuck gives you the right to take away one of man's great pleasures?
Farting is OK anytime, anywhere.
That was a great rant until you went on the fart tangent. Many "Guy Points" lost due to this. You can't sit there and tell a guy when to fart, especially if he's too shy to do it in public and has to do it at the urinal.
What next, you gonna tell guys they can;t jerk off after a certain age?
What are you, TWELVE? You have alot to learn, man. A long way to go.
What if you fart in the bathroom with the corporate VP standing at the urinal next to you? Bonus points?Quote:
Originally Posted by Mich & Tele
Let me put it this way: A guy can sit in a dark green cloud of his own fart dust all day if he wants, while simultaneously jacking off and eating a submarine sandwich. I just don't want to necessarily be present.
The presence of other people when one bangs out a fart that registers on the Richter Scale and emits a cloud of gas that could kill everyone within a three mile radius is wasted if there's no one in the room to share in the accomplishment.
It's kind of a "male bonding" thing, and any guy appreciates that. It's right up there with getting a promotion or banging a hot chick. Telling your buddy about the fart doesn't have the same effect as being there when he wakes up in the hospital after being in a coma for three weeks, and you two can relive the moment at which he wandered into your cubicle just after you finished the lunchtime burrito and let loose, blowing him through the wall into the IT department where he hit his head on a crossbeam in the ceiling and was nearly killed.
The thing is, I am not all that ha-ha funny about farts. My farts are so godawful that they are frequently mistaken for chemical warfare. I must have some kind of disorder of the gallbladder or something. Every time I think I can let just a little squeaker out, it quickly permeates the entire room - and another guy wouldn't just laugh and say "who farted?" Any other normal person would know that they smelled something terrible, but they wouldn't be exactly sure what it was, and if they were informed that this smell was emitted by a human body, they'd be thrown into a psychic shock that would have lasting effects for decades. They can suffer from years of substance abuse and unemployment simply because their minds can't reconcile what they smelled with their basic belief in a God who loves his Creation.
Other people fart and laugh about it; my farts can disrupt the course of a person's entire life.
Why does your junk shrink up in the cold but your nips stick out in the same cold? That's messed up.
I guess you don't want it the other way either.
lol Good point, that would be bad.Quote:
Originally Posted by CindyKate
It's your favorite deity's way of saying:
"Don't fuck outdoors when it's fucking cold out."
Man, my favorite deity is always coming up with ways to get me to hate living in Michigan.
Fuck this. Come on you guys, let's pick up Detroit and put it in a better state. Let's take it to Oregon. Oregon is a little wet, but it's nice. We'd get to shake loose the rednecks, although we would have a considerably larger number of hippies (goodbye OxyContin, hello magic mushrooms!). In fact, Oregon doesn't have a real-as-fuck industrial rustbin right now, and maybe they could use one. I think it's a win-win situation. Does anyone have a trailer hitch?