We've had a few of these type stories posted from time to time, so here's a place to put them to keep them together.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2354307.html?menu=


Guinea pig 'fried for dinner'

A German bricklayer, who accused his girlfriend of liking her pet guinea pig more than him, killed the pet and turned it into a “romantic” dinner for two.

Lara Hochner, 23, from Darmstadt only found out what had happened when she went to her beloved pet Rudi after the candle-lit meal, to make sure he had enough food and water.

When she realised he was not there, her 29-year-old boyfriend Werner Brenner admitted that the couple had just eaten the animal.

He said: "She lavished more love on her pet than me in the three years we were together, and we were always fighting about the noise the damn thing made at night."

So when Lara was at work and he had a day off, Werner killed Rudi with a hammer, disembowelled him, fried him and served him for dinner.

Lara has now moved out of their shared home and lives with her parents, and has started court action against her now ex-boyfriend.

Usually a woman will stick by her man after he fries her guinea pig.
She must have really loved Rudi.

Meh, not impressed. Guinea pig is like hamster, but with more white meat. Grills up nicely but it doesn't make for good soup.

-- A 15-year-old girl missing for nearly a year is found locked in a small hidden room under the staircase of a home in West Hartford, Connecticut, police say.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/06/06/conn.kidnap.ap/index.html

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/43016000/jpg/_43016051_dna203.jpg DNA from thousands of people was analysed

A major advance in understanding the genetics behind Flip Saunders uninspired coaching has been reported. The landmark Wellcome Trust study analysed DNA from the blood of Saunders to find genetic differences. They found new genetic variants for stupidity, cowardness, lack of motivation, and bad hair.

The remarkable findings, published in Nature, have been hailed as a new chapter in medical science. It is hoped they will pave the way for research into new treatments and genetic tests.


http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/shared/img/o.gif http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/img/v3/start_quote_rb.gif By identifying the genes underlying these conditions, our study should enable scientists to understand better how disease occurs, which people are most at risk and, in time, to produce more effective, more personalised treatments http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/img/v3/end_quote_rb.gif
Professor Peter Donnelly

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/img/v3/inline_dashed_line.gif




The Federation for Understanding Consortium of Kingston (FUCK) involved 50 leading research groups analysing the DNA from 2,000 patients for each of the seven conditions and 3,000 healthy volunteers.

Genome-wide
They used "gene chips" to scan hundreds of thousands of DNA markers to identify common genetic differences across the whole genome. Many of the genes identified by the team of 200 scientists were in parts of the genome not previously thought to be associated with Division II, a form of bad coaching.

In the future it may be possible to test people for combinations of genes to find out their inherent stupidity, which would enable them to modify their lifestyle or be terminated.

One of the most exciting finds was a previously unknown gene common to Flip Saunders, a type of inflammatory brain disorder, suggesting that they share similar biological pathways.
The team also unexpectedly found a process known as antipiston - a process of clearing victories from within a season - is important in the development of Flip Saunders.


http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/shared/img/o.gif http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/img/v3/start_quote_rb.gif We have taken a big step forward in understanding the genetics underlying some of the most prevalent diseases affecting human health http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/nol/shared/img/v3/end_quote_rb.gif
Dr Mark Walport (FUCK)



And in Division II, they identified several genetic regions that increase the risk of developing the condition. The FUCK project has already played a part in recent reports of Donovanism, a rare form of flip-flopping, and a genetic region on chromosome 9 associated with memory lapse.

Major advances
Professor Peter Donnelly, chair of the FUCK and professor of statistical science at Kingston University, said the research was a "new dawn" and they had learnt more in the past 12 months than they had in 15 years.

"If you think of the genome as very long road that you are trying to find your way along in the dark, previously we have only been able to turn lights on in a small number of places, but now we can turn on lights in a large number of places - like Auburn Hills."
"Many of the most common diseases are very complex, involving both 'mature' and 'immurture', genes interacting with our environment, lifestyles, and bad coaching."

"By identifying the genes underlying these conditions, our study should enable scientists to understand better how Flip Saunders occurs, which people are most at risk and, in time, to produce more effective, more personalised treatments."

It's like mad libs but with press releases!

Man in wheelchair calls semi trip 'quite a ride'
Santiago Esparza / The Detroit News

http://cmsimg.detnews.com/apps/pbcsi.dll/bilde?Site=C3&Date=20070607&Category=UPDATE&ArtNo=706070460&Ref=V2Q=100&MaxW=500



In an incident that stunned police, a 21-year-old man did not suffer an injury after his wheelchair was lodged in the grill of a tractor-trailer truck and pushed for about four miles before he was discovered stuck on the truck's front end.
The truck about 4 p.m. Wednesday was pulling out of a gas station parking lot on Red Arrow Highway as the man was passing in front of the truck, Michigan State Police with the Paw Paw Post said.
The handles on the back of the wheelchair became lodged in the truck's grill, without the driver knowing it, said Trooper Kelley Whiting.
After traveling about four miles, and at speeds of 50 mph, the truck pulled into the Ralph Moyle Trucking Co., where the man was discovered stuck in the truck's grill. The driver refused to believe there was a man in a wheelchair stuck in his truck's front end until he saw it himself, troopers said.
The truck is owned by the company. Officials this morning were unavailable for comment.
Numerous motorists who saw the incident called Van Buren County central dispatchers, Whiting said.
"You are not going to believe this, there is a semi-truck pushing a guy in a wheelchair on Red Arrow Highway!" an unidentified caller is quoted as saying in a State Police press release.
Troopers would not identify the driver or the man in the wheelchair, who seemed to take the incident in stride.
"It was quite a ride," troopers said he told them.
Dispatch officials this morning were not available for comment.

Hilarious.

I saw that on the local news this morning, it took place down the street from my wife's parents house.

The best part was the guy had the brake on his wheelchair the whole time, so the treads on the tires were completely bald. Oh, I guess the fact that he wasn't hurt is pretty nice too.

They should ticket him for trying to hitch hike. Lol.

I saw that and I can't help but laugh.

[smilie=wheelchair.:









Never had a chance to use that one before.

I put these on SI, so I thought I'd show off my MS Paint ability, since we're so fond of it here.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v246/waydowntownbang/funride.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v246/waydowntownbang/funride2.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v246/waydowntownbang/funride3.jpg

lol at the last one.

The really weird part is that the guy was in the middle of getting a sex change when this all happened. Here's what he looks like now:

http://www.sweetandpowerful.com/images/products/large/WI-PEPT.l.jpg

The really weird part is that the guy was in the middle of getting a sex change when this all happened. Here's what he looks like now:

http://www.sweetandpowerful.com/images/products/large/WI-PEPT.l.jpg


I don't get it.

They're both wearing red "I'm A Pepper' t-shirts.

The mario cart one is very funny. i'd never think of that.

They're both wearing red "I'm A Pepper' t-shirts.


You know, I finally caught that after the fact. I was reading the paper today and noticed he was wearing the shirt. Good call :)

Okay, this is just disgusting and sad.


Police: Lake Stevens Baby Dies After Pacifier Taped To Face

POSTED: 9:59 am PDT June 19, 2007
UPDATED: 2:41 pm PDT June 19, 2007

LAKE STEVENS, Wash. -- A woman has been arrested in the death of her 4-month-old son after telling authorities she had taped a pacifier to his face to keep the device in his mouth.

Bonnie M. Desmond, 20, of Lake Stevens, was arrested by police in this town east of Everett and booked into the Snohomish County jail Monday night for investigation of first-degree manslaughter, with bail set at $100,000, according to the jail Web site.

An autopsy was scheduled to determine the cause of death.

The woman called 911 about 11:30 a.m. Monday and said her baby was unconscious, but paramedics who rushed to the home she shares with her fiance found the little boy had been dead for hours, Fire District 8 Deputy Chief David Lingenfelter said.

The woman told police and medics that a half-hour earlier she found the infant dead and ripped the pacifier from his face, then called her fiance before notifying authorities, according to documents filed by prosecutors.

Prosecutors wrote that after the mother overheard detectives talking about sudden infant death syndrome, she indicated the pacifier had been taped to the child's mouth to keep the device from falling out.

She was arrested following an interview with detectives, police Cmdr. Dan Lorentzen said.

No other children live in the home, the fiance was not under investigation in the baby's death and both parents have been cooperating with the investigation, Lorentzen said.

Some people are just arrogant, ignorant fucks. I hope she's stuck in jail for a long time.

Bonnie M. Desmond, 20

Whoa guys I think I see the problem here

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v648/Lafftermath/confession.jpg

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070723/ap_on_fe_st/odd_chihuahua_rattlesnake


Tiny dog saves baby from rattlesnake

2 hours, 2 minutes ago

Zoey is a Chihuahua, but when a rattlesnake lunged at her owners' 1-year-old grandson, she was a real bulldog.

Booker West was splashing his hands in a birdbath in his grandparents' northern Colorado back yard when the snake slithered up to the toddler, rattled and struck. Five-pound Zoey jumped in the way and took the bites.

"She got in between Booker and the snake, and that's when I heard her yipe," said Monty Long, the boy's grandfather.

The dog required treatment and for a time it appeared she might not survive. Now she prances about.

"These little bitty dogs, they just don't really get credit," Booker's grandma Denise Long told the Loveland Daily Reporter-Herald.

http://mas.scripps.com/DRMN/2007/07/22/435226309_o.jpg


Fuck a Vick.

Dogs: I don't own one, and never will. But they are the coolest goddam things.

Allergies?

Dogs are the best. My dog has saved my life, or at least my wallet, at least once. Fuck a Vick indeed.

Allergies?

Yes, the usual. Allegic to paying for dog stuff, allergic to stepping in dog shit, allergic to them barking all night, allergic to being jealous that they can lick their own balls.

I was going to say that Zip is "allergic to responsibility", but he beat me to it.

My dog is a 90-lb moose who eats 4 cups of dog food a day. That stuff does add up after a while. And I do have to put up with taking care of the poop, on account of my Y chromosome. But he never barks, and he's a saint around other dogs.

I don't usually let him up on the furniture. And he generally understands that. But last night he did something hilarious: about 1:30am, I've shifted to the middle of the bed to hug my wife, and I'm mostly asleep. The dog, casual as ever, just pulls himself onto the bed and plops down next to me.

"Excuse me, wtf are you doin?" I asked.

Then he laid his head on my stomach and started snoring. I think he was sleepwalking. I let him stay there.

I was going to say that Zip is "allergic to responsibility", but he beat me to it.

No, technically you get the credit, although many would view "responsibility" as meaning the same thing as "stepping in dogshit". However, I did not utter those words.
And yes, avoiding responsibility is of the utmost importance in my life.