DennyMcLain
08-16-2006, 10:51 AM
CHAUNCEY BILLUPS A RAPTOR
Detroit Free Press
(Toronto) All Star Piston guard Chauncey Billups announced today that he will be a Toronto Raptor for the 2006-07 NBA season, a move that threw President of Basketball Operations Joe Dumars into a state of unbridled shock. Apparently, unbeknownst to either he or owner Bill Davidson, Billups and agent Andy Miller had devised what now appears to be a secret offsetting clause in Billups contract which negates any team commitment at the onset of an inciting incident. What that particular "incident" might be is still unclear.
http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/8066/21diz5cey3.jpg
"Drink up and be merry. I'm Chaucey Billups, bitches" (photo courtesy of Reuters)
The details of the arrangement are still unknown, but what is known is Billups sudden distaste for anything Detroit. "I don't drive no Dodge", burbled Billups, a bottle of Molson in hand, "I have no loyalty to Detroit, it's people, or fans of the Detroit Pistons".
About this time, Miller stepped in to clear some details. "Chauncey and I are excited to be a part of a young and dynamic organization with a ton of upside. We look forward and are completely committed to the future success of the Toronto Raptors". As Miller spoke, Billups could be heard muttering words to the sort, according to individuals closest to the superstar, of "Zeke ain't gettin close to my bitch", possibly sheeding some light as to the reason for such a drastic and irrational move. Though no ill will has ever been noted between Billups and Pistons legend Isaiah Thomas, his inclusion at Dumar's upcoming Hall of Fame ceremony, followed by the organization-mandatory striptease fun and gun orgy bash dinner and spectacle, of which all players and their "significant others" must attend, might have been a deciding factor.
"This floors me", commented Free Press columnist Krista Latham via phone. "Chauncey has never expressed any dissatisfaction over neither the Pistons organization nor the city of Detroit. He's always been a model citizen. This is amazing". The conversation was cut short by what sounded like the snapping fingers of her husband, James Jahnke.
Detroit Free Press
(Toronto) All Star Piston guard Chauncey Billups announced today that he will be a Toronto Raptor for the 2006-07 NBA season, a move that threw President of Basketball Operations Joe Dumars into a state of unbridled shock. Apparently, unbeknownst to either he or owner Bill Davidson, Billups and agent Andy Miller had devised what now appears to be a secret offsetting clause in Billups contract which negates any team commitment at the onset of an inciting incident. What that particular "incident" might be is still unclear.
http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/8066/21diz5cey3.jpg
"Drink up and be merry. I'm Chaucey Billups, bitches" (photo courtesy of Reuters)
The details of the arrangement are still unknown, but what is known is Billups sudden distaste for anything Detroit. "I don't drive no Dodge", burbled Billups, a bottle of Molson in hand, "I have no loyalty to Detroit, it's people, or fans of the Detroit Pistons".
About this time, Miller stepped in to clear some details. "Chauncey and I are excited to be a part of a young and dynamic organization with a ton of upside. We look forward and are completely committed to the future success of the Toronto Raptors". As Miller spoke, Billups could be heard muttering words to the sort, according to individuals closest to the superstar, of "Zeke ain't gettin close to my bitch", possibly sheeding some light as to the reason for such a drastic and irrational move. Though no ill will has ever been noted between Billups and Pistons legend Isaiah Thomas, his inclusion at Dumar's upcoming Hall of Fame ceremony, followed by the organization-mandatory striptease fun and gun orgy bash dinner and spectacle, of which all players and their "significant others" must attend, might have been a deciding factor.
"This floors me", commented Free Press columnist Krista Latham via phone. "Chauncey has never expressed any dissatisfaction over neither the Pistons organization nor the city of Detroit. He's always been a model citizen. This is amazing". The conversation was cut short by what sounded like the snapping fingers of her husband, James Jahnke.