If someone wants to ask me questions or wants to know about me then start the thread and I'll answer.

Oh, and I'm still not a fan of this thread - so here I am saying I'm signing on in the signing off thread.

Fuck this thread.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Been gone a week and have to make up for lost time.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

I'll start.

Why the fuckin fuck do you say "fuck" so fucking much?

I'll start.

Why the fuckin fuck do you say "fuck" so fucking much?

Those who can't, say it. Alot.

What other 4 movies round out your top 4 favs of all time?

Does it upset you when somebody mistakens you for a Kiwi?

Denny: Why the fuck do I swear so much?

Cause I have a daughter that is almost 3 and if I actually said fuck as many times as needed she would be walking around the house all day saying fuck!

So I type out all the fucks I've held in all day - which obviously means I type fuck a lot. I spend my working days dealing with the public so you know I wanna smack tons of people everyday.

Can't smack 'em, can't swear at 'em so WTF is my venting place.

Uxka: You assume Pulp Fiction makes the Top 5?

I'll have to get back to you on my official Top 5 but ...

The Shawshank Redemption and The Matrix would be up there.

I should do a list. I haven't ever really thought about it.

Denny - no one mistakes me for a Kiwi.

Never gonna happen cause I don't have the Kiwi accent.

How tall are you? I've always imagined you either a tall angry black man or a short, pudgy redneck.

Uxka: You assume Pulp Fiction makes the Top 5?

I'll have to get back to you on my official Top 5 but ...

The Shawshank Redemption and The Matrix would be up there.

I should do a list. I haven't ever really thought about it.

I never said 5 or made an assumption that Pulp Fiction was in the list. I said 'other 4 of 4'.

Typo FTW! lol

I am 6'5" or 6'4" depending on the day and if my back isn't too fucking bad. I am shrinking - which sounds weird but it's because of my bad back.

We don't have rednecks in Australia.

You guys have 'em though, and a bunch of other people that think they're top shit just cause they live in the USA. Get a fucking clue. Your shitty country is no better than my shitty country.

Your military is more powerful, but who cares? It's not like we're all gonna end up in concentration camps. "They" need us normal folk to do the grunt work.

My bad - I read it as the other 4 of your Top 5.

I still haven't done a list. I will do it. Trust me.

Yeah that's how I meant it... didn't notice the typo til I was wondering what I posted in here haha.

I went through my DVD collection and wrote down 50 movies that I think are under-rated or I liked the concept (maybe they weren't executed to perfection but the idea was good) or I just like/love.

It's a pretty big list so I will organise them into the Under-rated, Concept, Like/Love categories and post them another day. It's pretty late here in Oz and old man Pharaoh has been drinking and is not in the mood to type essays.

Let's dig into Pharaoh's "entertainment" tastes...

a) Do you own the Crocodile Dundee Platinum BluRay box set?

b) What's your favorite Olivia Newton John film? (Xanadu does not count)

c) Is Mel Gibson "your" George Clooney?

d) Did the death of Heath Ledger shake you to the core?

e) Were you a fan of Yahoo Serious before you realized he sucked?

f) Did you see "Australia", and did you think it properly depicted "your" country in a fair light?

A - Hell No! I don't even have them on DVD and I have a ton (likely 400) movies in my collection. Obviously my standards for buying DVDs are low, but not that low

B - Don't have one. Don't like her, never have. Though in that scene in Grease she looks fuckable.

C - Hell No! Technically Mel Gibson is a yank. Now that he's proven to be a fucking idiot we have dropped him as a country.

D - No, but I was a little surprised. After watching The Dark Knight a few times though you can see the dude is gone. That role just took him.

E - Hated him and all movies, tv projects, albums the moron did.

F - Fuck No I haven't seen it. Too long, not a fan of Kidman and there are other movies I'd rather watch.

Agree with you on Nicole Kidman. Her face has been so botoxed, she can't move her eyebrows anymore.

Do you go to Outback Steakhouse like 4 times a week?

Do you drive a Subaru Outback?

Do the toilets in Australia really swirl counter-clockwise? And if so, how does that affect the way you wash your hair?

Have you ever been to Rum Jungle, just South of Darwin?

Bonus question: Are there any churches in the city of Darwin?

Glenn - Hasn't someone asked this before? Whatever - the answer is Fuck No! I have never been to the Outback Steakhouse or even the Outback. I'm sure many yanks think the whole fucking nation is the "outback" but it ain't.

We got cities too down 'ere. We might be upside down but at least it ain't Detroit!

Mo - Who the fuck drives a Subaru? Get a real car already and stop with that shit.

Zip - Never checked the toilet bowl while flushing but if it fucks with the way we wash our hair I'd imagine people would just use the conditioner first

Have you ever been to Rum Jungle, just South of Darwin?

Bonus question: Are there any churches in the city of Darwin?

Never been to Darwin, or to me...

Churches in Darwin? Um, yeah - I'd imagine there would be at least 1?

The Church of Evolution maybe?

People suck - and they're fucking stupid as they:

order tons of shit at McDonald's when they are the car in front of me - the reason you're a fat fuck is cause you order the value meal, and the extra burger, and the apple pie, and the fucking sundae. Get the meal and fuck off

look at the menu for ages inside McDonald's. If you ain't there for breakfast you know what they have - order something already or stand to the side until you've made up your mind. I know what I'm ordering - get outta my way while you read.




Do you have an everyday McDonalds?

Pharaoh:

Is it true that all Australians are necrophiliacs who eat their dead relatives?

Pharaoh:

Is it true that all Australians are necrophiliacs who eat their dead relatives?

It's taken 25 posts for this thread to completely disintegrate.

Comparatively, it took the Pistons 86 games to do the same.

So this thread is doing better? or worse?

Glenn: we McCafe's and normal McDonald's.

You wanna visit?

Do Aussie's put ketchup on French Fries? I heard Euro's like Mayo...they drown'em in that shit.

Zip: it's not true.

I'm guessing their might be tribes in the Outback that do partake in a little sex after death action, and they might even eat their sex partner after it's done but I've never heard about it or seen it reported anywhere.

Maybe the reporter got killed, fucked and eaten?

So this thread is doing better? or worse?

It's getting so much better all the time.

Or not.

The quality of the thread depends on the quality of the questions...

Do Aussie's put ketchup on French Fries? I heard Euro's like Mayo...they drown'em in that shit.

Call it tomato sauce or ketchup it's the same thing.

I hate Mayo.

I don't care much for O.J either

I loved that line in Pulp. "They fuckin drown'em in that shit" I lmao at that.

btw...did I sneak that one past you? Are you slippin?

P, have you ever uttered the words "Put another shrimp on the barby"?

Also, do you like eating Vegemite sandwiches?


Vegemite is made from leftover brewers' yeast extract, a by-product of beer manufacturing, and various vegetable and spice additives. The taste may be described as salty, slightly bitter, and malty — somewhat similar to the taste of beef bouillon. The texture is smooth and sticky, much like peanut butter. It is not as intensely flavoured as British Marmite and it is less sweet than the New Zealand version of Marmite.

Vegemite is popular with many Australians, who commonly consider it a national food and a cultural icon.[2] It can be found in shops around the world, particularly where there are large populations of Australian expatriates. Vegemite has not been successfully marketed in other countries, apart from New Zealand, and has failed to catch on in the United States, despite being owned by US food company Kraft Foods. When seen in the United States, the Vegemite label often does not contain the Kraft logo.

Gee.... I wonder why...?

Do Aussie's put ketchup on French Fries? I heard Euro's like Mayo...they drown'em in that shit.

For the record... if you're in Europe and you get real frites with real mayo, it is the shit.


Anyway... If you're at a bar, and a guy has a croc tooth necklace on, does he stand out or fit in? Are there only Jeep-like vehicles there? Did you like 'Snakes On a Plane'?

Tahoe - not slippin' just busy. Got about 10 windows open at the same time so I'm trying to do the right thing and answer this stuff.

Denny: Yes, I have uttered the phrase "put another shrimp on the bar-b", but not in the way you would think.

A friend and I were out one night, drinking and playing pool. 3 little fuckers wanted to start some shit. I grabbed the first guy and slammed him onto the pool table. My buddy saw what I did and tried to follow suit. The last runt charged as my buddy picked his "foe" up so I just lifted the runt on the run and dropped him on the pool table. I turned to my friend, who finally had his "foe" up on his shoulders and I pointed at the pool table and said: "Put another shrimp on the bar-b"

LMAO - we laughed about that for years.

Vegemite is awesome. I used to eat that shit for breakfast on toast when I ate breakfast. I guess if you grow up on the stuff you don't know how bad it smells and tastes cause it's second nature to you.

UxKa - a dude dressed like that in a club would fit in depending on the location. In a city club (I'm talking the major cities) someone big could get away with it. In a remote place like Darwin or something the dude would probably look around and see other guys dressed just like him.

Some people hunt the crocs for a living, some work at croc farms and some work for the government relocating "dangerous" crocs (aren't they all dangerous?) so I could imagine there are quite a few dudes getting around wearing a croc tooth on a necklace or on a hat or something.

Jeep-like vehicles are not as popular as big ass 4x4's - every mother fucker has a 4 wheel drive. Some have no scratches, no dirt and no sign of ever being off road. But Mum's (not Mom's) love 'em cause you can fit truckloads of kids and stuff in the back and see over everyone.

My fiance's sister has a Kluger and she only has 1 kid and lives in Melbourne. She ain't ever going off road but loves the fact she can see over cars and she feels "safe". Rav 4's are extremely popular and dumbasses feel safe in 'em, despite the fact it's fairly well known that if you T-bone the Rav 4 at regular speeds you can roll 'em.

A friend and I were out one night, drinking and playing pool. 3 little fuckers wanted to start some shit. I grabbed the first guy and slammed him onto the pool table. My buddy saw what I did and tried to follow suit. The last runt charged as my buddy picked his "foe" up so I just lifted the runt on the run and dropped him on the pool table. I turned to my friend, who finally had his "foe" up on his shoulders and I pointed at the pool table and said: "Put another shrimp on the bar-b"


P. You you own a wallet that says "Bad Assed Motherfucker" on it?

No, I don't.

I don't feel the need to advertise the fact.

No, I don't.

I don't feel the need to advertise the fact.


I have a wallet I sent in for from Smithsonian. It has inside it a handy pull out about American history and dinosaurs.

And inside my wallet is a handy pullout picture of me, flipping off Bukdow.

He's supposed to be the smart fucker with the magazine subscription or something, right?

He can sit in his little fucking room and boast about being a smart cunt while reading bullshit magazines that are actually designed to make people like him "feel" superior (cause they can't get that feeling anywhere else)

If they were the type that could win a drinking competition or knew what it feels like to win a fight or what it feels like to fuck a woman then the guy wouldn't be reading some bullshit magazine to make himself feel like a somebody.

And inside my wallet is a handy pullout picture of me, flipping off Bukdow.

He's supposed to be the smart fucker with the magazine subscription or something, right?

The operative term here is "supposed".


He can sit in his little fucking room and boast about being a smart cunt while reading bullshit magazines that are actually designed to make people like him "feel" superior (cause they can't get that feeling anywhere else)

If they were the type that could win a drinking competition or knew what it feels like to win a fight or what it feels like to fuck a woman then the guy wouldn't be reading some bullshit magazine to make himself feel like a somebody.

instant classic. Thank you for starting my day off right, P.

Pharoah,

Why do you hate New Zealand?

Also, do you consider yourself "ballin'" or "Dad type"?

GD, you really wanna know why we hate New Zealand?

Deep down inside the answer is:

Cause they're the lazy fuckers that come over to Australia and want to live here. Fuck off back to your shitty country - you're a burden on our heath system, our workforce, our schools and our happiness.

We don't need your stupid asses here. We don't want to teach your dumbasses to play cricket or rugby league. We want to smash you in those sports to show how fucking pathetic you are.

We don't do it to feel superior - we already know we are. We want to smash you to show the world how fucked you are.

Isn't that how you feel about Canadians and Mexicans?

Also, do you consider yourself "ballin'" or "Dad type"?

Please explain...

I don't usually go to the "Off topic board and I haven't read the thread.

Educate me.

And Denny - I'm always pleased to know I made somebody's day better.

Thanks for letting me know

Pharoah,

Why do you hate New Zealand?

Been watching FoTC I see.

What's FOTC?

Fuckwits On This Continent?

GD, you really wanna know why we hate New Zealand?

Deep down inside the answer is:

Cause they're the lazy fuckers that come over to Australia and want to live here. Fuck off back to your shitty country - you're a burden on our heath system, our workforce, our schools and our happiness.

We don't need your stupid asses here. We don't want to teach your dumbasses to play cricket or rugby league. We want to smash you in those sports to show how fucking pathetic you are.

We don't do it to feel superior - we already know we are. We want to smash you to show the world how fucked you are.

Isn't that how you feel about Canadians and Mexicans?

New Zealand is "your" Mexico. I suppose everybody needs a MexicanType in their life, ay?

Also, would you ever consider changing your av to this:

http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/4_22_02/blake.jpg

Fuck No!

A long, long time ago No Quarter graced me with my av and my sig.

I will never, ever EVER change it. It's not everyday someone with his kind of talent comes along and gives you a gift. Every time I see the av and sig I am reminded about Q and it makes me happy.

I haven't seen him since my return and hope that nothing bad happened to him or his girl. I was gonna ask Mola but he never seems to be on either. Was gonna ask Glenn but he's always too busy not working (I caught ya again not working, didn't I GD?) and posting other stuff.

Q, if you're out there - what the fuck are you up to now?

Fuck No!

A long, long time ago No Quarter graced me with my av and my sig.

I will never, ever EVER change it. It's not everyday someone with his kind of talent comes along and gives you a gift. Every time I see the av and sig I am reminded about Q and it makes me happy.

I haven't seen him since my return and hope that nothing bad happened to him or his girl. I was gonna ask Mola but he never seems to be on either. Was gonna ask Glenn but he's always too busy not working (I caught ya again not working, didn't I GD?) and posting other stuff.

Q, if you're out there - what the fuck are you up to now?

Both NQ and Elektra are all good.

You wouldn't even consider this one?...

http://www.hairweb.org/images-stars/samuel-l-jackson.jpg

Fuck No! What is that shit?

And never, ever EVER means never, ever EVER.

I ain't Ric Flair - gonna retire and claim I want it and then 13 months later you'll hear about me texting Vince McMahon and asking if they want me back in the ring.

Never, ever EVER!

No, I don't.

I don't feel the need to advertise the fact.

This reply by itself puts this thread into the upper stratosphere of all time great message board threads.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_25OvsirIxJg/SdLtyxzhN3I/AAAAAAAAALk/xHULVdBizrk/s400/Octavio-11464-Funny-images-music-Entertainment-ppt-powerpoint-118_88.jpg

P - Girls with an Aussie accent magnify their hotness by at least 10x. Do girls with American accents make you want to cut off your ears? Can you tell the difference between the hundreds of American accents?

I can tell the difference between a chick from the South and a chick from LA and a chick from NY.

The chicks from the South is usually blonde, have big tits and are as dumb as dog shit.

The chicks from LA are usually plastic bitches that for some reason carry around some type of shrunken dog in a little bag. I guess it's in case they get horny - cause these bitches are too skinny for any man to fuck and I assume they would fuck the dog... who knows?

The chicks from NY usually wear some weird designer clothes, usually a name I've never heard like foop, or yag or gaf. It's odd...

Do these chicks make me wanna cut off my ears? Fuck No - I like my ears. I wouldn't mind cutting off some of their heads, though. It's obvious some of the chicks aren't using their's.

And Zip - thanks for gracing my thread. You are a gentlemen and a scholar.

Or some kind of freaky fucker that likes to post weird pictures that are completely unrelated to anything in the thread...

I can tell the difference between a chick from the South and a chick from LA and a chick from NY.

The chicks from the South is usually blonde, have big tits and are as dumb as dog shit.

The chicks from LA are usually plastic bitches that for some reason carry around some type of shrunken dog in a little bag. I guess it's in case they get horny - cause these bitches are too skinny for any man to fuck and I assume they would fuck the dog... who knows?

The chicks from NY usually wear some weird designer clothes, usually a name I've never heard like foop, or yag or gaf. It's odd...

Do these chicks make me wanna cut off my ears? Fuck No - I like my ears. I wouldn't mind cutting off some of their heads, though. It's obvious some of the chicks aren't using their's.

And Zip - thanks for gracing my thread. You are a gentlemen and a scholar.

Or some kind of freaky fucker that likes to post weird pictures that are completely unrelated to anything in the thread...

You forgot the Yoga part... and the cell phone part... and the Ugg boots part... and the "damaged goods" part...

See, the key to L.A. chicks is, ya gotta get to them BEFORE they "become" L.A. chicks. FOB/FOP (Fresh Off the Boat, Fresh Off the Plane).

Pharaoh: I am going to intercept Motwon here and say that chicks with Australian accents lose about 62% of their femininity in my view. It's a pretty ugly accent that only guys should have.
Now the British accent on a woman--that's sexy. But do Aussies have better teeth than the British?

http://bitcast-a.v1.dfw1.bitgravity.com/break/dnet/media/2008/11/89%20Gratuitous%20Groping.jpg

lol

I agree about the Aussie accent. No offense P but a girl saying "Crickey" doesn't turn me on.

58 package check?

P, was this site pretty much started as a Piston's site?

lol

I agree about the Aussie accent. No offense P but a girl saying "Crickey" doesn't turn me on.
C'mon!!! What man WOULDN'T want a woman who can wrestle a Crocodile???

Zip - I could see where the accent sounds like shit to you, but that's cause you've adjusted to listeing to the way US chicks speak. Granted you guys have more accents but you're still used to them.

I have no problem with the way our chicks speak (espcially when they have my cock in their mouth)

And yes, women in Australia, or the Congo have better teeth than a British woman. I have no fucking idea what the fuck is going on the UK. Their chicks have had the ugliest fucking teeth for a long time. Put fluride in the fucking water already.

Fool - Crikey isn't an everyday term. It's not like fuckers are walking around going "Crikey - they opened a new shop there" or "Crikey, I need to take a shit". It's like "Shrimp on the Bar-B" - rarely, if ever used.

Tahoe - What the fuck is that? 58 package check? It's so out of the blue I can't even come up with some smart, witty remark to trash it.

And one more time, with feeling, for the Toaster with Most Posts:

History of What The Fuck (you guys can call it what you like) birth according to Pharaoh for Tahoe:

Fuck Yes! WTF was founded as a basketball website! This site was born out of a desire for freedom from fucktards that reigned down on us like cruise fucking missles at Real GM. Those fuckers refused to treat Piston fans with the same type of "we didn't see that shit" attitude they gave Raptor fans, Laker fans or Pacer fans.

I admit it - Part of the problem was our Mods (Grizz, Chris, Me, Big Ben's Fro and Jethro at the end) were happy to let shit slide on our forum. What we didn't know was that Pacer Mods were not that way inclined. They were hardcore cocksmokers and loved the power of suspending or banning fuckers.

The whole thing went BOOM! and I can't remember the year. It might have been before the brawl, or after it but either way shit hit the fan and the Powers That Sucked gave many of your fellow Piston fans the old "Get the Fuck Out Now" card.

Needless to say many were stunned. Many were pissed. But only 1 actively used his position on Real GM to recruit members for WTF!!!

See, back then, like today (I imagine?) only Mods had the power to PM peeps. Regular lowly posters couldn't PM each other. (Why? Who knows? Those cunts were fucked) So it was impossible for Mola or Glenn to PM a lot of other posters and recruit them.

But 1 Mod had the balls to do the deed that needed to be done. Only 1 Mod didn't give a fuck. You know how some cats are like "Yo, man - I don't give a fuck"? There's them cats and then there's other guys who really, truely "don't give a fuck!"

Who was this legendary Mod? Me, you forgetful fucks! That's right, the great calmness that resides in my cranium hatched a plan to render the Pistons forum at Real GM vacant like the space between bukdow's ears.

The Great One sent forth many PM's, to old posters and new, to regulars and those sometimes forgotten (like Train Wreck and B-diddy). And so it was foretold in the scriptures that WTF would be built and they would come, and come hard.

And come they did. The Great Mod was so proud of the vital role he played in the building of the membership that he stupidly posted about using the Real GM PM system against the Powers That Sucked! Dumbass Move!

And naturally the Powers That Sucked were trolling our brilliant site and saw said post and quickly removed the legandary Pharaoh of his rightful Mod powers. According to the Powers That Sucked Pharaoh had committed the ultimate crime against Real GM - he told people to visit another message board!

Shock! Horror!

Fucking Awe inspiring!

It was a crime so great that the Powers That Be actively recuited other Mods from the other boards and these Mods, some of whom Pharaoh had never heard of, proceeded to try to lay the Smackdown on the Great One, expecting...

Who the fuck cares what they expected? Who the fuck knows? Those cunts tried to smash me on the forum because I had stood up for our fellow Piston fans and told Piston fans to bail on a shitty fucking website that restricts anything and everything they deem "against the Real GM interest".

I didn't sign up for that shit. I signed up to talk about basketball you crazy fucks. Fuck you and the forums you run.

I proceeded to fight the good fight and told them all to fuck off in no uncertain terms (are there certain terms?). I hung around and tried to get Grizz to use the PM system to recruit more people since he and I were tighter than a nun's cunt but he wouldn't do it. Eventually I told him I couldn't post at both forums and left Real GM behind, like a shit at a truck stop.

But before I vacated the premises I typed an EPIC fucking goodbye, referencing The Matrix (which was my favourite movie at the time) and told Grizz that he always had a place at my table.

Some of your fellow fans mocked my goodbye, claiming I took shit too seriously. Well, fuck those cunts. I gave up time with my fiance, who was seriously ill at the time to post and Mod that fucking forum. I didn't have to be there. I choose to be there. Respect that shit and treat people "the right way".

And that statement about Grizz only ever applied to him, and later to my man JS. Sorry to everyone else I know and love and post with, but with them 2 it was and is different. Not everyone can enter The Kingdom of Pharaoh.

I do take this shit seriously (most of the time). And why shouldn't I? I give up time with my fiance and my 2 kids to post on here. If you can't respect that or understand it then I could probably sell you a box of rocks

Damn, this is long. So, um yeah - that's my story Tahoe.

Denny - if a woman can wrestle a croc and win I don't wanna fuck her. She would kick your ass every fucking night.

And likely one day she might want to fuck your ass.

Not a road worth I wanna travel, my friend. Not at all.

Pharaoh:

Isn't it more appropriate to say that your finace and kids take time away from you being able to post more? Geez, as if there aren't already enough reasons to get a vasectome when a guy turns 12.

Pharaoh:

Isn't it more appropriate to say that your finace and kids take time away from you being able to post more? Geez, as if there aren't already enough reasons to get a vasectome when a guy turns 12.

Belongs in the Aks Bukdow thread.

Sorry.

Pharaoh:

Isn't it more appropriate to say that your finace and kids take time away from you being able to post more? Geez, as if there aren't already enough reasons to get a vasectome when a guy turns 12.

You're just jealous Zip - I got a great chick and 2 kids and shock horror I am happy with my life. Maybe shit didn't work out for you but that's on you, man. Don't push it on to others.

And since you brought it up:

Yes, the topic of vasectome has been spoken about in my house.

Undecided at this time.

You're just jealous Zip - I got a great chick and 2 kids and shock horror I am happy with my life. Maybe shit didn't work out for you but that's on you, man. Don't push it on to others.

And since you brought it up:

Yes, the topic of vasectome has been spoken about in my house.

Undecided at this time.

P, are you confusing "vasectome" with "Vaseline"?

They don't hurt and their less dangerous. Plus you can have sex quicker afterward.

You're just jealous Zip - I got a great chick and 2 kids and shock horror I am happy with my life. Maybe shit didn't work out for you but that's on you, man. Don't push it on to others.

Oh shit. That's a Swiss Cheese post. How long you been, uh, married? Are your kids 13 yet? You're happy now, fucking A EVERYBODY'S happy at first. Call me in 20 years. Call me the first time you frig another chick. Or she frigs another dude. We'll see.

No Denny, I'm not confusing vasectome and vaseline.

What male alive today would confuse the two?

I heard that too Fool - or have you had it done?

Apparently it's a 1 day thing! That's pretty good.

That beats me taking 6 weeks off work to stay at home and do everything while my fiance recovers from having her tubes tied.

Oh shit. That's a Swiss Cheese post. How long you been, uh, married? Are your kids 13 yet? You're happy now, fucking A EVERYBODY'S happy at first. Call me in 20 years. Call me the first time you frig another chick. Or she frigs another dude. We'll see.

I have been with my fiance for 9 years. She doesn't want to get married so it doesn't bother me. We've survived a ton of shit, including me and another girl, her illness that damn near killed her and we're still together.

Maybe you should just poor your heart out and tell us all how it feels to catch your woman screwing another guy. I know you're hurt by it. It's in every post you make.

That's cool though - express it. Otherwise you're gonna die a lonely bitter man and who is gonna scatter your ashes? The priest? Fuck that.

Oh, I should clarify that I did not cheat on my fiance. It was when we first got together and she didn't wanna rush into anything so it was "casual". I went out and fucked some other chick for a week!

Technically I was single. "Casual" doesn't mean exclusive. Anyway, I dumped the other chick and got with the woman who has since become my fiance.

To this day my fiance swears that I cheated on her.

No! Didn't happen! Casual means casual.

There was another situation where a chick kissed me, but I didn't ask for it or return it or even care. So again, technically speaking I didn't cheat.

Is kissing cheating? According to chicks it is. But I didn't kiss the chick - she kissed me. Not my fault. Can't hold that against me (but she does)

Pharaoh:

Actually, I really don't care about women fucking around or "cheating" on me. Can't say it's happened with either of my two wives (they'd NEVER tell--that's women. They're bigger liars than men)--but girlfriends have done it, and it never bothered me. Epsecially one chick who I dated for about 5 years. I told her I didn't want to get married, so she let on that she'd be "out there" dating other men and stuff. She used to leave condom wrappers around her place all the time. I was thrilled that she was using protection. Plus, it was kind of hot. Made for good pillow talk.

In fact, I'mn separated right now and have been for about seven months. I suspect my "wife" is seeing someone--but that won't have any bearing on whether we get back together on my part. I just have to figure people is people--not much you can do about it.

I'm actually more bitter about marriage in general--what it seems to turn people into. Boring and frustrated. It's a sham, really. And kids? They're the worst part of it all. Most of 'em are assholes. I should have got this vasectome as a high school graduation present. But thank Gourd I can't have anymore (and the world thanks me too). Believe it or not, I run into people my age (40s) who still think it'd be neat to have another kid if they get re-married or find another "special" someone to settle down with. BARF says I.

It's "vasectomy", not "vasectome".

Thanks Gl'enn!

Why are you thanking me?

Why are you thanking me?

Thank you Gl'enn.

No, thank YOU, Gl'enn!

Thx glen.

You bet.

So Pharaoh, does it bother you that that the only person getting thanks in the "AKS PHARAOH" thread isn't Pharaoh?

Not as much as the player in your sig posing like he knows how to run an offense in that picture.

Not as much as the player in your sig posing like he knows how to run an offense in that picture.

LOL.

Thanks Chris.

I think the Av is more appropriate. He looks like he can't decide whether to jack a three or drive to the hoop recklessly, but it's clear passing isn't on his mind.

Well Zip, I agree that marriage is fucked. Which is why I found a chick that doesn't wanna get married. It's just a piece of paper. If you wanna be with someone then be with that person. You don't need to have a fucking ceremony.

And as for having MORE kids? Fuck No! I got a girl and a boy so I'm happy.

And GD - why would I be unhappy about you getting "thanks"? For all your hard work and effort there should be a Glenn Appreciation thread where once a day we all post thanks to the great GD.

But since that thread doesn't exist I'm happy for you to get your praises here in my thread, cause that's the kind of guy I am.

P, you do thank Gl'enn every night before you go to bed?

Fuck No!

10 minutes before I go to bed I'm probably on here though - so I do get to read his fine work before I shut my eyes.

Is that close enough?

Yeah, but do you jerk your pud before bedtime? Is that allowed in Australia? Or does having a language that has the word "crickey" or "G'day" in it mean that there is no such thing as whacking off there, becuase it's considered "faggy"?

Yeah, but do you jerk your pud before bedtime? Is that allowed in Australia? Or does having a language that has the word "crickey" or "G'day" in it mean that there is no such thing as whacking off there, becuase it's considered "faggy"?

Drunk people are funny, but to answer your questions:

I do not jerk off before bedtime. I don't have the energy lol

Despite our butchering of the English language whacking off is "allowed".

He has to do it with the opposite hand, though.

He has to do it with the opposite hand, though.

Well "played".

thx glen

thx glen

Seconded.

I LOVE THIS PLACE

Which hand is the "opposite" Glenn?

The opposite of whichever one you would use if you were visiting the U.S. ?

lmao

Thanks Gl'enn.

And which hand do you use in the USA?

I heard that too Fool - or have you had it done?

Apparently it's a 1 day thing! That's pretty good.

That beats me taking 6 weeks off work to stay at home and do everything while my fiance recovers from having her tubes tied.

Just saw this.

My brother had it done. He said the only thing is getting over having people stare at your package. That actual "surgery" is nothing.

Why are people looking at his package?

I've been told the swelling goes away after a day or so.

Or do you mean people look "down there" when he tells them the story?

And if they always look "down there" when he tells the story why doesn't he simply stop telling the story?

Aks Pharaoh has been pre-empted for an episode of Aks Fool

There isn't really even any swelling. You just take a day off from work. Man, the only thing easier was Lasic surgery. I feel like a new man. I can see my cock in the morning (or before bedtime) when I'm jerking off WITHOUT glasses or contacts--and in the odd time or two I might bang a chick I can watch my cock going in and out of her with the complete joy of knowing I won't get her knocked up.

LMAO - gotta love Zip's contributions.

I don't say this often but:

You really need to post more.

Why are people looking at his package?

I've been told the swelling goes away after a day or so.

Or do you mean people look "down there" when he tells them the story?

And if they always look "down there" when he tells the story why doesn't he simply stop telling the story?

Aks Pharaoh has been pre-empted for an episode of Aks Fool

The doctor doing the surgery. The doctor looked at his package.

Dude's a doctor - that's allowed.

Under no other circumstance can a dude look at your package. If you catch a dude looking at your package you are allowed to call him on it and you get a free shot at his head or gut.

That's the rule, right?

I caught a guy looking at my package once and he told me that was the rule.

So I smashed him in the head. He looked again. So I hit him in the gut. He looked a third time...

So I kicked his fucking teeth down his throat.

He thanked me for it. Said it would make him a better cocksucker or something like that ...

I really couldn't understand him with all the teeth falling out.

^True story.

I eventually got the teeth replaced, though.

^True story.

I eventually got the teeth replaced, though.

Anower sowid conkwibushion.

Sanks, Gwenn.

No teeth, no T's or L's.

That's the difference between me and Pharaoh. Whenever he stares at my package I really don't mind . . . . .

That's the difference between me and Pharaoh. Whenever he stares at my package I really don't mind . . . . .

P, are there goats in Australia, and what are your thoughts about them?

^True story.

I eventually got the teeth replaced, though.

Thats funny. Gl'enn is nomally informative while sometimes being wrong, but that is funny.

P, are there goats in Australia, and what are your thoughts about them?

Ooh yeah, suckit baby! WHO'S your daddy?!

Ooh yeah, suckit baby! WHO'S your daddy?!
How's that bottle of Thunderbird coming, Zip?

No sir. I own a more discriminating taste. Only Thunderbird ESQ for me, asshat!

Glenn - that's the funniest thing you've posted in 8 years.

Denny - yeah there are goats in the Land of Oz. What do I think of them? They're goats - I don't think about 'em.

Giffman - where the fuck did/do you disappear to?

Hey Denny, why don't you go fuck yourself in the ass with a goat?

LO(hiccup)L

This thread is phenomenal.

The exchange between Zip and Pharaoh on the subject of kids and marriage was classic.

This thread is a classic. I lol'd a lot re-reading this shit.

And I have an update: After claiming I didn't want more kids cause I had a boy and a girl I should take this opportunity to announce that my fiance and I are expecting our 3rd child in late December/early January.

I hope we have a boy cause my son was one year old in August so they'd be closer in age PLUS I'd get another bodyguard for the girl.

SUPERSPERM

Also congrats

So if I have this straight, about once a year, the Pharaoh submerges into a secret love cave, not to be seen or heard from until months/years later, when he has successfully procreated.
This process repeats itself until...?

What is he, a bear or something?

So if I have this straight, about once a year, the Pharaoh submerges into a secret love cave, not to be seen or heard from until months/years later, when he has successfully procreated.
This process repeats itself until...?

my people out number the remaining population of this planet.

I told all y'all that people were stupid, that people sucked and that I'd had enough and was gonna go and make my own people.

And so I have.

And I guarantee you one thing: if I was a bear my fiance's Dad woulda shot me long ago. They used to shoot kangaroos for a living. Taking out a slow ass bear wouldn't be too hard considering how fast kangaroos move.

Favorite wrestler ever?

Don't really have an "all-time" favourite.

I used to love watching the guys who could actually put on a great match. Guys like Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Shawn Michaels and Chris Jericho. Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle are 2 more that can make it look "legit".

Flair and Bret Hart are supposed to be up there with those guys but I found most of their matches look similar. Hart's comeback in particular is pretty much the same every single time.

High flyers like Rey Mysterio and to some extent AJ Styles have too many "spots". I appreciate the effort that goes into the flying stuff, it's just that if the spots aren't timed perfectly you end up having the opponent kind of standing around waiting for the flyer to hit something. It takes me out of the moment and makes it look fake.

I know it's fake - just don't make it fucking obvious to me during the "fight".

I find it hard to watch now, not because most of the guys I love are dead or retired but because the matches are too scripted. The ones that aren't, like Jericho v Christian from ECW a couple of weeks ago or Michaels v Undertaker from Mania are usually stellar.

WWE has Shelton Benjamin, John Morrison and CM Punk that could make the list if used "right". As if I know what using them right would be - it's hard to write a dude's career for him.

Which is the problem WWE has now - they script EVERYTHING. That's why it all feels the same, blends in and nothing is different. During the boom period of Austin, Rock, Foley, NWO, Goldberg etc the entire show (promo, segments, matches) wasn't scripted like a movie.

Now it is.

I'm guessing people notice the difference, hence the low ratings and buy rates. It's not because it's fake. It was fake during the boom period. It's because the suspension of disbelief is gone. The "reality" factor is gone. It's cause nothing is "surprising" anymore.

And Eric Bischoff is about to change it up one more time now that Hulk Hogan and "Easy E" are going to be in TNA. His entire deal is you gotta be "better than, different than or you appear less than" your competition.

Time will tell what they can do in TNA.

Do you like The Bushwackers?

Wait, you're from New Zealand right?

From Australia, dude.

And the Bushwhackers? The fact they are known for that part of their careers is a real shame.

They were originally the Sheepherders. They had some violent fucking matches back in the day, before Vince McMahon gave them big money to jump ship and turned them into comedy relief

I'm going to become a pro wrestler and end all of my promos with, "And I meant that with all due respect." Think it'd get over?