I'm thinking of creating a new award that hands out awards to the worst coaches in professional or collegiate sports. So far I've determined that it will be called the Golden Dong award (aka "the gilded dildo").

When I say the worst coaches, I mean coaches who by all rights should have a good record, but instead they do not, and it's specifically because they fail at the coaching.

I suppose there can be different categories, but there does have to be an overall winner. I am accepting nominees in this thread.

I say we make this a tournament - similar to the tournament of cool. 32 to 64 coaches, 4 regions.

I need clarification, do they need to be currently employed? (i.e. active coaches only?)

Romeo Crenel's pretty bad. Dusty Baker. Rod Marinelli.

I need clarification, do they need to be currently employed? (i.e. active coaches only?)
I think it should be a yearly event, so I think they need to have been employed in the last year.

EDIT: I see where you're going with this and I would consider handing out a Lifetime Achievement Dong.

I'm thinking about mainly NFL coaches, NHL coaches, NBA coaches, NCAA football & basketball coaches. Oh, and MLB managers too.

If we're going to start with nominations, I wouldn't feel right without nominating Barry Melrose first. We all knew he wasn't going to make it as a coach again, but to get canned after 14 games is just awesome.

Any coach of the Raiders would have to qualify, I would think.

http://assets.espn.go.com/i/magazine/new/magic_johnson_coach.jpg

Any coach of the Raiders would have to qualify, I would think.
See, I'm going to have to speak out against this. The teams suck specifically because the coaching situation is untenable, and that's because of Al Davis. He's not a coach. The coaches, poor saps, can't be held responsible for that.

He hires unqualified, cheap coaches.

Some of the worst coaches in sports, some might say.

The fact that they agree to work for Al Davis throws their judgment into question even more.

He hires unqualified, cheap coaches.

Some of the worst coaches in sports, some might say.

The fact that they agree to work for Al Davis throws their judgment into question even more.
Maybe so, but we're talking about a team that, with a better head coach, wouldn't be any different.

And Davis never lets his coaches have any time to prove whether they suck or not.

And Davis never lets his coaches have any time to prove whether they suck or not.
Exactly. Al Davis hires coaches like I eat potato chips.

bad coaches

but I concede to the rulemaster

Anyone Joe D fires? I'm testing the boundaries.

Dave Wannstedt

Romeo Crenel's pretty bad. Dusty Baker. Rod Marinelli.
* Romeo Crenel: He's not really all that bad. You think that team would do a lot better with a better coach?
* Dusty Baker: This is a very good choice. I've always hated that guy since he got hired for the Cubs. He may not necessarily be the least effective manager out there, but he may well be the most technically incompetent.
* Rod Marinelli has a lot of potential (as a Golden Dong winner, not as a coach).

Potential award (NSFW) (http://www.theadulttoyshoppe.com/pic2/dildo-1-DJ0974.jpg)

If we're going to start with nominations, I wouldn't feel right without nominating Barry Melrose first. We all knew he wasn't going to make it as a coach again, but to get canned after 14 games is just awesome.
Very good choice. That guy definitely earned his shame.

Crenel fails at the most basic clock management in football. If you can't get that right, how can your team have any confidence in you?

Dave Wannstedt
I'm fascinated by this guy. It's so hard to tell if he freaked the fuck out under all the pressure and had some kind of mental breakdown, or if he just was never that smart to begin with. Either way, he sucks pretty bad.

Crenel fails at the most basic clock management in football. If you can't get that right, how can your team have any confidence in you?
Fair enough. It becomes an avalanche of fail if your mistakes make your players question your competence.

I haven't seen a name mentioned that holds a candle to Melrose.

Melrose was only two games under .500 when he was fired, right?

I'm guessing that his firing was more of a personality conflict thing than a poor coaching thing (although those are somewhat related, I guess).

Keep in mind two games under .500 in hockey is not the same as two games under .500 in basketball. Plus that team was underachieving like crazy. I still expected them to make the playoffs.

I wonder how quickly NHL2night will pick Barry back up. You know they have to be ripping him like crazy over there.

Keep in mind two games under .500 in hockey is not the same as two games under .500 in basketball. Plus that team was underachieving like crazy. I still expected them to make the playoffs.


Please 'splain.

Don't they both play about the same number of games? Aren't the qualifications for making the playoffs similar?

Enlighten me.

Tamba Bay's new ownership is loony. Ask Fraserburn.

Yes, but bad teams can find a way to win much more often in hockey. There are lucky bounces, bad goals and different scenarios that help teams win/lose. Good teams will win more games than they lose, but even the worst teams will luck a good amount of games out.

NBA Best/Worst Records:
1. Lakers 7-1
2. Boston 9-2
3. Cleveland 8-2
4. Orlando 7-3
5. Detroit 7-3

26. Memphis 3-7
27. Washington 1-7
28. Minnesota 1-8
29. Clippers 1-9
30. OKC 1-10

NHL Best/Worst Records:
1. San Jose 16-3-1
2. NY Rangers 14-5-2
3. Detroit 12-2-3
4. Boston 11-3-4
5. Pittsburgh 11-4-2

26. Dallas 6-8-3
27. Tampa Bay 5-7-5
28. Ottowa 6-9-3
29. St. Louis 6-8-2
30. Florida 6-9-1

Not to mention if a goalie gets hot, he can win a couple of games by himself.

Norv Turner.

First, I'd never hire a man who goes by the name "Norv".

Second, the dude has a track record of mediocrity.

Third, the Chargers have one of the most talented teams in the league, and they're constantly being outsmarted and outplayed. Hell, they might not even make the playoffs this year.


Almost-Ran Also-Ran: If this thread had been two weeks older, I'd have said Ty Willingham. But, he gone, so fuck it.

http://blog.mlive.com/wolverines_stories/2007/12/large_071216-rich-rodriguez-thumbsup.jpg

Mike Dunleavy has been a failure with some pretty talented teams and is still employed.

If reaching out to people who had jobs far longer than they should have, you've gotta love Isiah for a candidate.

NBA:
Laurance Frank
Scott Skiles
Mike Dunleavy
Mike Brown
Doc Rivers (I swear Scalabrine does the coaching)

NHL:
Barry Melrose
Mark Crawford

NFL:
Marinelli
Norv Turner
Wade Phillips
Romeo Crennel (even years only)

MLB:
Dusty Baker
Bud Black

College:
Rich Rodriguez
Rich Rodriguez
Rich Rodrigues
John L Smith (he needed a mention even though he's not coaching anymore)

Petrino, Spurrier in the pros


Mora Jr with the falcons on a cell phone in OT cause he wasn't sure what playing for a tie would do to his playoff chances

Petriino...theres a good one. He also belongs in the things that suck and douche bag thread.

NBA:
Laurance Frank
Scott Skiles
Wait, those are different guys? I always assumed it was one guy going under different aliases.

Mike Brown
I swear, even those filthy Clevelandites hate Mike Brown.

Doc Rivers (I swear Scalabrine does the coaching)
Maybe so, but I don't know how much different that team is with a different coach. He may not be particularly good, but he doesn't have to be.

NFL:
Marinelli
Can there really be any doubt at this point?

College:
Rich Rodriguez
The backlash is becoming a tidal wave. This guy is amazing. This guy walks into a program that should be at least good, and manages to make a joke out of it. I don't know if I told any of you all, but I knew this year was going to be a disaster for Michigan because of him, and I'm filling my friends' ears full of "I told you so" every day of the week.

Hammer

Tommy Amaker?

Hell, if he qualifies, Brian Ellerbe?

How has this thread gone on for 4 pages and no one has talked about Charlie Weis yet?

Jim Zorn.

GlennDanzig. WTFDetroit has gone into the shitter since he took over day-to-day operations from Hall of Famer Mola1.

{edit} Though Glenn's stable of players were all previously recruited by mola1