Piss on my leg.

Shoop da whoop!

Cut my toenails.

Shoop da whoop!

Hahaha, I see what you did there.

Mountain Man Dump

Gotta stop drinking chocolate milk before work.

dropped the kids off at the pool

fuck you

Dairy Queen soft serve.

"Old El Paso"

Logs 'n mush

shower time

Merlot Blow

Relieved of my doodie.

wash that morning breath out of my mouth

Brushed my teef.

Now, if only I could start caring enough to shower every day...

"someone just destroyed this place"

machine gun fight

Not since close encounters (http://fusionanomaly.net/closeencountersmashedpotatoes.jpg) has a man made so great a mountain.

brown paint brush.

Why do I read this thread?

brown paint brush.

Don't forget the ®!!!!!!!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

kinda greasy

tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow ...

Thar she blows!

a painful experience

load

load

Counting fail.

We would have accepted "big load".

Now there's a set up for you...

Fatality bonus

Thoroughly exhilarating.

"quick and clean"

I don't get how some people can make a day out of camping out on the shitter. I don't think it's ever taken me more than 3-4 minutes to purge. Some dude in the office has been in there for 20+ minutes.

(I know this because I was washing my hands when he came in 20 mins ago and I just went in to go myself and I saw his stupid ass white dock shoes under the door when I was choosing which stall to use.)

Some people kill time at work with shitting.

I agree though, it usually takes me no more than 3 or 4 mins unless there's trouble.

Eh, I'm a 10-15 minute guy. I need to find my zen (jokes comparing "zen" with "wang" will be ignored.)

Some people kill time at work with shitting.


So in my world, WTF= shitting.

Goin' down down, down down...

Eh, I'm a 10-15 minute guy. I need to find my zen (jokes comparing "zen" with "wang" will be ignored.)
I am as well. Anything quicker than that just seems like you're forcing it out. I go in, find my comfort zone, relax, and take care of business.

I prefer them quick and explosive. If I'm in there for 10 minutes, I am not eating enough fruit.

Well I'm a once-a-day shitter, so it usually goes quick and without fuss.

To rush a bowel movement is to miss out on one of life's great simple pleasures. Take a six pack, a couple newspapers, a good novel and a cigar in there and settle in for the day.

Then, seeing what you have wrought, go forth empty of stool and full of pride.

Cannonball Run!

Long overdue.

Like pudding from a fire hose.

-my pee smells like Honey Smacks

"Use the force, Luke!"

-my pee smells like Honey Smacks

...and again

Must have been something in the coffee this morning that has turned my urine into sweet bladder nectar.

Sparty

There is nothing like taking a dump with the bathroom door open while nobody's home.

There is nothing like taking a dump with the bathroom door open while nobody's home.

Don't own pets eh?

The neighbors do not.

iIuTnBsTH8g

pushed so hard my spine cracked

can't remember that happening before

pushed so hard my spine cracked

can't remember that happening before

Saves on Chiropractic bills, eh?

Lay off the fiber and water, and save $$$

Got a piece of ass...

Got a piece of ass...

What was his name?

What was his name?


http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/8849/746938-troll_web_copy_super.gif

"The Burning Spear: Tales from the office bathroom, the day after eating Taco Bell"

I was cast adrift in the swimming sea.
The Porcelain Goddess, she called to me.
Coaxed into her lap of luxury.
The dark things flushed, no more to be.

^ Now we need a Turd Haiku thread.

Turd haiku thread here
Muse about your brown lovely
World change happens here

My healthy color
Is probably not purple
Or reddish-orange

Orange: two syllables?
That is not how I say it.
"Ornge" = one syllable.

Someone's been shitting too many carrots.

Alert EPA
Bring guys in protective suits
Something's wrong with me

Man, I just sharted
At least I was on the throne
MSU football

Ever have to take a piss while you're shitting?

I do it all the time.

God that felt good.

A shit and a piss?
Truly, madly, deeply, YES!
Relief is at hand!

Impending movement
Peeing relieves the pressure
Seal it with a poot

That kind of a day

Got the dreaded poopfinger

Fucking cheap T.P.

That kind of a day

Got the dreaded poopfinger

Fucking cheap T.P.

Once you remind yourself that it's your shit, it's no big deal.

That kind of a day

Got the dreaded poopfinger

Fucking cheap T.P.

That's not very dad-type of you. Once you're a parent you should be like that's no biggie, wipe it on your pants, and move on.

That kind of a day

Got the dreaded poopfinger

Fucking cheap T.P.
Glan got poopfinger

He'll punch the next guy who says

"Make it a great day"

"Oh no, not again"

Calgon, take me awayyyyy...

I'm now 6 lbs lighter...

I peed.

Is there anything I do that isn't half assed?

Talking about shaving, btw.

You poop with one cheek on the seat?

Really bad day at the office.

No blood this time.

stood with pride

stood with pride

+ respect

there is blood

there is blood

Blood brothers!

Another huge one.

To die, to sleep—
No more—and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep—
To sleep—perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub!
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.

^ :emo kid:

To die, to sleep—
No more—and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep—
To sleep—perchance to dream. Ay, there's the rub!
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.

ISWYDT

Rip City

BLOOD, THERE IS ALWAYS BLOOD

10 GOTO 10

Mini Wheats and Spinach

Holy fuck. Should've taken a pic.

My god no

My god no

Got raped?

You wish..wait.

No, it was just the most horrific smelling thing since yo mama's crotch.

Oh, so you had consensual sex with him.

Still stinging from that colossal Neve Campbell blast, eh?


Also, just got your PM, I apologize, I had no idea that yo mama doesn't have a crotch.

Sorry Glan is a moderator/admin and you are not allowed to ignore him or her.

What kind of a message board doesn't let you ignore trolls?

Going to take a Will and wipe my Bynum.

Book signing.

Rich Rod.

Fucking spitty!

need to quit drinking

the flow continues

Have to go real bad right now. Update coming in a few minutes.

"Long-lasting"

Wow. I usually get in an out in a few minutes.

I guess you could say he's 'taking a shoopy'. You could.

I just urbandictionary'd my screenie.

Not good.

there is blood
Had some blood in my stream for about 3 days back in Oct. But nothing since, but doc said they still needed to take a look just to make sure. So in true "dad guy" fashion, yesterday I got my d!ck scoped.

Good news is, they didn't find any problems.

Bad news is I had a 2 ft. Long probe jammed into my hole.

I imagine that TBro has had this done too, with all of his issues.

DON'T READ GLA'S POST!
STOP NOW!

SERIOUSLY!

WTF bro?

Just keeping it real, bro, lol

Moral of the story, if you see blood in your stuff, you're fucked. I'm in a good place with it now though, since nothing's wrong, AND I got to see what the inside of my bladder looks like on TV!

If this happens to you, get your shit checked out, tho, there's some pretty nasty things that that could mean.

Best birthday ever, btw.

When I went to see the doc about the blood in my stool, he told me everything was normal and it was just "draining"

Hasn't happened to me in months now, btw.

burning ass liquid

Zatarain's Revenge

Large Volumes Of Hydrogen Sulfide

"That's where that book was..."

too much Raisin Bran

new record

Pretty gross

Antibiotics make your shits weird

I probably stare at my own shit a lot more than the average person stares at theirs.

too much Raisin Bran

AGAIN

#smh

Stop with the Raisin Glan, then. MORAN.

Raisin Glan.

Ha!