A man shall not skip out on a Rec League game because his girlfriend has set up a shopping date for the two of them.

A man shall not have any fruity drink while hanging out with the boys after a game.

A man is allowed to look at hot chicks when they walk in the door, even if their girlfriend/wife is around and not feel ashamed for doing it.

(Most of these man laws are targetted at one of my friends)

A man does not need permission to go out to the bar with his friends.

wasn't there a council on this
http://img1.putfile.com/thumb/2/3611053331.jpg

There was - I fired them due to "Lack of getting shit done." You're my new council.

fair enough

first entry;

A man shall not tell another man how to drive in any nagging or critical tones

I am shall not nag. Period.

I am shall not nag. Period.

that your Indian name?

A man cannot go to his friends house, shit, and then fall asleep.
Maybe if drunk, maybe... but not sober when you leave your own house to go to your friends.

A man shall not pee sitting down unless both legs are broken. Even then it's a little suspect.

A man shall not nag
Fixed.

A man cannot go to his friends house, shit, and then fall asleep.
Maybe if drunk, maybe... but not sober when you leave your own house to go to your friends.

Wait, why not?

A man shall never be caught carrying a dog that's 8 lbs or under.

A man shall never be caught carrying a dog that's 8 lbs or under.

...unless the dog is being used for a backyard football game.

Excellent call. Bring out the punt team.

A man never pisses into another man's appreciation thread.

This is the kind of thread Zip was born to post in.

You do NOT mow another man's lawn.

http://www.stevesforums.com/forums/images/avatars/28950.jpg

A man shall not pee sitting down unless both legs are broken. Even then it's a little suspect.

What about pre-shit or during-shit?

What about pre-shit or during-shit?

It's cool if the original goal of the experience was to drop a duece. If you go into the bathroom not knowing if you have to shit, always start by standing up, and if one thing leads to another, take a seat.

If I give a shit, I sit. It's my goddamn throne!

A real man shall not be from Cleveland.

What if his internet acquantances accuse him of being from Cleveland but he's really from a small town in Michigan?

It's cool if the original goal of the experience was to drop a duece. If you go into the bathroom not knowing if you have to shit, always start by standing up, and if one thing leads to another, take a seat.

Precisely. Thanks Mo, I was scared for a second.

Man Law: Don't be talking about a hang over if you drank less then 10 beers and 2 glasses of wine and 4 mixed drinks.

So a minimum 16 drinks to discuss a hangover? I'm fine with that.
:See UxKa's sig:

^ EXACTLY!

So a minimum 16 drinks to discuss a hangover? I'm fine with that.
:See UxKa's sig:

Depends on what 'drinks' consisted of. First off, no girly drinks... I don't care if you had 30 of em, you can't have a hangover. With that aside; mixers, shots or beer? How strong were the mixers? What were the shots of? What kind of beer was it? Basically there is no one answer. If you're hungover from 16 Miller Lites you're still a pussy, but if it was 16 Sierra Nevada Barleywine Ales then I can respect that.

Never think twice before shoving another man if he's up in your bizniss.

Depends on what 'drinks' consisted of. First off, no girly drinks... I don't care if you had 30 of em, you can't have a hangover. With that aside; mixers, shots or beer? How strong were the mixers? What were the shots of? What kind of beer was it? Basically there is no one answer. If you're hungover from 16 Miller Lites you're still a pussy, but if it was 16 Sierra Nevada Barleywine Ales then I can respect that.

LOL I like this guy....in a manly sort of way.

I think 16 shots of just about anything is more than enough cause for a hangover. Also, I fucking love your new av.

When entering a public bathroom, a man shall approach the urinals in a way that, if at all possible, there will always be at least one empty urinal between him and the next man.

A man shall never apologize for farting.

A man shall cease talking about his woman after 15 seconds, or he's subject to a punch in the face or the stomach.

A man shall never, under any circumastances, watch Lifetime or the Hallmark channel. He shall also never watch any movie including or remotely similar to: Little Women, Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Anne of (fill in the blank with any number of fucked-up locations), etc.

Fringe chick flicks (Sleepless in Seattle, the Wedding Planner, blah, blah, blah) shall only be watched if there is a clear cut sexual favor in the balance.

Fringe chick flicks (Sleepless in Seattle, the Wedding Planner, blah, blah, blah) shall only be watched if there is a clear cut sexual favor in the balance.

That's how she gets you to watch them, innit?

Depends on what 'drinks' consisted of. First off, no girly drinks... I don't care if you had 30 of em, you can't have a hangover. With that aside; mixers, shots or beer? How strong were the mixers? What were the shots of? What kind of beer was it? Basically there is no one answer. If you're hungover from 16 Miller Lites you're still a pussy, but if it was 16 Sierra Nevada Barleywine Ales then I can respect that.

If you can remember how many you had, you can't have a hangover.

I gotta say, I own fringe and blatant chick flicks and watch them without shame. Sleepless in Seattle is an honestly good movie. The fact that it is a chick flick doesn't stop me from watching it.

Basically there is no one answer. If you're hungover from 16 Miller Lites you're still a pussy, but if it was 16 Sierra Nevada Barleywine Ales then I can respect that.

It's true. I'm usually fine with 18-20 Bud/Busch/Coors/whatever lights, but the other weekend I had 18-20 Killians Irish Red. The next day was a battle with fatigue and a blistering headache.

If you can remember how many you had, you can't have a hangover.

1000 posts and he finally says something worth a damn. :)

I gotta say, I own fringe and blatant chick flicks and watch them without shame. Sleepless in Seattle is an honestly good movie. The fact that it is a chick flick doesn't stop me from watching it.

Is Clueless considered a chick flick? Because that's one of my guilty pleasures.

A real man shall not perform dance moves (of ANY kind) while in front of the mirrored walls at the gym...

Seriously, what the fuck kind of bullshit is that and why didn't your dad beat the shit out of you and make you play sports?

When a woman is on the rag it automatically becomes Blowjob Week.

Cogent on the last 2. Very very cogent.

Men shall not make those lil Xs and Ox when writting a note.

Men shall not write notes.

Unless they are vulgar and attached to some asshole's windshield.

If they are vulgar and on a windshield, can Xs and Os be used as sarcasm just to make the asshole feel even more pathetic?

See, Man Law has many intricacies.

Man Laws have no room for intricacy. X's and O's make you seem fruity no matter how you use them. Handwritten notes shall be allowed in the following circumstances:

1) "YOU PARK LIKE A RETARD"

2) "Thanks for sending me beer after I sawed my fingers off. Goes well with Vicodin." (Note: this was a real note from someone I know.)

3) "Pack up your shit and be out by Wednesday. P.S. You should probably get tested for the clap."

4) "Bathroom is flooded. Use flower garden."

Furthermore, I propose that cases 2 and 3 are the only cases in which a sign-off is ever needed, and in those cases, the sign off should simply be your name and nothing else. No "sincerely," no "best regards," and certainly no "love..." In these cases, simply end the note with "Dave" or "Stan." Anything else puts you under suspicion.

I'm glad we have someone like Swami around to clear this all up.

I'm glad we have someone like Swami around to clear this all up.
:big swami:

A man cannot threaten another man by asking if he's seen Deliverance.

A man shall NEVER get a manicure or a pedicure, lest he risk being labeled a GIANT PUSSY.

If a man's fiance insists that he get a manicure specifically in anticipation of the dreaded "hands photo" then that man is obligated to refuse and call her a "crazy bitch".

http://www.parishofstmstp.com/images/wedding_hands.gif

I think that "crazy bitch" part is what really sets it apart as a true manlaw.

Green Lantern is hear by acknowledged as officially "Cool as Fuck" by merit of his killing Superman and creating an entire city out of his power.

This rating is relational to GL's existence as a DC character and it is also recognized that if he had been a Marvel creation he would have undoubtedly been much cooler.

Any man who has a Green Lantern t-shirt automatically gets +10.




(MoTown +10)

Any man who must AKS to use a pic as his av, even though the pic is public domain, shall hereafter be named MoTown.

(MoTown has too much respect for Denny McLain to claim his findings)

Any man who has respect for the Hoff AND the Den must be considered at the upper echelon of manly superiorness.

You know what they say: When you're a guest in someones house, you don't shit on the floor.

orsomethinglikethat


man law?

A man shall shit on another mans floor just because he can.

Man law.

MAN LAW.

(Do you wipe your ass with the mans couch cushions?)

No, you wipe it on his kids' face.

Angriest man law ever?

Perhaps....until inspiration strikes me again.....

A multi part man law that I came up with in the locker room. First, the side stories:

I don't know how many of you belong to Lifetime Fitness, but their locker rooms have an area where you can watch tv and relax. It's an open area so a lot of people watch it from the lockers while they're getting ready. Anyway, on Saturday a couple of guys were sitting around watching a college game that was on, and some guy walked over, changed the channel to FOX News (LOL), and walked back to his locker to go change. The guys didn't say anything, looked at each other with confusion, but didn't change the channel back and left.

Usually in the morning (when I like to go to the gym), Sportscenter is on and no one questions it. If anyone ever changes the channel, it's usually to a news station, which is acceptable. This morning, Sportscenter was on and while no one was sitting on the couches in the viewing area, it was obvious they were all glancing at the show while they were changing. A guy walked over and changed the channel to MTV, sat down on the couch and watched intently.

I take a couple of Man-Laws from these incidents:

1. If a game is on and you change the station, it better be to another game. And majority rules as to which game it is, unless it's your house.

2. If someone switches from a game to another station without asking and you don't say anything, you have to remove one of your testicles.

3. If you change a community tv from Sportscenter/News to MTV, get the fuck out of the guys locker room.

^ Seconded. MTV is gayer than a handbag full of rainbows.

how about you should just never hang out in the locker room, no matter how plush

how about you should just never hang out in the locker room, no matter how plush
^ Actually I like this better. Watching TV with the brethren should happen in a place where everyone is wearing pants.

And if you have to stand on a bench to change the channel, at least wrap a friggin towel around yourself.

^ Actually I like this better. Watching TV with the brethren should happen in a place where everyone is wearing pants.

Don't tell me where I can and can't hang out.

You guys aren't implying that MoTown enjoys shlongs, are you?

Tahoe brought up a good question about drinking last night so it's time for some Man Laws to drinking (I'm sure we've talked about it before or that I've read it somewhere, but I can't remember where, so here goes):

1. You can drink almost any type of alcohol straight up or on the rocks (though any good single malt on the rocks is blasphemy in my book; but that's for another thread). Baily's and other creamy drinks and sweet tasting schnapps (as opposed to the moonshine-like schnapps the Germans make) are not allowed.

2. The one mixer rule: You can mix any hard alcohol with any ONE mixer whether it be pop or juice.

3. If you mix two things with your alcohol, you better be getting a whiskey sour or a gimlet or something man enough to watch NFL playoffs with. If your drink comes with a cherry or a parasol you might as well have a purse with it.

4. Margaritas are accepted as long as they're straight up normal margaritas. If you order a flavored margarita or a frozen margarita, your next act is to set up your next gynecologist appointment.

5. Martinis are accepted as long as they are straight gin or vodka martinis. Dirty martinis are accepted. Any fruity martini or martini with the name of some geographical location gets you sent to the WNBA.

6. At no time whatsoever do you put anything at all in your beer. Except a shot of Jack. To quote fellow man drinker Tahoe "Theres no need to fuck with beer, just fuckin drink it."

7. Only whiskey, cognac (or brandy) and rum are allowed in coffee. Putting Baily's or Kahlua in your coffee is for ladies night when you can get in for free wearing your black mini-skirt.

8. All wine is accepted. Wine coolers are not.

9. You may talk about wines, swirl the wine around the glass and even hold the glass by the stem (real men can be pretentious snobs too) but that pinky does not EVER leave the stem of the glass.

Feel free to add to/change any of these rules or add your own.

So just to get this straight, Bailey's is under no circumstances allowed?

Just for clarity...

Exactly. Neither are any Baily's-like creamy sweet drinks.

And if you have to stand on a bench to change the channel, at least wrap a friggin towel around yourself.

Lol. This post by itself is fucking hilarious.

What about White Russians?

The Dude will not abide this two mixer rule.

Where do Bloody Marys fall (though I think they are gross)?

I think rule three pretty much allows White Russians without specifically naming them.

Bloody Marys also are protected under rule three.

What about Caucasians?

The Dude will not abide this two mixer rule.

Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American.

Oh boy, if this turns into a Big Lebowski quote thread I won't even know where to start.

I have watched The Big Lebowski a total of 0 times.

Tried about 10 years ago and fell asleep.

Glenn treats objects like women, man.

Yeah I was wondering about White Russians while reading this. I love those damn things.

No one fucks wit da Jesus.

What's this Day of Rest shit? What's this bullshit? I don't fuckin' care, it don't matta to Jesus!

Kinda OT, but I remember back in the day (many years ago) when MOLA's screen name on the Detroit Sports Rag's original forum was "The Jesus". His avatar was that dude licking the bowling ball.

To think, I didn't even "know" him back then.

http://growabrain.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/12/01/acid_flashback.jpg