Be them from whoever whenever...

"An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind."
Mahatma Gandhi

Speaking of Gandhi, I always liked this one:

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."



Fuck, I hope I didn't set it off...

Or how about this one from the B-MG:

I like your Christ, he's the sexiest of ALL the saviors! (Ghandi, 1941)

While we are quoting the greats...I'll add this

Tahoe - "Fucking Blackberry Brandy"

Her's one I seldom observe:

"Better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are a fool, than to open your mouth and prove them right"


Or from Crazy Bill Shakespeare: "Go thou, and fill another room in Hell"

More from Crazy Bill Shakespeare: "I hate thee, pronounce thee a gross lout and a slave, or else a hovering temprizer who canst with thine eyes at once see good and evil, inclining to them both"

"Is sex dirty? Only if you do it right"--Woody Allen

"I'm such a good lover because I practice alot when I'm alone"--Woody Allen

"If it turns out that there is a god, I don;t think he's eveil, but you can say he is an underachiever"--Woody Allen

"It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don;t want to be there when it happens"--Woody Allen

This little mensch is a fountain of wisdom.

It's easy to grin...

"Ah! Don;t say you agree with me! When people agree with me I feel I must be wrong"--Oscar Wilde

"It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and entirely true"--
Oscar Wilde

"Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes"--
Oscar Wilde

"The time to fix the roof is when the sun is shining"--John F Kennedy

I've never been one to have favorite quotes or really care about quotes, but this thread gets five stars.

"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job"--Douglass Adams, in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Success is relative: It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.--T. S. Eliot

Pray for us now and at the hour of our birth.--T. S. Eliot

Zip going to work on this thread!

I think e-ray needs to rename it the "Zip....Thread"

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.--Mark Twain

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?--Mark Twain

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.--Mark Twain

Dogs smoke in France.--Ozzy Osbourne

Beer is living proof that God wants us to be happy--Ben Franklin

Women are living proof that God wants us to drink beer--Zip Goshboots

Oh, now no one is readin this thread after all the work I've put into it? That's OK, I'll get these fuckers: I
ll make EVERY thread the "Famous Quotes Thread" Thread! And, maybe not tomorrow, or the next day, but soon, soon, SOON the world shall be mine, all mine! MINE

Heh heh, hmm hmmm hoohaha hah ahah HAHA Hh AAAHAHAh HAHAhhHAHAHAHAHAHAHAha HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHA
HAHAh HAHAHAHAhAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH
hHAHAHAHAHAMMMMAHAHAHAHAHAM
AMAHHHAHAHAHA COUGH, HAcK. HECk, AhaCk SPalackney hackk cough heachweeklerecky hack
AHACK Dantoniosucks HAAH AHcough, splech, hack cough

Now there's the Zip I love and humorless fags hate!

Now there's the Zip I love and humorless fags hate!

Always::cogent:

It is common to assume that human progress affects everyone - that even the dullest man, in these bright days, knows more than any man of, say, the Eighteenth Century, and is far more civilized. This assumption is quite erroneous. The men of the educated minority, no doubt, know more than their predecessors, and of some of them, perhaps, it may be said that they are more civilized - though I should not like to be put to giving names - but the great masses of men, even in this inspired republic, are precisely where the mob was at the dawn of history. They are ignorant, they are dishonest, they are cowardly, they are ignoble. They know little if anything that is worth knowing, and there is not the slightest sign of a natural desire among them to increase their knowledge.

Such immortal vermin, true enough, get their share of the fruits of human progress, and so they may be said, in a way to have their part in it. .... He has at hand a thousand devices for making life less wearisome and more tolerable: the telephone, railroads, bichloride tablets, newspapers, sewers, correspondence schools, delicatessen. But he had no more to do with bringing these things into the world than the horned cattle in the fields, and he does no more to increase them today than the birds of the air.

On the contrary, he is generally against them, and sometimes with immense violence. Every step in human progress, from the first feeble stirrings in the abyss of time, has been opposed by the great majority of men.


Your Honor,years ago I recognized my kinship with all living beings, and I made up my mind that I was not one bit better than the meanest on earth. I said then, and I say now, that while there is a lower class, I am in it, and while there is a criminal element I am of it, and while there is a soul in prison, I am not free.


[As] long as the white man sent you to Korea, you bled. He sent you to Germany, you bled. He sent you to the South Pacific to fight the Japanese, you bled. You bleed for white people. But when it comes time to seeing your own churches being bombed and little black girls be murdered, you haven't got no blood. You bleed when the white man says bleed; you bite when the white man says bite; and you bark when the white man says bark. I hate to say this about us, but it's true. How are you going to be nonviolent in Mississippi, as violent as you were in Korea? How can you justify being nonviolent in Mississippi and Alabama, when your churches are being bombed, and your little girls are being murdered, and at the same time you're going to violent with Hitler, and Tojo, and somebody else that you don't even know?

If violence is wrong in America, violence is wrong abroad. If it's wrong to be violent defending black women and black children and black babies and black men, then it's wrong for America to draft us and make us violent abroad in defense of her. And if it is right for America to draft us, and teach us how to be violent in defense of her, then it is right for you and me to do whatever is necessary to defend our own people right here in this country.

Mind is the forerunner of all phenomena. Mind is their chief; they are all mind-made. If, with an impure mind, a person speaks or acts, suffering follows him like the wheel that follows the foot of the ox.

...

"He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me." Those who harbor such thoughts will not overcome their anger.

...

Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.

...

Just as rain breaks through a badly-thatched house, so passion penetrates an undeveloped mind.

...

The doer of good delights here and hereafter; he delights in this life and future lives. He thinks "I have done good things" and this makes him happy, and he is even happier in the hereafter.

Originally Posted by Winnie the Pooh

"Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon."

Originally posted by Reggie Jackson

“The only reason I don’t like playing in the World Series is I can’t watch myself play.”

He who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger--Confucious

heres a quote from my igoogle quotes of the day. amazingly on topic:

A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a man of wit, and a pebble in the hand of a fool.
- Joseph Roux

heres another one from said page i enjoyed:

Life is the farce that everyone has to perform.
- Arthur Rimbaud


I like the Rambo quote, but i admit, i read his work and couldnt get into it. im thinking i'll eventually try it again, but with my good friend charles shaw to help me out.

Life is the farce that everyone has to perform.
- Arthur Rimbaud
I like the Rambo quote, but i admit, i read his work and couldnt get into it. im thinking i'll eventually try it again, but with my good friend charles shaw to help me out.

diddy: My favorite Rambo quote is this: "Duuuhyahh Yo Adduhhh Adrian, we duhhh dahhh DID IT!"

if were talking shakespeare and quotes, and badass, julius ceasar is literally (pun!!) filled with them.

Men at some time are masters of their fates: The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings

Not that I loved Caesar less, but that I loved Rome more

Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.
Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, it seems to me most strange that men should fear;
Seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come

Caesar shall forth: the things that threaten'd me
Ne'er look'd but on my back; when they shall see
The face of Caesar, they are vanished.

“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?” -Aleksander Solzhenitsyn

"The self is a relation that relates itself to itself, or is the relation's relating itself to itself in the relation; the self is not the relation but is the relation relating itself to itself." -Kierkegaard, in one of his less lucid moments

Damnit. I just put in like 10 quotes, went to post, and it had already logged me out (can't autologin at work). What a waste of 15 minutes.

It's easy to grin...

Damn, no one took the bait.

“It's easy to grin when your ships come in and you've got the stock market beat, but the man worth while is the man who can smile when his pants are too tight in the seat”?? Is that what you were going for Glenn?

In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, gopher'

A man may be a fool and not know it - but not if he is married.
-H.L. Mencken

^ Ain't that the truth?

Where is the graveyard of dead gods? What lingering mourner waters their mounds? There was a time when Jupiter was the king of the gods, and any man who doubted his puissance was ipso facto a barbarian and an ignoramus. But where in all the world is there a man who worships Jupiter today? And who of Huitzilopochtli? In one year - and it is no more than five hundred years ago - 50,000 youths and maidens were slain in sacrifice to him. Today, if he is remembered at all, it is only by some vagrant savage in the depths of the Mexican forest. Huitzilopochtli, like many other gods, had no human father; his mother was a virtuous widow; he was born of an apparently innocent flirtation that she carried out with the sun. When he frowned, his father, the sun, stood still. When he roared with rage, earthquakes engulfed whole cities. When he thirsted he was watered with 10,000 gallons of human blood. But today Huitzilopochtli is as magnificently forgotten as Allen G. Thurman. Once the peer of Allah, Buddha and Wotan, he is now the peer of Richmond P. Hobson, Alton B. Parker, Adelina Patti, General Weyler and Tom Sharkey.

Speaking of Huitzilopochtli recalls his brother Tezcatilpoca.
Tezcatilpoca was almost as powerful; he consumed 25,000 virgins a year.
Lead me to his tomb: I would weep, and hang a couronne des perles. But who
knows where it is? Or where the grave of Quitzalcoatl is? Or Xiehtecuthli?
Or Centeotl, that sweet one? Or Tlazolteotl, the goddess of love? Of
Mictlan? Or Xipe? Or all the host of Tzitzimitles? Where are their bones?
Where is the willow on which they hung their harps? In what forlorn and
unheard-of Hell do they await their resurrection morn? Who enjoys their
residuary estates? Or that of Dis, whom Caesar found to be the chief god of
the Celts? Of that of Tarves, the bull? Or that of Moccos, the pig? Or that
of Epona, the mare? Or that of Mullo, the celestial jackass? There was a
time when the Irish revered all these gods, but today even the drunkest
Irishman laughs at them.



But they have company in oblivion: the Hell of dead gods is as crowded
as the Presbyterian Hell for babies. Damona is there, and Esus, and
Drunemeton, and Silvana, and Dervones, and Adsalluta, and Deva, and
Belisima, and Uxellimus, and Borvo, and Grannos, and Mogons. All mighty
gods in their day, worshipped by millions, full of demands and impositions, able
to bind and loose - all gods of the first class. Men labored for generations
to build vast temples to them - temples with stones as large as hay-wagons.
The business of interpreting their whims occupied thousands of priests,
bishops, archbishops. To doubt them was to die, usually at the stake.
Armies took to the field to defend them against infidels; villages were burned,
women and children butchered, cattle were driven off. Yet in the end they
all withered and died, and today there is none so poor to do them reverence.

What has become of Sutekh, once the high god of the whole Nile Valley?
What has become of:
Resheph Baal
Anath Astarte
Ashtoreth Hadad
Nebo Dagon
Melek Yau
Ahijah Amon-Re
Isis Osiris
Ptah Molech?


All there were gods of the highest eminence. Many of them are mentioned with fear and trembling in the Old Testament. They ranked, five or six thousand years ago, with Yahweh Himself; the worst of them stood far higher than Thor. Yet they have all gone down the chute, and with them the following:

Arianrod Nuada Argetlam
Morrigu Tagd
Govannon Goibniu
Gunfled Odin
Dagda Ogma
Ogryvan Marzin
Dea Dia Mara
Iuno Lucina Diana of Ephesus
Saturn Robigus
Furrina Pluto
Cronos Vesta
Engurra Zer-panitu
Belus Merodach
Ubilulu Elum
U-dimmer-an-kia Marduk
U-sab-sib Nin
U-Mersi Persephone
Tammuz Istar
Venus Lagas
Beltis Nirig
Nusku En-Mersi
Aa Assur
Sin Beltu
Apsu Kuski-banda
Elali Nin-azu
Mami Qarradu
Zaraqu Ueras
Zagaga



Ask the rector to lend you any good book on comparative religion; you will
find them all listed. They were gods of the highest dignity - gods of civilized
peoples - worshipped and believed in by millions. All were omnipotent, omniscient
and immortal.

And all are dead.

-H.L. Mencken

Where is the graveyard of dead gods? What lingering mourner waters their mounds? There was a time when Jupiter was the king of the gods, and any man who doubted his puissance was ipso facto a barbarian and an ignoramus. But where in all the world is there a man who worships Jupiter today? And who of Huitzilopochtli? In one year - and it is no more than five hundred years ago - 50,000 youths and maidens were slain in sacrifice to him. Today, if he is remembered at all, it is only by some vagrant savage in the depths of the Mexican forest. Huitzilopochtli, like many other gods, had no human father; his mother was a virtuous widow; he was born of an apparently innocent flirtation that she carried out with the sun. When he frowned, his father, the sun, stood still. When he roared with rage, earthquakes engulfed whole cities. When he thirsted he was watered with 10,000 gallons of human blood. But today Huitzilopochtli is as magnificently forgotten as Allen G. Thurman. Once the peer of Allah, Buddha and Wotan, he is now the peer of Richmond P. Hobson, Alton B. Parker, Adelina Patti, General Weyler and Tom Sharkey.

Speaking of Huitzilopochtli recalls his brother Tezcatilpoca.
Tezcatilpoca was almost as powerful; he consumed 25,000 virgins a year.
Lead me to his tomb: I would weep, and hang a couronne des perles. But who
knows where it is? Or where the grave of Quitzalcoatl is? Or Xiehtecuthli?
Or Centeotl, that sweet one? Or Tlazolteotl, the goddess of love? Of
Mictlan? Or Xipe? Or all the host of Tzitzimitles? Where are their bones?
Where is the willow on which they hung their harps? In what forlorn and
unheard-of Hell do they await their resurrection morn? Who enjoys their
residuary estates? Or that of Dis, whom Caesar found to be the chief god of
the Celts? Of that of Tarves, the bull? Or that of Moccos, the pig? Or that
of Epona, the mare? Or that of Mullo, the celestial jackass? There was a
time when the Irish revered all these gods, but today even the drunkest
Irishman laughs at them.



But they have company in oblivion: the Hell of dead gods is as crowded
as the Presbyterian Hell for babies. Damona is there, and Esus, and
Drunemeton, and Silvana, and Dervones, and Adsalluta, and Deva, and
Belisima, and Uxellimus, and Borvo, and Grannos, and Mogons. All mighty
gods in their day, worshipped by millions, full of demands and impositions, able
to bind and loose - all gods of the first class. Men labored for generations
to build vast temples to them - temples with stones as large as hay-wagons.
The business of interpreting their whims occupied thousands of priests,
bishops, archbishops. To doubt them was to die, usually at the stake.
Armies took to the field to defend them against infidels; villages were burned,
women and children butchered, cattle were driven off. Yet in the end they
all withered and died, and today there is none so poor to do them reverence.

What has become of Sutekh, once the high god of the whole Nile Valley?
What has become of:
Resheph Baal
Anath Astarte
Ashtoreth Hadad
Nebo Dagon
Melek Yau
Ahijah Amon-Re
Isis Osiris
Ptah Molech?


All there were gods of the highest eminence. Many of them are mentioned with fear and trembling in the Old Testament. They ranked, five or six thousand years ago, with Yahweh Himself; the worst of them stood far higher than Thor. Yet they have all gone down the chute, and with them the following:

Arianrod Nuada Argetlam
Morrigu Tagd
Govannon Goibniu
Gunfled Odin
Dagda Ogma
Ogryvan Marzin
Dea Dia Mara
Iuno Lucina Diana of Ephesus
Saturn Robigus
Furrina Pluto
Cronos Vesta
Engurra Zer-panitu
Belus Merodach
Ubilulu Elum
U-dimmer-an-kia Marduk
U-sab-sib Nin
U-Mersi Persephone
Tammuz Istar
Venus Lagas
Beltis Nirig
Nusku En-Mersi
Aa Assur
Sin Beltu
Apsu Kuski-banda
Elali Nin-azu
Mami Qarradu
Zaraqu Ueras
Zagaga



Ask the rector to lend you any good book on comparative religion; you will
find them all listed. They were gods of the highest dignity - gods of civilized
peoples - worshipped and believed in by millions. All were omnipotent, omniscient
and immortal.

And all are dead.

-H.L. Mencken


Too long, didn't read.

-Glenn

Glenn, that would be tl;dr (or tl, dr).

I think this one is applies to the Pistons:

"Fool me once, shame on you...Fool me twice, shame on me"

Art

"Fuck n A" Some dude.

"Kiss my ass" Some dude

"Go fuck yourself" Some dude.

"Fuck n A" Some dude.

I've always wondered what the meaning behind that was.

What did the letter A do to piss so many people off?

I think this one is applies to the Pistons:

"Fool me once, shame on you...Fool me twice, shame on me"

Art
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, well..........umm............you aren't gonna fool me again - George W. Bush

Immortal Technique incinerate degenerate fags
burn Trent Lott, wrapped in his confederate flag

"To shit, or not to shit, where is the toilet?"
--Anonymous

"Fuck n A" Some dude.

"Fuck a B, it has more holes."

Now THAT is a good quote.

"No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all."

- Michael J. Trent

"When I read about the evils of sex and drinking, I gave up reading."
Henny Youngman.

"The masses are asses" - Alexander Hamilton.

Can't get enough of this guy.

WORDS DEFINED:

Archbishop
- A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.

Church
- A place in which gentlemen who have never been to Heaven brag about it to people who will never get there.

Clergyman
- A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Conscience
- The inner voice which warns us that someone is looking.

Confidence
- The feeling that makes one believe a man, even when one knows that one would lie in his place.

Creator
- A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.

Evil
- That which one believes of others. It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake.

Experience
- A series of failures. Every failure teaches a man something, to wit, that he will probably fail again.

Fine
- A bribe paid by a rich man to escape the lawful penalty of his crime.

Husband
- A No. 16 neck in a No. 15 1/2 collar.

Idealist
- One who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

Immorality
- The morality of those who are having a better time.

Jealousy
- The theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.

Love
- The delusion that one woman differs from another.

Morality
- The theory that every human act must either be right or wrong, and that 99% of them are wrong.

Pastor
- One employed by the wicked to prove to them by his example that virtue doesn't pay.

Platitude
- An idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone,and (b) that is not true.

Psychology
- The theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow, and is certainly a damned fool.

Sunday
- A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell.

Sunday School
- A prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

"They say a man should always dress for the job he wants, so why am I dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant?

It's all because some hack-er stole my identity, now I'm stuck here every evening serving chowder and iced tea."

"I love it when a plan comes together."
-Hannibal

"Here I sit and write on the walls.

Roll my shit into little balls.

Whomever reads these words of wit, eats those little balls of shit."

-Traditional Men's Room Prose

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work" -Thomas Alva Edison
Reply With Quote

luck is what happens when opportunity meets preperation- robert evans

To be young and not liberal means you have no heart. To be old and not Conservative means you have no brain.

To be young and not liberal means you have no heart. To be old and not Conservative means you have no brain.
"Ignorant rightists have always viewed leftists as cowards, and ignorant leftists have always viewed rightists as villains, and it seems unlikely in the next fifty years that this should change."

http://www.winstonchurchill.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=112

Basically, the fans of every team become convinced at some point that I hate their team and am hopelessly biased against them, usually because I say something that doesn't agree with their own (likely slanted) worldview.

In my sig for now, archived here for later.

Sometimes I want to kick that motherfucker in the teeth.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

- John Lennon

"In my life, why do I give valuable time to people who don't care if I live or die?...Why do I smile at people who I'd much rather kick in the eye?"
- Morrissey

"We love distraction," he said, reading from a speech the organizers reportedly tried to talk him out of giving. "I don't know about you, but show me a starlet without panties getting out of a car, and suddenly the world seems like a better place. Show me 'Knight Rider' drunk on the floor eating a hamburger, and I won't ask why my kid has no health insurance. Let's stop burdening people with facts."

Dear god, I hope he was being sarcastic.

"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence." - Robert Frost

"Dana, from the valley of the sun I am perched high above the desert floor and the red streaks of the morning dawn are illuminating this glorious sky. I’m perusing Edward Abbey’s ‘Desert Solitude’ here and on opening day the songs are running through the smoking crater. I’ve been listening to Bob Dylan’s newest album Modern Times which is absolutely remarkable. ‘Thunder on the Mountain’, ‘Spirit on the Water’, ‘Rolling and Tumbling,’ which all go to describe Amare Stoudemire. But the songs that I can’t get out of my mind today John Fogarty’s ‘Center Field’: ‘Put me in coach, I’m ready to play today’ or Bob Dylan’s New Morning and Dana, like you, I’m just so happy to be alive underneath this sky of blue on this new morning, new morning, what could be better than opening day?"
-William Theodore Walton

"Go Bayside!" - AC Slater

"He's the coolest motherfucker on the planet"-SDB on AC Slater

"Lie, Cheat, Steal or Kill" - Roy Martin

"Go Bayside!" - AC Slater

FTW!

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o272/caseyyunko/slayter.jpg

Enjoy life, there's plenty of time to be dead.

My heart is with the Pistons, but my money is on Rick Carlisle and the Pacers.

Now we have the vegetarian Hot Pocket, for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.

"In Turkey, the media wait for you outside. You go down to them, in tunnel, and sometimes, people are yelling and throwing things. They throw coins. I get hit in the head. Bleeding. There is blood."

"I don't need this aggravation" - Johnny Dakota

I saw the Johnny Dakota episode was on this morning and instantly thought of LDB. (No homo)

That dude is the epitome of cool. I'm flattered.

I know! And the commercial sucked once they finally ended up shooting it. I bet kids actually started doing drugs after they saw the commercial. If Johnny Dakota was in it, the world would no longer have drugs.

And how hilarious was it when that blonde dude, mocking Kelly, was like, "Uh oh Johnny, looks like she's just saying no"?

That's seriously one of my favorite quotes in TV history.

Did you see how quickly he got Screech hooked up with a couple bitches? Best. Wingman. Ever.

And how hilarious was it when that blonde dude, mocking Kelly, was like, "Uh oh Johnny, looks like she's just saying no"?

That's seriously one of my favorite quotes in TV history.

Fuckin' NBC took the clip off youtube. I was going to download it and reupload it with Requiem for a Tower song playing in the background and everything.

"I used to have a drug problem, now I make enough money. " - David Lee Roth

"I used to jog, but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass." - David Lee Roth

"Hey, your girlfriend was partying with us backstage before the show, and she had a message for ya: 'mmfp mmf umf fmff mmm.'" - David Lee Roth

""The violence and everything and Eddie Van Halen constantly calling me out, screaming into a camera lens from three thousand, two hundred and twenty six miles away, 'I'm gonna kick you in your nuts! You better wear a cup. You better watch your balls.' This causes me to ask, because we're talking to a very articulate magazine here, with an articulate audience readership, and an entirely articulate interviewer here. What kind of balls is he imagining? What kind of testicles are haunting Eddie Van Halen's sleep? Are these giant turbo-prop monster truck nards that smash Chevies and Buicks and are now rolling over his front gate right now up there at 5150 and crushing his designer sports car and the family pet as it squeals a short, brief, glorious warning? Or are these highly trained, super-mobile, small, but highly maneuverable Belgian assault nards that even now are swarming under the gates and are about to sail into the nerve center of the gangland stronghold! The mind fairly reels, sire." - David Lee Roth

"People ask me, 'Mr Roth, what do you think of Van Halen now?' I tell them, 'I'm not in Van Halen anymore so I don't care'. Then they ask me, 'What do you think of Valerie Bertinelli?' I tell them, 'Same answer." - David Lee Roth

On a warm summers evenin on a train bound for nowhere,
I met up with the gambler; we were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a starin out the window at the darkness
til boredom overtook us, and he began to speak.

He said, son, Ive made a life out of readin peoples faces,
And knowin what their cards were by the way they held their eyes.
So if you dont mind my sayin, I can see youre out of aces.
For a taste of your whiskey Ill give you some advice.

So I handed him my bottle and he drank down my last swallow.
Then he bummed a cigarette and asked me for a light.
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
Said, if youre gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right

""The violence and everything and Eddie Van Halen constantly calling me out, screaming into a camera lens from three thousand, two hundred and twenty six miles away, 'I'm gonna kick you in your nuts! You better wear a cup. You better watch your balls.' This causes me to ask, because we're talking to a very articulate magazine here, with an articulate audience readership, and an entirely articulate interviewer here. What kind of balls is he imagining? What kind of testicles are haunting Eddie Van Halen's sleep? Are these giant turbo-prop monster truck nards that smash Chevies and Buicks and are now rolling over his front gate right now up there at 5150 and crushing his designer sports car and the family pet as it squeals a short, brief, glorious warning? Or are these highly trained, super-mobile, small, but highly maneuverable Belgian assault nards that even now are swarming under the gates and are about to sail into the nerve center of the gangland stronghold! The mind fairly reels, sire." - David Lee Roth

That is now my favorite quote and I'm going to memorize it.

I love Dave. I hope he lives forever.

"I'm a family man. I personally started 3 or 4 this year."

"Squirt that water bottle at me again , and I’m gonna come down there and fuck your girlfriend, pal!"

"Old Van Halen, when I was in it-classic Van Halen-made you wanna drink, dance and screw, right? New Van Halen encourages you to drink milk, drive a Nissan and have a relationship".

"Ya know how many angry militant feminist lesbians it take to screw in a light bulb?........ Two - one to change the bulb and one to suck my dick."

"I may not go down in history...... but I WILL go down on your sister…"

He sounds sort of like Goshboots.

"The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the front of an oncoming train."

"I think that if rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it." - Bobby Knight

"No matter how beautiful a girl is, she still shits." - Dave Mustaine

Goshboots and I party all the time. I know for a fact he fucked Valerie Bertinelli, cuz she was sucking my cock at the time.

"What good is a deal if no one is making any money?" -David Mamet

Mamet owns.

"Everybody wants money! That's why they call it money!" -David Mamet

From Pulp Fiction:


Lance: Hey, whattya think about Trudi? She ain't got a boyfriend. You wanna hang out, get high?

Vincent: Which one's Trudi? The one with all the shit in her face?

Lance: No, that's Jody. That's my wife.


Jules: You know the shows on TV?

Vincent: I don't watch TV.

Jules: Yeah, but, you are aware that there's an invention called television, and on this invention they show shows, right?



This watch was on you daddy's wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured and put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He knew that if the gooks ever saw the watch, they'd confiscate it--take it away. The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any slope's gonna put their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright. So, he hid it, in one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years he wore this watch . . . up his ass. Then, he died of dysentery, he give me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.


Night of the fight, you might feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride! Pride only hurts . . . it never helps. You fight through that shit 'cause a year from now, when you kickin' it in the Caribbean, you gonna say to yourself, "Marsellus Wallace was right."


What does Marsellus Wallace look like?
Brett: What?
Jules Winnfield: What country you from?!
Brett: Wh-what?
Jules Winnfield: What ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in What?
Brett: What?
Jules Winnfield: English, mother-fucker! Do you speak it?!
Brett: Yes.
Jules Winnfield: Then you know what I'm saying?!
Brett: Yes.
Jules Winnfield: Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!
Brett: What?
Jules Winnfield: Say "what" again! Say "what" again! I dare you, I double dare you, mother-fucker! Say "what" one more Goddamn time!
Brett: He's black.
Jules Winnfield: Go on!
Brett: He's bald.
Jules Winnfield: Does he look like a bitch?!
Brett: What? Oww!
Jules Winnfield: Does he look like a bitch?!
Brett: No!
Jules Winnfield: Then why you trying to fuck him like a bitch, Brett?



Jules Winnfield: Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.
Vincent Vega: Yeah but bacon tastes good. Pork chops taste good.
Jules Winnfield: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy mother-fuckers. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eating nothing that ain't got sense enough to disregard his own feces.
Vincent Vega: How 'bout a dog? Dog eats his own feces.
Jules Winnfield: I don't eat dog either.
Vincent Vega: Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?
Jules Winnfield: I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy, but they definitely dirty. But, dog's got personality; personality goes a long way.
Vincent Vega: Ahh, so by that rational, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?
Jules Winnfield: Well, we'd have to be talking one charming mother-fucking pig.


Were you expecting something else?

And here it is - the quote to end all quotes. I could once say this shit word for word and did so ONCE before I smacked somewcunt upside the head:




The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the Valley of Darkness; for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children. And, I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers! And, you will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!

AMEN! Fuck them motherfuckers.

See, for me the best part has always been and will always be "I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers."

I also kinda like this, and on repeated viewings I consider every option of what my favourite quote of all time could actually mean. I've never heard QT explain it though, so maybe all the time I wasted on it was for nothing.


Maybe it means: you're the evil man, and I'm the righteous man, and Mr. 9mm here, he's the Shepard protecting my righteous ass in the Valley of Darkness. Or, it could mean: you're the righteous man, and I'm the Shepard, and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that, but that shit ain't the truth. The truth is: you're the weak, and I am the tyranny of evil men. But, I'm tryin', Ringo, I'm trying real hard to be the Shepard.

^ Awesomeness

I can't even think of another movie I could quote from.

That's how much love I've got for Pulp Fiction.

Well, the God I believe in isn't short of cash, mister.

That's cause Bono believes he's God.

From Swami's Boner Party link...



“If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it’s like—you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts, and I have no idea why.” - GQ, October 2008
and placed in the official thread, how ironic

"Who gives a fuck!" - DennyMcLain

I think I'm either coming down with something or I'm just lazy.

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep...



not screaming like the passengers in his car.



A computer once beat me at chess...



but was no match for me at kick boxing

"If you're an underdog, mentally disabled, physically disabled, if you don't fit in, if you're not as pretty as the others, you can still be a hero."

http://www.cinefilo.es/wp/wp-content/uploads/2007_05_steve_guttenberg.jpg

Chills

"When in doubt, knock 'em out." - Big Vinny (1943-1979)

“I bought a Corvette, some cocaine and the rest I spent on foolishness.” — George Jones on how he spent a $100K bonus he received in the early 1970s.

Space Mountain may be the oldest ride in the park, but it has the longest line.
-Ric Flair