Uncle Mxy
12-29-2007, 11:53 PM
[mentioned this in another thread and it got me riled up -- I'm venting]
Over the years, I've had 4 diffferent run-ins with collections agencies. In all cases, they were screwed up. I wasn't overdue in owing money. Invariably, they managed to piss me off with some combination of obnoxiousness and cluelessness.
1) The hospital that pointed collections my way for a broken arm. The only problem is, I never had a broken arm! I did go to that hospital for a broken pinky (playing volleyball) a few years back, but that was settled long ago, and was the only thing I ever went to that hospital network for. I called the collections agency, explained the situation, and they seemed reasonable and polite. "Ok, we'll take care of it." Then a couple weeks later, I'd get another letter, make another phone call, etc. I asked them who I should contact at the hospital to fix this, but they didn't know and reassured me they'd take care of it. With such sketchy reassurance, I called the hospital's accounting department, but never got a helpful human being. I left voice mail in some generic voice mail box a few times, and never got a call back. After four cycles of this, I was going nuts! So, I drove 35 miles to the fucking hospital to their accounts receivable. I waved the latest collections notice in their face and said "Look, I don't have a broken arm. I never have! Take x-rays of my arm if you don't believe me!" It turns out someone else with my same name had the broken arm. Even though it was clearly not me (unless I shrunk a few inches and my skin color changed), nothing short of actually showing up in their face was sufficient! ARRGGHH!!!
2) The other fucking hospital. I went in for minor urgent care and paid what I thought I should pay. 7 months later, on a Monday morning at 7:30am when I wasn't quite awake, my cell rang. The most obnoxious fucking collections agent was "YOU OWE US, YOU'RE 7 MONTHS OVERDUE AND YOU RAPED MY DAUGHTER YOU PIECE OF SHIT". Ok, the last bit was an exaggeration, but not by much. Not having seen paper mail regarding a bill, nor a statement from my insurance saying I should expect a bill, my assumption was that this might be a scam. So I tell the guy "send me a bill saying what it's for", and they were all "OUR RECORDS SHOW YOU WERE BILLED YOU KNOW YOU GOT A BILL YOU JUST FUCKING PAY YOU PIECE OF SHIT AND YOU PAY NOW WHAT'S YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER". What a way to wake up... NOT! I figure I'll call up the hospital later in the day... I had shit to do, and they probably weren't in yet. The phone rings at 8am or so while I'm showering... a different fuck collections agency, with much the same attitude. I call the hospital. They aren't in until 9am... swell. At 9am sharp, as I'm about to call the hospital, I get a call from another bitch collector. Then I get a call from my dad, whose work # I use as my emergency contact (his employer can find him 7x24). I got someone at the hospital at 9:30am, who said they'd send me a bill. Not 5 minutes later, ANOTHER collection agency dropped more obnoxiousness in my ear. I turn off the phone -- let the fuckers go to voice mail. They called 10 more times that day, left voice mail twice. They called a dozen more times the next day, left no voice mails. I changed my voice mail greeting to say "if you are a collections agency calling about a hospital bill, send me a bill with a statement of work -- itemized -- and I will pay it". I got the hospital's bill on Wednesday and it was clear what was going on. For whatever reason, it took 7 months to work out some payment with my insurance for some minor part of the urgent care visit. Why? I have no clue. Once my insurance paid up, on the previous Friday, they IMMEDIATELY flagged me as months overdue and sent the dogs out! Off to the hospital I go to pay in person -- it's only 7 miles away. I immediately go to a manager, WENT FUCKING BALLISTIC AND PROCEEDED TO RIP THEIR ACCOUNTS PAYABLE A NEW FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!! "Sir, if you don't quiet down, we will call security." The dude was TERRIFIED of me, even after I toned it down and quite calmly explaining what was going on. Toward the end of my conversation with the managerl, another "Blocked number" collector rang. I handed the phone to the manager and said "Here, it's for you". He was afraid to touch the phone. The hourly calls stopped the next day, from all the collections agencies.
3) Wired Magazine. I subscribe to the paper copy, because it's quality bathroom reading material. For the first couple issue, I received double copies sent in the mail, one with my name, another with my name slightly misspelled. I figured this would correct itself without my intervention, and it did. They started sending only one copy, and all seemed right with the world. Then, I checked on my credit report a few months later and see this unpaid debt to Conde Nast. WTF?!?! Wired is the only magazine that I subscribe to through them, so I chased down their billing people. They were reasonable... yes, we screwed up, we'll give you a 2 year extension free of charge, sorry sir. But, about a month later, I got a letter from some collections agency saying I owed $20 still. I called, and they said I'd have to talk to the Conde Nast people because they only beat people up for money, and don't know anything else. So, I did. Conde Nast sent me a letter on their letterhead explaining there was a mixup, I didn't owe any money, and gave some lady's phone number, for use with the collections agents. Unlike the hospital, they didn't seem to have their collections people as well trained, and it took them 4 months to go away, even after it was off my credit report, even after I'd sent them a couple copies of the "get out of jail" note. They never called the lady, which I established because I called asking why these collections people are still on my ass (which caused her to add on another 2 years for free).
4) Ameritech. One day, I got a collections agent calling me about a bill for a place I used to live briefly, indicating that I owed them money, with a paper copy of the matter coming in the mail the same day they called. They whined and WHINED about how bad it would be on my life if I didn't pay, sounded like Sally Struthers. There were a couple minor problems. They had the service address wrong... a street address that simply didn't exist (but on the same street and city I lived in)! And, it was in GTE/Verizon territory! At the time, I would've rather had an Ameritech land line because the GTE infrastructure sucked, but I couldn't get it! Off to Ameritech's band of idiots I go. Of course, no joy, there. They couldn't seem to find what I was talking about, and as far as they could tell, I was okely dokely with them. I called up the Michigan Public Service Commission, and after going through a few rounds of "oh, just call Ameritech" (even having one call forwarded to Ameritech), I escalated up enough chains to where I finally got someone who understood my issue. Mere hours later, someone with a clue at Ameritech called me, said it was fixed, said they'd send me paper mail to that effect (they never did the latter). That was ok. But the collectors were still sending letters and calling, and eventually it made it on my credit report as this unpaid debt. NOW I WAS PISSED. I called the MPSC again, explained what went down the first time, and 2 HOURS later, I got the "I'm sorry I'm sorry master" response from Ameritech, though they indicated that they couldn't control their collection agents and it could take months for this to clear up. NOT ACCEPTABLE!!! I called the MPSC the next day, and amazingly, the collections agents stopped almost immediately.
Ok, it's out of my system. The Pistons won. I can sleep now.
Over the years, I've had 4 diffferent run-ins with collections agencies. In all cases, they were screwed up. I wasn't overdue in owing money. Invariably, they managed to piss me off with some combination of obnoxiousness and cluelessness.
1) The hospital that pointed collections my way for a broken arm. The only problem is, I never had a broken arm! I did go to that hospital for a broken pinky (playing volleyball) a few years back, but that was settled long ago, and was the only thing I ever went to that hospital network for. I called the collections agency, explained the situation, and they seemed reasonable and polite. "Ok, we'll take care of it." Then a couple weeks later, I'd get another letter, make another phone call, etc. I asked them who I should contact at the hospital to fix this, but they didn't know and reassured me they'd take care of it. With such sketchy reassurance, I called the hospital's accounting department, but never got a helpful human being. I left voice mail in some generic voice mail box a few times, and never got a call back. After four cycles of this, I was going nuts! So, I drove 35 miles to the fucking hospital to their accounts receivable. I waved the latest collections notice in their face and said "Look, I don't have a broken arm. I never have! Take x-rays of my arm if you don't believe me!" It turns out someone else with my same name had the broken arm. Even though it was clearly not me (unless I shrunk a few inches and my skin color changed), nothing short of actually showing up in their face was sufficient! ARRGGHH!!!
2) The other fucking hospital. I went in for minor urgent care and paid what I thought I should pay. 7 months later, on a Monday morning at 7:30am when I wasn't quite awake, my cell rang. The most obnoxious fucking collections agent was "YOU OWE US, YOU'RE 7 MONTHS OVERDUE AND YOU RAPED MY DAUGHTER YOU PIECE OF SHIT". Ok, the last bit was an exaggeration, but not by much. Not having seen paper mail regarding a bill, nor a statement from my insurance saying I should expect a bill, my assumption was that this might be a scam. So I tell the guy "send me a bill saying what it's for", and they were all "OUR RECORDS SHOW YOU WERE BILLED YOU KNOW YOU GOT A BILL YOU JUST FUCKING PAY YOU PIECE OF SHIT AND YOU PAY NOW WHAT'S YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER". What a way to wake up... NOT! I figure I'll call up the hospital later in the day... I had shit to do, and they probably weren't in yet. The phone rings at 8am or so while I'm showering... a different fuck collections agency, with much the same attitude. I call the hospital. They aren't in until 9am... swell. At 9am sharp, as I'm about to call the hospital, I get a call from another bitch collector. Then I get a call from my dad, whose work # I use as my emergency contact (his employer can find him 7x24). I got someone at the hospital at 9:30am, who said they'd send me a bill. Not 5 minutes later, ANOTHER collection agency dropped more obnoxiousness in my ear. I turn off the phone -- let the fuckers go to voice mail. They called 10 more times that day, left voice mail twice. They called a dozen more times the next day, left no voice mails. I changed my voice mail greeting to say "if you are a collections agency calling about a hospital bill, send me a bill with a statement of work -- itemized -- and I will pay it". I got the hospital's bill on Wednesday and it was clear what was going on. For whatever reason, it took 7 months to work out some payment with my insurance for some minor part of the urgent care visit. Why? I have no clue. Once my insurance paid up, on the previous Friday, they IMMEDIATELY flagged me as months overdue and sent the dogs out! Off to the hospital I go to pay in person -- it's only 7 miles away. I immediately go to a manager, WENT FUCKING BALLISTIC AND PROCEEDED TO RIP THEIR ACCOUNTS PAYABLE A NEW FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!! "Sir, if you don't quiet down, we will call security." The dude was TERRIFIED of me, even after I toned it down and quite calmly explaining what was going on. Toward the end of my conversation with the managerl, another "Blocked number" collector rang. I handed the phone to the manager and said "Here, it's for you". He was afraid to touch the phone. The hourly calls stopped the next day, from all the collections agencies.
3) Wired Magazine. I subscribe to the paper copy, because it's quality bathroom reading material. For the first couple issue, I received double copies sent in the mail, one with my name, another with my name slightly misspelled. I figured this would correct itself without my intervention, and it did. They started sending only one copy, and all seemed right with the world. Then, I checked on my credit report a few months later and see this unpaid debt to Conde Nast. WTF?!?! Wired is the only magazine that I subscribe to through them, so I chased down their billing people. They were reasonable... yes, we screwed up, we'll give you a 2 year extension free of charge, sorry sir. But, about a month later, I got a letter from some collections agency saying I owed $20 still. I called, and they said I'd have to talk to the Conde Nast people because they only beat people up for money, and don't know anything else. So, I did. Conde Nast sent me a letter on their letterhead explaining there was a mixup, I didn't owe any money, and gave some lady's phone number, for use with the collections agents. Unlike the hospital, they didn't seem to have their collections people as well trained, and it took them 4 months to go away, even after it was off my credit report, even after I'd sent them a couple copies of the "get out of jail" note. They never called the lady, which I established because I called asking why these collections people are still on my ass (which caused her to add on another 2 years for free).
4) Ameritech. One day, I got a collections agent calling me about a bill for a place I used to live briefly, indicating that I owed them money, with a paper copy of the matter coming in the mail the same day they called. They whined and WHINED about how bad it would be on my life if I didn't pay, sounded like Sally Struthers. There were a couple minor problems. They had the service address wrong... a street address that simply didn't exist (but on the same street and city I lived in)! And, it was in GTE/Verizon territory! At the time, I would've rather had an Ameritech land line because the GTE infrastructure sucked, but I couldn't get it! Off to Ameritech's band of idiots I go. Of course, no joy, there. They couldn't seem to find what I was talking about, and as far as they could tell, I was okely dokely with them. I called up the Michigan Public Service Commission, and after going through a few rounds of "oh, just call Ameritech" (even having one call forwarded to Ameritech), I escalated up enough chains to where I finally got someone who understood my issue. Mere hours later, someone with a clue at Ameritech called me, said it was fixed, said they'd send me paper mail to that effect (they never did the latter). That was ok. But the collectors were still sending letters and calling, and eventually it made it on my credit report as this unpaid debt. NOW I WAS PISSED. I called the MPSC again, explained what went down the first time, and 2 HOURS later, I got the "I'm sorry I'm sorry master" response from Ameritech, though they indicated that they couldn't control their collection agents and it could take months for this to clear up. NOT ACCEPTABLE!!! I called the MPSC the next day, and amazingly, the collections agents stopped almost immediately.
Ok, it's out of my system. The Pistons won. I can sleep now.